@I M LDS 2:"Mr Bean, that is extremely sexist and wrong."You could be right... but, could you elaborate? What I posted is the
way I see it.
To "Dennis" if you read the article, you would see that it is not a
church issue. The problem is a societal problem. As proof, look at the LDS
church. They have said "Be ye therefore Perfect" for over 100 years,
yet this problem is just now coming around, so it can't be the doctrine.
If that isn't enough, look at what is causing the anxiety, it isn't
church. The problems are all societal. From being perfect at school, to having
perfect friends, to perfect everything.Also look at the timeframe
that it has gotten worse. Don't you find that it is interesting that it
has occurred during the same time that the pressures to be the top in any
extracurricular activity have increased? You can't just sign little Suzy
up for ballet. You now have to put her in ballet at age 3, so that she can get
into the top tier ballet school by the time she is 12. To
"Nuschler121" what are you talking about. The YM in the LDS church can
do whatever they want. The problem isn't the church, but the YM leaders
that don't plan out the activities like what the boys do.I am
not sure you understood LDS doctrine. Husbands and wives are equal partners who
each have different responsibilities.
Mr Bean, that is extremely sexist and wrong.
@worf: "Many women felt insulted by being homemakers and caring for
their children. IMO this is a natural instinct."I think it was
Mother Nature who assigned the female to bear and raise children. That would
seem to be their job in any society. But, today's females are abandoning
that assignment in exchange for jobs and careers."For whatever
reason, many women left the home and traditional family structure to work on a
career."Women are essentially saying... why should I go through
the agony of bearing children then giving up my freedom to nurture and raise
them? This is evidenced by the birth rate in the US (and many European
countries) below replacement (on average, 2.1 children per female). There
remains one society today whose birth rate far exceeds replacement... Muslims.
There women are not allowed to get out of the house, find jobs, and go to work.
"The revival of the traditional family would cure much of the
anxiety in girls."Those days are gone forever... at least in the
US. This country's growth rate would be declining if it wasn't for
Many women felt insulted by being homemakers and caring for their children. IMO
this is a natural instinct.For whatever reason, many women left the
home and traditional family structure to work on a career. Often because men are
not being responsible or faithful to their family. IMO. The revival
of the traditional family would cure much of the anxiety in girls.
You folks need to read each other’s stories.The new prophet
President Russell Nelson has said that girls cannot be ensconced in the Aaronic
Priesthood.The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints STILL has
more activities for boys while girls are mainly told to be good wives and
mothers.And you wonder why girls are anxious? I left
the church (I can’t write it out again!) because I saw that I had no
future as a woman in the upper echelons. As an MD I fail to see how men are
superior...for women and men seem to be great partners and EQUAL in all
The youngest two of my seven daughters seem especially to suffer from anxiety.
And girls often seem to at least display anxiety than do males (not saying they
are any more anxious, but boys likely try to hide it more).I
don't wonder that the 'world' demanding that they both perform
high in 'worldly' ways (school, and work to make money) take a toll in
terms of anxiety on them.I know that while we've always
encouraged our children to do their 'best', that has never meant to
get straight 'A's' or other things. That has always meant, and
has always been clearly conveyed, as just, literally, doing your best. (And, we
often point out our own shortcomings, and those of everyone in the world).I've often felt that girls seem to internalize that
'perfection' of them is required, when that has neither been iterated,
or even hinted at, in our family.These two youngest daughters are
now 25 and 18. The younger one now seems to be doing better than her next older
sister. Both are bright, beautiful, fun people to be around. I
sometimes think we suppose expectations of ourselves that no one else expects or
requires. And I wonder how to help them get out of doing that.
@NeifyT:"Boys really are having the same kind of anxiety and are also
told they have to be perfect."I think you've hit on
something... requirement to be 'perfect.' Utah has a relatively high
incidence of suicide among the young compared to the rest of the nation.
Perhaps it has to do with church teachings that require being perfect... which
is a near impossibility. This could bring about discouragement and anxiety.
Unfortunately, the payment that Christ made for sins may not be emphasized
strongly enough or understood completely.
Could be an issue of female hormones as girls advance into adulthood. We know
that females are supposed to be sexy, the purpose of which is to attract. This
assignment, made by mother nature, could create some degree of anxiety. Am I
sexy enough? Umm, maybe not. Dang. I wish I was not so skinny.
@rlbennion,If by "the church" you mean the "Mormon
Church" or the "LDS Church" (not-really-breaking news aside); I
really hear you. I was debating including in my first post a focus on "Be
Ye Therefore Perfect" (as also mentioned by Dennis) as having a significant
impact on anxiety.Within the (dare I say it) Mormon culture there is
a huge problem with perspective of perfection. It is preached that we should
only strive for perfection; but the culture itself is a push toward being
perfect here and now.I have suggested (though I am sure the Prophet
would never accept such a suggestion); that we change the entire culture in the
LDS church; to one of instead of focusing on a persons'
"worthiness" to participate in church activities; instead to turn that
on its head and focus on whether or not a person finds Jesus Christ worthy of
our worship (e.g. participation in church activities).Only Christ
was perfect; only He was "worthy."The rest of us are and
will always be "unworthy" - but loved by Him just the same. When we
understand that we cannot make ourselves "worthy" and instead focus on
Christ's truly unconditional love for all; the anxiety of perfectionism
There are not enough characters to talk about how and why we feel we cannot
measure up. Sadly, in the church its much harder to feel "good enough".
Where do kids get the message they are inadequate? It sure doesn't help
that kids perpetually stream social media perfect-life snapshots into their
brains (via smartphones) all day every day and there is little doubt that is
having a substantial negative effect. Go figure.I look at my
wife/kids social media feeds from time to time or I hear them talk about them.
Its 95% fantasy/phony/or just flat bogus. Kids see only the best that people
want others to think of them. They rarely see all the normal problems people
have everyday and they think it is only them with all the challenges.Sure, social media can be beneficial for certain things but when you think
about how it actually works it is often anti-social. All these kids sit at home
scrolling through fake lives on their screens when they should be out actually
socializing face to face. Lots of them feel so alone even when they are
surrounded by others...with their faces glued to their screens instead of
actually talking/doing something fun. All contributes to abnormal relationships
and perceptions....causing anxiety.
Why does the current generation of both girls and boys seem so fragile and
unable to cope with normal daily life, even though they live in the free-est and
most prosperous country in human history ? As the psychologist Dr. Jordan
Peterson points out: No one really needs an excuse to be mentally ill. Anxiety,
fear, and hopelessness are very easy to slip into. What we need is meaning to
withstand the anxieties, and meaning comes through accepting responsibility.
We have created a culture in which a large fraction blames everyone else in
society for the lack of perfection in. They do not accepts the responsibility
for functioning in human life in spite of its imperfect nature.
This article (and nearly the whole series) seems to focus solely on girls. I
got news for you. Boys really are having the same kind of anxiety and are also
told they have to be perfect. The charts in this article skew the statistics to
paint the picture that only girls are affected by anxiety.
I wonder if the number for boys taking anti-depressants is low because they are
less likely to be diagnosed.
"Feminism isn't working?"What?!What
simpleton thinks feminism was/is ever about reducing women's anxiety?!
Comparing is the root of all anxiety.Make simple choices that you
like and stick with them no matter what others think. Start small and grow your
confidence. Don't forget that we are not here to only do what
we feel like. There is a bigger plan. "Sorry, God, this is
just the way I am" isn't the right answer. We can always do better.
Don't let that cripple you though.
I have to admit, having a daughter entering the 7th grade this next Monday, that
anxiety is a problem. This is the 6th time I have had the same experience at
the same school. It doesn't get any easier, it in fact, is worse. I
agree the problem is worse with girls, but it is indeed prevalent with boys too.
Speaking from anxieties experience, now is the time to get with
your teenagers folks. Don't leave it up to somebody else.
I remember similar anxiety when I found myself delivering pizza after graduating
college. I had loads of honors and tons of people telling me I could be anything
I wanted to be. I knew I did *not* want to be a pizza delivery guy, hence the
anxiety.What the article says about the social pressures of what we
mistakenly think are encouraging messages rings true. Just as we say we
don't want a person to be defined by one's misdeeds, we also
don't want a person to be defined by one's successes. If my daughter
drives the car over a curb, she's not a bad person. If she completes her
driver's test, that doesn't make her a good person. Within
the LDS community, this can also help address some of the pressures that face
new parents, returned missionaries, and a lot of other situations in which we
superficially assume that all is well based upon appearances. We need to let
people be comfortable with who they are, no matter who they are. When
there's a reduction in mental pressure, all kinds of good things can happen
in a person's life.
Why is it that it is only girls who seem to be so upset? There never has been
a time that so much praise is heaped upon the fair sex but that doesn't
seem to work. So what is the cure? More of what doesn't work I suppose.
Actually what the article seems to be based on is its statement that
more girls than boys get so very anxious 36 to 26 percent. There are
differences between the personalities of boys and girls? Feminism isn't
Such beautiful, talented children and then come the social curve balls that are
thrown at them. It was tough for the older generation but throw in social media
and things can be a lot tougher now days with bombardment from a million
directions. Best advice I could offer is to tell them "and this too shall
pass" when things seem overwhelming. Good article.
"Be ye therefore Perfect" How many times have we heard this. Yet, when
kids work hard at something and don't quite make the grade what's the
first thing an adult will say. "Nobody's Perfect". And we wonder
why kids have such a mixed up feeling about the world.
I remember seeing this with my sister, minus the actual physical pain experience
of anxiety but expressed in her temperament that we the boys, her brothers
allowed her to verbally lash out at us so she could vent. She was a straight
A-plus student, could have skipped her senior year in high school but she
didn't want to (thankfully) because she wanted to be with her friends, went
on to complete undergraduate studies early then onward to graduate school. Our
parents stressed the importance of staying in school but never really forced it
down our throats. She seems to be doing just fine now and we learned very early
on with her, when to back off when she is not happy with something and when to
speak up when all is well and of course she will always be our precious baby