Interesting study. Yet it seems the Mormon church preaches that homosexuals
should not participate in any type of intimacy. Leaving those very few gay
Mormons being alone and isolated. Yet here they have a study proving contrary!
I really worry about lonliness with my spouse. I have always been the misfit in
the church because I am different and instead of embracing my differences, I
have been judged, bullied, abused (sexually, emotionally, physically) but my
spouse he grew up in the church and was really close to his lds family and they
have turned their back on him because he isn't with a "traditional
sterotypical lds woman" I really worry about the lonliness and depression
that sets in to know that he no longer has a mum or dad unless he marries the
relief society president or someone very similar in a loveless relationship over
someone he does love. I really never know what to do and that makes it harder.
There is absolutely no support for him even though I do my very best to make him
happy I cant replace his parents who abandoned him.
I feel like its too general to say loneliness is similar to a death style. There
are some people who would rather be alone or are just fine with it. But if it is
a big issue, should there be a requirement on having to be social? And so how
would we do it. For the elderly, it would be a lot more difficult. It mentioned
having technology blooming but I wouldn't expect an elderly person being on
Twitter and being as social as a teenager.
I'm betting there will be more lonely people because of the digital age.
Texts, e-mails and social media cannot replace one-on-one interactions with
Not only do I think that this is overblown, but coming from BYU, I suspect the
agenda behind it. The LDS Church, and Mormons culturally, make no secret about
being dogmatically against those who have no spouses or children. A study that
puts the already frowned-upon lifestyle of being unmarried on the same level as
other, more traditional vices like smoking, in terms of overall harm, is what I
would expect from that culture. The other comments in this section reinforce
this point, and are a little more direct about it than the article itself.
To elaborate even more...We all have a family. We all have parents.
Even those who've lost have family history. Family is there. No human being
didn't come from somewhere. Genealogy is a powerful way to connect us to
our family that came before us. We all have blessings waiting. We just need to
look for them and rely on the Lord.Loneliness can cause harm. But
the Lord is our healer.
I've never met a married couple with 5 kids who felt lonely. My point is
simple. If you don't have a family, go out and get one!That
doesn't mean "go have children" if you can't. But that
doesn't mean you can't have a family either. Family can mean a lot of
things. It can mean a church Ward, a calling, helping friends, hobbies and
colleagues. The fact is, we need a family of people in our lives. The real
question to me is what are we doing to have that? I believe the commandment to
multiply and replenish the Earth is still in force. If you aren't able to
have children, then find other ways to multiply and replenish the Earth. Work
for good causes and with others who do and make great things happen. If you
don't have children or "insert here" then do something about it!Everyone experiences loneliness. Some to extremes. But when you pick
yourself up and put the best shoulder forward, putting faith in optimism and the
Lord's power to solve... there's hope! :) Ask and ye shall receive.
re Llew40A suggestion that I realize you are already aware of, but
perhaps you need a push. Try online dating. I wish you all the best.
It is not the answer, but it helps to have a good animal (dog, cat, horse) as a
pet and loyal dependent companion. (Gives one a responsibility to get up each
morning). Also, generally speaking; adult singles (and especially seniors) are
somewhat of a misfit in the Mormon church, but there are other good churches
that are more embracing and interactive with seniors. One can remain a Mormon
and explore circles of friendship and activities outside the church.
I also compassionate the married people who are alone. When I was
single I once gave a talk to a group a similarly-situated people, more or less
like this:"If you feel you are unhappy because you are single,
just take a look around at the married people. Do they look happy?"
Many,of course, do not, and I have often noticed married couples not talking or
communicating joyfully with one another.That is a great pity. No
one likes to be regarded as just a paycheck, or other unloved, taken for
granted, object. We all want to be loved, sometimes just as we are, as I think
we all want to get better- I hope so anyway. As someone once said: Most men
live lives of quiet desparation. Recently that quote being made, it got a wave
of subdued, appreciative laughter. Life shouldn't be like that, should it?
What about if you're obese AND lonely? I am neither but I do
remember once being in a singles ward, where there were several lonely people
yet many of them refused any but a perfect partner (by their own criteria
often), refused to consider having children, or were most interested in a
career.I compassionate the lonely man or woman who just wants to
settle down and start a family, who is doing his or her best, or pretty d--n
close, and still cannot find anyone. It's a crying shame; I wish them all
the blessings in the world.I weep for the lonely elderly without
family or none who will visit. They will eventually get the blessings they
deserve, but I hope we speed up that process with kind attentions now.Anyhow you are never alone with God, but he needs angels.
My father passed away 6 years ago, my mom was very active in volunteering and
kept it up until recently, between that and her friendships and family she has
been able to keep isolation at bay. She still volunteers once a week to do
welfare checks by phone. She is such a giving person and it shows.
We need to do something about it! Maybe these issues should be outed! Maybe we
should look for ways to solve these issues because nobody should have to spend
huge amounts of time feeling lonely. It is not the way it should be. It
isn't just the elderly. How many people loose their spouses at a young age
and just don't find another? Walk into a care center for the elderly and
see how fast they want to talk to you. It is a very important subject. There
have been times when I wanted to talk to someone so much, but because I am gay,
they have turned away. People that were once very close to me. I think it has
been among the most difficult things in my life. I wouldn't wish
loneliness on anyone.
llew40, it hurts a little to read your comment. I relate, but in a different
way. I am 50. I am gay and I have had a partner for over 15 years. However, I
see the day coming when I probably will be alone. I grew up in a huge family,
but time takes people in different directions and none of us are guaranteed
anything. I wish I had a place like the church to have those spiritual
connections that I once did, but I realize that I don't fit in there. I
suffer from bi polar and the worst part of it is the loneliness. I just
don't have a lot of friends. Maybe you feel some of the things that I
do because your life hasn't went like you thought it should based on the
beliefs given to us. We have to look outside the box. Whatever you do,
don't give up on a relationship. They can be hard at first, but it is worth
it. It takes courage, sometimes. It takes a lot of courage when we don't
feel like we fit in. Your not alone.
@Llew40I have a 46 year old family member that has never been
married and I know it has been a struggle. Big hug. You are of worth!
Llew40,I have experienced a good bit of isolation as well.
Sometimes I choose it and sometimes it just happens.I have been in
multiple wards where the home teachers rare if ever visit. I think this study
helps to show how inspired visiting and home teaching is.It is not
only important for the reasons mentioned in the article but others as well.Visiting and being around others often strengthen and uplifts yourself.
It just helps you to know you aren't alone in this world.
I just took the loneliness quiz and scored in the Extreme Loneliness range.
I'm only 40 years old. A single, never married woman who never had the
opportunity to marry and create a family. One of the sacrifices of abstaining
from cohabitation is living the lonely, celibate life in home of our own
creation with no but ourselves to share the ups and downs of daily life with. It
can get downright overwhelming at times. It doesn't help that so many of
our peers are happily paired off with children of their own which makes us feel
unintentionally shut out and excluded.This study needs to include people
of all ages, not just the elderly.
It is not just the elderly who need to be included in this study. I'm a 40
year old woman who has never had the opportunity to marry and have a family. I
just took the UCLA Loneliness quiz and answered "sometimes" and
"often" to all ten questions. One of the sacrifices of abstaining from
cohabitation when marriage isn't an option is living a lonely, celibate
life. I've always been a shy and introverted person so my social circle is
small. Living in family centered Utah where everyone is happily paired off by a
certain age, I often wonder how many other mid-singles feel as shut out and
excluded by others as I do. We realize it's not intentional but a common
complaint from never-married Mormons is wondering where they belong and that no
one in their family ward really knows what to do with them.Little wonder I
scored in the extreme loneliness range.Luckily I have plans tonight to see
a movie with my best girlfriends.If you are overwhelmed and feeling very
isolated by loneliness, please reach out and talk to someone you trust like a
close friend or family member.