How warm you are with your children now could impact them later in life, according to Harvard study

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  • loaf Boise, ID
    Jan. 14, 2019 2:46 p.m.

    We all need reminding to appreciate our children while they're still with us at home! It's so easy to get caught up in things that don't matter or take them for granted. Our children (& other family members) are our most precious- (not in the Gollum sense:) relationships!! Loving them in the way they need to feel love & enjoying who they are, despite the moodiness or tantrums, is so important!

    A child development class helped me learn how the best parenting type is one who is both WARM & ENGAGED with their child. Engaged, meaning parents make a conscious effort to disciple them. Obviously not in a beat-them-with-a-stick way, but discipline= teaching them
    with love, fairness, calm kindness & firmness about consequences, both good & bad, for their actions. Also how to treat others & themselves with respect. It's so hard to do!! I mess up all the time. But TOTALLY worth it! And although they may hate being put in timeout for bad behavior when they're little, they will appreciate your teaching as an adult.

    I really love what JoJo taught in the series Supernanny. I totally recommend watching it! (youtube) She teaches skills with warmth & calm firmness how to love without spoiling.

  • Vladhagen Salt Lake City, UT
    Jan. 14, 2019 2:14 p.m.


    A mother (and father) can "listen to [children] about their day at school, help them understand life, love them, nurture them, add stability in the home, etc." and still have a job. These things are not mutually exclusive. Parents can have a job and also have a successful relationship with their children.

    Being a working mother has, for some reason, become the metric that many in Utah use for deciding whether a mother is a "good" mother or a "bad" mother. Society has drastically changed and, dare I say, in some instances progressed in the last 40 years. And that's okay.

  • mccab003 Lakeville, MN
    Jan. 13, 2019 7:15 p.m.

    Like Father, Like Son; Like Mother, Like daughter.

    As it has been said:

    The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. (Theodore Hesburgh).

    It follows therefore, that the most important thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father.

    So it starts with parents who are warm, supportive and loving to each other. In such a home, a boy learns how to treat women by seeing the way his father treats his mother, and he learns how he should expect to be treated by women by seeing the way his mother treats his father. Likewise, a girl learns how to treat men by seeing the way her mother treats her father, and she learns how to expect (and deserves) to be treated by men by seeing the way her father treats her mother.

    These principles cannot be taught in a classroom or by lecture, but only by the day-to-day absorption of the day-to-day example one is presented with throughout one’s growing-up years.

    Put these principles into practice and you have a recipe for strong, well-adjusted children with plenty of internal validation and the resilience to bear whatever slings and arrows of outrageous fortune life may put in their path.

  • toosmartforyou Kaysville, UT
    Jan. 13, 2019 5:47 p.m.

    Yes and no, Paysonite. I'm delighted that my daughter and daughters-in-law are in the home when our grandchildren come home from school, but in my case, my mother had to work to help support the family. My father was a carpenter and work was thick-and-thin and her job was a steadying influence that reduced stress from economic difficulties. My mother always had a list of chores for my brother and me to do and would ask about school day every day when she got home from work. She read to us in the evening and my father and mother never shrinked from teaching life's lessons of gratitude, charity, responsibility, hard work, getting an education, being a good citizen, etc. I learned that she loved me to the point that I am convinced she would have carried my brother and me over Rocky Ridge, one under each arm, if that had been necessary and we lived at that time. What time she lacked in quantity was made up for in quality; real stuff, not fluff.

    That said, in today's society I admire anyone who forgoes more income to have a mother in the home. Many have no choice; others do and make a questionable choice but the decision is theirs to make, not yours or mine, isn't it?

  • zipadeedoodah Lehi, UT
    Jan. 13, 2019 1:17 p.m.

    Hug em, love em... every day!

  • Paysonite Payson, UT
    Jan. 13, 2019 9:41 a.m.

    This study seems to present a good case for mothers being at home when their children return home from school to listen to them about their day at school, to help them understand life, to love them, to nurture them, to add stability in the home, etc.

  • 1aggie Salt Lake City, UT
    Jan. 13, 2019 8:18 a.m.

    So very true.

    When a child grows up without warmth, feeling unloved, it becomes a part of their lifelong core identity and can lead them to make poor decisions in friends and partners. Because they feel unworthy of love, they will accept less than they should— repeating the cycle of not getting their needs met.
    Depression, and loneliness are often their constant companions throughout life.

    Parents underestimate the power of their words and actions.