I am a parent who used to yell, I came from a yelling household and I did not
want that for my children (yes, I turned out ok too but I wanted to be a better
parent than mine were, I hope my kids feel the same way!). I worked really hard
for about 10 years of parenting, then one day I realized I didn't yell at
all anymore (unless the house was on fire, haha). I would hope that
parents would take this information and pray about improvements they can make in
their parenting. That is the point of this type of research, to help us to raise
good people. So far, so good in my case (one left at home).
I think the study is a "one size fits all" proposition, when raising
kids is anything but "one size fits all". These spirits come in
different varieties and need different approaches. Listen, yelling is probably
a rare necessity. But occasionally, it serves a purpose for the narcissistic,
The useful thing to me in this article was the Deseret News graphic about
parenting styles and possible results. Looking at what you want in a kid and
what box it fits in and finding out, at least loosely, what parenting style may
assist getting that result.
It seems like many of the comments here didn't read the article or missed
the point. This study is fatherhood gold! It basically lays out a couple key
points to being a dad, which are evidence based. 1- Don't yell at your
kids, but continue to have high expectations. 2. Prioritize a good relationship
ship with your kids, including family work, playtime and any time spent together
building a relationship. Then the times you do lose your cool won't affect
them much. It's a two step recipe to raising emotionally healthy kids. I
think this article is fantastic. It doesn't bash fathers, it empowers
Sad to see so many DN readers deriding the article with labels as "PC",
"man-bashing" or "anti-father". Or pick at the author's
last name. I'm wondering how many of them--maybe all?--yell at
their kids--because--heck, they were yelled at, and see how great they turned
out?--so it wasn't damaging. And @private, a lot of dads who
are "working [their] tail ends off trying to get the kids into college to
give them a better life than they had" would do better to cut the work week
down to 40 hours and spend part of the weekends with their kids, being the kind
of dads they wished they'd had.
Is it counter-productive when columnists, psychologists etc yell at dads? It
seems to be.
I don't see this as an anti-father article. As a father myself, I try to
read as much about improving myself as a father and husband. I find this
article very informational.
Not only should kids not get yelled at, no one should. Further, kids should
learn to obey their parents. You know, obey those people who love then, feed
them, and provide for them in their youth.
My Dad yelled at me when I deserved it and I did fine...nothing but hogwash.
I agree, fathers shouldn't probably yell a their children. Heck, I'm
not for yelling period. But sometimes it happens, and even once in a while, it
might make a point if it rarely happens. But if it happens all the time, yeah,
I agree it's problematic. But also, we got to be careful for putting down
fathers for everything they do or might do, it's a tough enough job without
the criticism all the time.
President David O. McKay once said that parents should never raise their voices
at each other or their children unless the house is on fire.
Moms in general are the ones kids know they can count on to always be there and
yelling for many moms is par for the course when they are frustrated or angry
with kids. Dads represent authority figures, are more likely not to be around,
less involved, or less involved so it may have a more adverse effect on them for
those reasons. How many of us grew up in homes with stay at home moms that
yelled and dads that were gone a lot working so when they were around them
raising their voice was a bigger deal. Now days there are many kids growing up
without dads or seldom see the ones they have. Yelling never solves
any relationship problem especially with teens.
I'm not sure what everyone is complaining about or how this is anti-dad.
It's not like yelling at kids is a virtue in any case.
Ho hum, another day, another article in the Deseret News telling men what lousy
fathers they are.There are two sure rules when it comes to the
results of "studies" like this: No matter what the study is about, the
parenting styles of women will be portrayed as either benign or advantageous,
while the parenting styles of men will be portrayed as counterproductive or even
downright abusive.Even when, as we see in this study, the parents do
the exact same thing.Another sure rule is that whenever the study is
the product of a woman professor with a hyphenated last name, the chances the
study will be critical of men approach 100%.I'm sure BYU and
the Deseret News believe they are merely helping fathers raise their families
better. In reality, most men are just going read it as yet more man-bashing and
ignore the results.
I didn't finish reading this article. I think being a dad must be walking a
tight rope. My dad yelled at me, not often, but effectively when it happened. I
don't remember that as much as I remember that he also taught me a lot of
@Sven:The article doesn't say parents should never discipline
their kids. Nor does it say bad behavior should go scot-free. It simply says
that yelling at your kids is counter-productive.Frankly, I think
yelling at just about ANYONE is counterproductive. It seldom produces the
desired results and simply shows that the yeller has lost his or her temper and
can no longer carry on a civil conversation. Not exactly good role model
behavior for our kids.
There might or might not be something to this study. At the moment, though,
like the other respondents so far, my first reaction is to groan at another
anti-father article. Look, fathers are getting a bad rap, and
mothers are getting a bye. Dads have long been a target in Hollywood movies.
How many dads in cinema have a good relationship to their sons? Something is
wrong here and it's not always the dads. So Moms can yell at their kids
and it's not negative, but it is if a father does? Parents generally tend
to yell when the child ignores them at lower decibels. They can do almost
nothing b'c of societal bullying as it is.I don't know
what the complete answer is but it's not constantly attacking the male
gender. PC is killing the family.
If you have an abusive father you learn quite early that teachers and other
adult authority figures are not armed with that same power to control you.Abusive fathers raise the bar for punishment, and make life very
difficult for teachers and even the police to control said kids.
Oh yay, another family re-engineering article... blame it all on the dads, not
the divorce or the tv programming that teaches kids to dis their paternal
figures, or the other influences that take over during the teen years while the
dad is working his tail end off trying to get his kids into college to give them
a better life than he had.
Wow, I'm beginning to notice a trend here at DN. We had a story yesterday
indicating that schools should refrain from instituting suspensions for
unacceptable, disruptive behavior from students, now today we have another story
lecturing us that father's should not yell at their kids. Seriously DN,
what's your agenda here?Perhaps we shouldn't have any
rules; no consequences for poor behavior. Today's children will make great
politicians in the future. They're learning very early that they can get
away with anything.Today's kids must seriously laugh at the
"adults" in our society.