Lois M. Collins: Male bond is important aspect of a satisfying life

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  • 2 bits Cottonwood Heights, UT
    May 18, 2017 2:17 p.m.

    My wife said I have to have a best friend, and a hobby, before I retire. Because she doesn't want me hanging around all the time bugging her.

    So I better get on it. I want to retire someday.

    Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our work life that we let the rest of our life atrophy. I better start working on that other part of my life before it's a bigger part of my life.

  • 2 bits Cottonwood Heights, UT
    May 18, 2017 9:59 a.m.

    In nature males don't tend to hang-out together unless there's something in it for them (protection, food, social contact, sex, etc). Human males aren't all that different. We have natural tendencies.

    When we get together with our friends we tend to want to do something more physical than sitting around drinking wine and talking about our feelings and relationships. Like playing sports, working, serving.

    We also tend to like a small circle of close friends to a large group of kinda friends (except in sports).

    I think it's good that men like to spend time with their spouse and their kids. This letter makes it seem like almost a bad thing.

    Guys who go out drinking together are usually not looking for male companionship. They are looking for females to hook up with. It's good to include your spouse (to keep an eye on you and remind you that you don't need to keep looking).

    When men ditch their spouse for other relationships (even with men/friends)... it's usually not good for that relationship. Guys are not as good at keeping it at enjoying some whine and conversation. We can say that's how they SHOULD be. But our nature sometimes tells us something else.

  • Laura Bilington Maple Valley, WA
    May 18, 2017 7:53 a.m.

    Ironic choice for a photo. Portable electronic devices sounded the death knell to human interaction. Walk into any casual restaurant---an ideal space for bonding-type interaction. You'll see groups of two or three or four. But they are not chatting; their smart phones are out and they are texting away, oblivious to each other. Watch them as they eat--when the phone signals a new text, they stop in mid-sentence to read it and reply.

    People between 18 and 29 send an average--an average!--of 90 texts a day. There's no time for bonding when you're glued to your phone.

  • LDS Liberal Farmington, UT
    May 18, 2017 6:48 a.m.

    Experts suggest a lot of reasons for that. Wives and girlfriends may be demanding or jealous...

    -----

    The Experts nailed it.

  • EPoint Roy, UT
    May 17, 2017 8:55 p.m.

    Having reached out to old friends from college days, I've found most are not interested in renewing such bonds, uncomfortable doing so. It seems to be not acceptable to care much for old friends, too bad.

  • Commenter88 Salt Lake City, Utah
    May 17, 2017 6:05 p.m.

    Men, husbands, and fathers don't hang out with male friends much for the simple reason that they don't have the leisure or time do so. Between work demands all day, commuting, parenting, driving kids, taking care of errands, and taking care of all the "outside of the house chores" and then doing yet another set of "inside the house" chores, there is scarcely an hour to eat and relax before getting a paltry 6 hours of sleep.

    Men are just much more willing to sacrifice their social, emotional, and physical well being for serving their loved ones and making sure everything works without drama.

  • FanOfTheSith Vernal, UT
    May 17, 2017 12:07 p.m.

    LOL! Be careful though because bonding like this tends to bring out the "carelessness" in men. Before you know it "impulsive braggy" locker room comments are out in the open.