This is a bit creepy in my book. Working with the young women in church opened
my eyes. They think that if they kiss a boy while they are dating then they
need to repent of some evil sin. Some of the leaders even made it sound that
way. Don't be promiscuous but kissing a boy isn't immoral. It was a
fun time of the teenage years. Now we have singles in their
30's that wonder why they haven't found anyone. Learn to date. Learn
to talk to the opposite sex in a normal conversation. Learn to like a member of
the opposite sex. Learn what you like and don't like in a person or in a
relationship. That is what it is all about.
The best behaved kids that money can buy...And what happens, in the future, when
there's a tough decision to be made and no one's there to offer cash
for good behavior?
The result here is that these kids aren't wasting a minute of their teenage
years in the useless self-esteem vacuum of high school relationship drama.
They're not being taught that kissing is bad - they're not coming away
from this with a complex. This just postpones romance for them until a time of
their life when they're ready to really give their hearts fully to someone.
I say more power to them.
I think this story is great! My wife and I had our first kiss with each other.
And after a few years and a mission we ended up never kissing anyone else. So I
can say I have never kissed anyone except my wife. It's not that kissing
is bad...but that they need to be special. And when we go around and kiss
anyone that we date they just don't end up special in the end. It
wasn't neacesarrily planned that way, but that is how it worked out and I
am grateful for it, we have a very cool story. I love her more that I would
think is possible for someone to love someone else. Anyways I can honestly say
that my wife is the best kisser I know.
"By their fruits ye shall know them". I don't know this family, or
these kids, but it sounds like what this mom did worked perfectly. Although, I
doubt very much this one conversation on the trampoline caused them to make the
decisions they did. I'm betting mom and dad had many conversations; about
drugs, sex, faith, self-worth, school, peers, dating, marriage... My favorite part of this story is the manipulation. No, not by the mom, by
the kids. They totally pushed mom into a corner she wasn't really prepared
for! By taking her up on a bet she made in jest, they put her in a position
were she had to keep your side of the bargain. And in the end, I'll bet
she was happy to do it.
KJB1: Your comment makes a lot of sense, especially the parts about learning to
control, manage, etc, YOURSELF. I just feel this woman unintentionally gave her
kids the wrong idea.Appreciate your comment.
Another example of Utah doing what Utah does best: giving children complexes
about basic human behavior. Yes, it's a bad idea to have sex while
you're still a teenager, but our physical attractions are some of the key
parts of being alive. Learning to control, manage, and (yes) accept them while
placing them in a proper context helps kids to become healthy, functional
adults. Using bribery and a "do it or else" ethos? Not so
sure about that...
With the lowering of the mission age now affecting dating and courtship that
supposedly leads to temple marriage, I really hope Doug Robinson writes a
follow-up story about "Darren" and "Abbie's" respective pay
offs, especially Abbie. As a return sister missionary, young women are taught to
expect growing up they will have to beat the young priesthood holders off them
with a stick in order to hold out for the right one. But what if he never
appears? Return sister missionaries are prudes and return RMs only want to date
high school girls. I speak from experience and hope views in the church and
especially in Utah will one day change for the better. "Are you excited to
kiss someone?" is a dangerous and discouraging question to ask a young woman
when no one is beating down her door, begging for a date, and she is victimized
by the church for it.
Oops! I said latest issue of People. Unless the latest issue of People was March
12, 1984, I am in error.
Am I the only one who thinks this whole plan is more than a bit ...Manipulative?
I don't think there's anything wrong with bribery if it works and
there's a good motive behind it. I remember my mom offering (ok, bribing)
to take me to a movie each time I wrote in my journal every day for a month. Not
only did I get to go see a lot of fun movies with my mom, but I also have a
written record of my growing-up years. I also remember Mom telling me how Tom
Selleck's mom bribed her kids with a gold watch if they'd abstain from
alcohol. Wondering if that was a true story, I googled it today and found it in
the latest issue of People: "As a teenager in California, he [Tom Selleck]
abstained from alcohol until his 21st birthday and consequently received a gold
watch from his investment executive father, as did his sister and two brothers
in turn." I'll bet that kept her kids out of a lot of trouble during
their teen years.
I think most people on here are failing to see past the $10,000. I don't
necessarily agree with this mom's approach, but what she was trying to
teach her kids was a greater lesson in morality and that things like kissing and
physical intimacy are things that are to be shared with people who are going to
value them. Too often people (especially high school kids) are ridiculed for
having high standards of morality. I think the nature of her discussion, which
happened when the kids were 13 and 11, was to teach them this principle and
instill in them a guiding sense of morality as they approached the dating age.
By assigning such a high monetary value, she helped two young kids understand
how important their morality was to her, and in turn how important it ought to
be to them. As the story states, she never REALLY intended to pay up. Again, I
don't necessarily agree with her method, but by paying up she's
teaching them another lesson in honoring one's commitments. Other parents
can still teach this lesson, but can decide whether a monetary (or other
temporal incentive) is necessary.
That magical first kiss, the innocent and awkward moment of butterflies and
sweaty palms and delirious chemicals in the brain after a dreamlike dance, (at
an LDS church house no less, in Sunday attire), was priceless and a memory I
cherish and would not deny my own daughters... ever... ever. Why do we insist on
castigating the most simple, beautiful, human, joyful, wonderful experiences of
our short lives as sinful and things to shun and run away from? I mean, that
first kiss... WOW! It was 3 seconds of closed lips and trembling knees followed
by about 4 hours of a non-stop smile on my face. Sad sad sad sad sad... sad. I
am genuinely sad for her kids. Way to make something precious and innocent,
rotten and negative.
I think the point here is that it's not the kiss itself that is a problem,
but what could happen afterwards. You kiss a girl for a second, which can lead
to a minute, which, if the relationship increases dramatically, could lead to
her getting pregnant. Great, another teenager mom. I'm not saying
that is what always happens. I am just saying that we should be careful on
kissing whoever we want. For me, I treat kissing as a special occasion between a
man and wife in marriage, just like sex. But that is just my viewpoint. If
you need guidance on kissing, I would look in For the Strength of Youth and any
other counsel given by the prophet and apostles on this subject.
@ochowders,Agreed. Is there anything wrong with not kissing until
18?No.But there's nothing "right" about it
either. There is nothing more inherently correct or moral about not
kissing until 18 than there would be not talking with a member of the opposite
sex until 18.
It appears that all this mom's $20,000 bought her was 2 kids with a
strange(and unhealthy, IMO)obsession about kissing.
I really dislike of the attitude of bribing that is prevalent in Utah. There
always has to be some reward attached. Can't people just do things out of
honor and respect without some reward.
Stupid me. I paid for their college and didn't even get anything back.
It is not immoral to kiss someone at age 17. All this parent did was
take the money they would have used to pay for college or mission or both and
stick a controlling condition on whether the kids get it. What if
someone steals a kiss? Do pecks count?
Common sense, I don't believe in paying our kids for good behavior, either,
but it looks like it just started out as a joke. When it actually became the
kids' goal to make it to 18, maybe the parents said, "Hey, I guess
it's worth it to save our money over time while they saves their
kisses." Luckily, they did learn the real meaning over the years and it
became more than a pay-off for keeping a 'rule.' Sounds like a win-win
to me. I was the mom who would say, "I brought you into this
world & I can take you out" when they were dorks. It was cheaper.
So what happens to the parents that don't have a spare $10,000 to bribe our
kids with? Money is what it takes to get our kids to be moral?
Kissing is overrated. $10,000 at age 18 is not overrated.
Pretty creative. I'm glad to hear that they approached it well so that the
kids understood that kissing--in and of itself--is not a bad thing, but
something that should be meaningful.I'm also glad to hear that
the plan didn't backfire with the girl having that line of boys waiting for
her on her 18th birthday.
A brilliant idea and a great example of good parenting!I'd
probably do it until the mission papers are in, but it's still awesome!