Down payment for love: The costs and benefits of online dating

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  • bass679 Novi, MI
    Sept. 2, 2014 10:47 a.m.

    So, I met my wife on Eharmony. We'd both done online dating before, she'd only done eharmony and I've used 3 different sites, alternating between them if I was dis-satisfied with my results (geek to geek and LDS singles FYI). On eharmony there were an enormous amount of ladies, it's guided search makes it so you can't see how many there are total though.

    When I established myself in my career I discovered I no longer had any idea where to meet women. It also allows a lot of automatic filtering. If i list video games and sci fi conventions as hobbies (which I did) then potential dates have that info up front. It helps you identify what really matters to you in a relationship up front. It was far better than friends/family matching me up with "this girl I know who likes to read a lot too".

  • Crisco B Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 1, 2014 7:51 p.m.

    As someone who has done academic research in social combinatorics and social economics, I find online dating highly intriguing. I myself do not participate, but the game of online dating is incredibly interesting in that it is extremely male dominated. Men rarely lose in online dating (i.e. get paired with a non-optimal partner), while women lose constantly.

    McCarthyist makes an interesting observation, although I disagree with his premise. But it is a well known (by people who study such) fact that when men initiate all formal interactions between the sexes, women will never be able to find a more suitable relationship than those which they can form with their proposers. The Gale-Shapley matching algorithm (which won its authors the Nobel Prize) is decidedly "male optimal," meaning that women who expect men to initiate all formal social contact will never end up in a more optimal relationship than their male counterparts. Men will never lose to women in the dating game! (At least in terms of social economic theory.) Quite hilarious really.

  • Left Field Cocoa Beach, FL
    Aug. 31, 2014 5:57 p.m.

    It seems that @McCarthyist believes that a woman's biological clock should somehow pressure her into lowering her standards a al Mickey Gilley's "Don't the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time" song from a few decades ago.

    Remember, ladies, there are worse things than being alone.

  • McCarthyist Sacramento, CA
    Aug. 31, 2014 9:50 a.m.

    One problem that you're always going to hear about with online dating is that there is an absolutely massive imbalance between males and females on a given site. Males tend to outnumber females in online dating by as high as 3:1 in the 25-29 age range, according to one study. The result of this, and of that stubborn and out-of-date tradition of males being the pursuers, is that females will have their dating site inboxes exploding with messages every day from every male within striking distance, and not so much as a response in males' inboxes. It's not like this is a new paradigm of course, where the male's role is that of competitor and the female's role is that of chooser, but with the advent of online dating, it has become absolutely rampant in its disparity between the sexes.

    So why such disappointment among females? Because even this female-favoring imbalance has not kept pace with how impossibly picky females are in the 21st century. The ubiquitous zeitgeist of Feminism has given females an impossible sense of entitlement when it comes to most things, but especially mate selection.

    Remember, ladies, you have a biological clock.