Parents are key to combating pornography, experts say

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    March 25, 2014 11:41 a.m.

    483bzak: As one who is recovering from lust addiction after 30+ years (porn being a part of it) I can tell you without a doubt that I could not love my wife and children until I was in recovery. All I cared about was me and my next "fix". And I can tell you that, now that I know how to love, I love my family in a real way. I care more for them than myself - something I was not capable of when I was acting out. And, most others I know in recovery will tell you the same thing.

    Hutterite - It is sad that we are all not worked up enough to eliminate all porn from our society. Nothing about porn is good. It is truly one of the great evils of our society, and the presenters at UCAP so clearly showed.

  • Walt Nicholes Orem, UT
    March 24, 2014 10:39 p.m.

    If we keep giving young men the message that the development of girls is more important, they will increasingly go to that smiling face on the screen, who doesn't judge them.

  • mattrick78 Cedar City, UT
    March 24, 2014 5:47 p.m.

    "They really try to keep you guys worked up about porn all the time, don't they?"


    They? As in the "experts"?

  • jeanie orem, UT
    March 24, 2014 1:17 p.m.

    I think we are not communicating very well. Likely I am not understanding your point. All I know is those close to me who struggle are moody and very self absorbed when they are involved and much more available and aware of other's needs when they are not. This is the "love" I'm talking about. Does this make them unfeeling or uncaring people in general? No, absolutely not. I'm sorry I am not understanding your point better.

  • george of the jungle goshen, UT
    March 24, 2014 1:08 p.m.

    Imagination, attitude and perseverance makes things happen. Desire, believe and expatiation. bakes the magic. At first things are appalling before you start to accept them then you can embrace them. Kinda like slowly bringing water up to a boil with a frog in the pot. So the Question is, to be or not to be [the frog]. That is the question.

  • 483bzac West Valley City, UT
    March 24, 2014 12:49 p.m.

    @Jeanie. I now need from you an indication from the LDS church brethren or anything other than some psychologist in Europe that agrees with you that porn addicts can't love. It is pure absurdity and the fact that you are entertaining this is sad. If you are interesting in helping addicts, drop this "love" thing or find a peer reviewed source for it or a talk given in General Conference that agrees with you. False doctrine, it is.

  • JimInSLC Salt Lake City, UT
    March 24, 2014 11:54 a.m.

    The solution to pornography is the love that we feel for the Lord. It is the parents responsibility to help their children recognize this feeling and instill in them a desire to always have this good feeling. Help them to recognize that pornography will rob them of this feeling. Parents should have family prayer, family home evening, and family scripture reading. Have children observe how these activities make them feel inside.

    Read them stories of King David and analyze the effect of his dwelling on Bathsheba after he saw her bathing led to his destruction. Read how Jesus dealt with temptations, paying them no heed. Read the story of how Moses is able to put Satan in his place.

    If the child has viewed pornography have them analyze how it made them feel and ask them which feeling they like better. Help them understand that the good feeling they get from the Lord cannot exist with the feeling they get from pornography. They must choose which feeling they want. If they have lost this good feeling teach them that they can get it back.

    The answer to combating pornography on a personal level is the love of Jesus Christ.

  • slcdenizen t-ville, UT
    March 24, 2014 11:40 a.m.

    The conversation regarding pornography is always hijacked by the certainty crowd. Rather than having an open dialogue about topics, they inject preposterous claims about deep and complex issues that defy universal description, like pornography and addiction. It goes without saying that everyone is entitled to an opinion, but when opinions are presented as unalterable truths, the possibility of productive dialogue diminishes. That being said, an estimated thirty percent of internet bandwidth is dedicated to "pornography". Whichever direction the debate goes in the future, it had better encompass the clear assumption that the vast majority of people engage in observing other people in a sexual manner, yet life continues.

    March 24, 2014 10:25 a.m.

    The first thing today's parents need to understand about pornography is that you cannot keep your child from seeing it. Period. If you have a boy over the age of 8 or girl over the age of 12, they have already seen at least some pornographic images. They may have come across them innocently, they may have searched because they were curious, they may have been introduced by a friend that you know is a "good kid."

    The relationship you establish with your children when they are very young, the conversations you have with them when they are very young - these are critical. Your child needs to know that he/she can come to you with any question/problem, and you will help. This does not mean moralizing. It does not mean "just say no." It means answering their questions, addressing their concerns, helping them with their problems, and not judsing.

    If you child is in middle school and you've never talked to them about drugs, sex, pornography, whatever - you are way behind the curve.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    March 24, 2014 10:15 a.m.

    I agree that it is not an all or nothing situation for addicts, I believe they can still feel and demonstrate love, but it is diminished due to their damaged perspectives. I also agree that other addictions limit the love for others because any addiction distances people from healthy relationships. However, the difference I see is with porn is the human body is the object of addiction, a much more personal thing that drugs or alcohol or food. There is hope and people who are addicted can fully love again and are worth fighting for.

    Not sure who "they" are, but it is nice to see this topic get air time. It's no different than the attention we are finally giving to bullying, or texting while driving. Many lives are impacted and something needs to change. I'm glad your life has not been negatively affected by this, count yourself lucky.

  • Hutterite American Fork, UT
    March 24, 2014 9:15 a.m.

    They really try to keep you guys worked up about porn all the time, don't they?

  • Aggie5 Kuna, ID
    March 24, 2014 9:06 a.m.

    These conversations seem more likely to happen, if the dad turns off the TV, and the mom turns off her Facebook and texting.
    Cause porn has a cascade of effects on humans.

  • 483bzac West Valley City, UT
    March 24, 2014 9:01 a.m.

    @Jeanie There are several forums where pornography addicts are continually reminded that they can't love. I think the assessment is wrong on a whole bunch of levels. While it might be partially correct, it would be correct for most other addictions as well. One controls the "natural" to do everything better. I do not justify pornography at all. I am just saying that those who want to stop the plague are not helping themselves by saying you can't love if you are an addict. Addicts need to focus on using more of their powers of pure love.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    March 24, 2014 7:31 a.m.

    Nothing about porn is healthy or good - nothing. It is completely about lust and objectification, addiction or not. Porn is selfish and shuts down real love. Viewing it adds nothing to a healthy physical relationship. It turns an activity used to demonstrate love and companionship into using people as objects to fulfill a person's lust. Physical intimacy is not bad, infact it is absolutely good and desireable, but it is the polar opposite of porn. "Annoying habit not wanted" trivializes the seriousness of this problem. Your whole post seems to justify indulging in it as long as one can convince themselves they are not addicted. Nothing about porn is worth defending.

  • Jamescmeyer Midwest City, USA, OK
    March 24, 2014 7:10 a.m.

    Again, the parental relationship is key, not just parents to children, but parents to each other. In a healthy family, one significant thing a child sees throughout their life, something they hear and are around before they're even born, is their father and mother loving each other. From before the time they can crawl, the one thing they see and hear their parents do, besides loving them, is loving each other.

    That's a big part of why such a relationship is termed "healthy", and it's an important key in understanding how and why pornography won't lead to joy; and not just pornography, but undue sexual relations of any sort.

  • 483bzac West Valley City, UT
    March 23, 2014 11:46 p.m.

    ...."Pornography threatens the loss of love in a world where only love brings happiness." This is an absolute and is faulty logic. It does no service to those who are trying to ward off addictions, particularly porn addiction. Yes, most any addiction, alcohol, prescription drugs, food, or other annoying habit not wanted by a person alters their "to do/desire to do" list of giving love. At least, it simply occupies the space of important emotions. But the solution is as different for porn addicts as the Doctors treatment plan for those with knee injuries, every injury/addict to porn, is different. If porn alters love giving, then so does every other addiction whether it is perceived great or small. You see, part of porn is natural. Adam and Eve had "natural" bodies and those were, and ours are, not inherently bad. The body just is not evil and is meant that we (they) might have joy. Our job is to use it and our minds correctly. Porn, becoming an addiction is not doing that. Careful, many addicted to lust don't necessarily view porn.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    March 23, 2014 10:16 p.m.

    Parents ARE key. Open communication, filters, and dilligence are critical. But society has a responsibility to protect the vunerable as well and I wish IT had the will to combat pornography and the objectifying of women. I don't know that this time worn vice will ever be universally recognized for what it is and pushed into the dark corner it crawled out of. There are too many who protect it in the name of free speech and with the lame excuse that no one will agree where to draw the line even if we do draw one.

    I am grateful for those organizations and individuals who are willing to take a stand because I recognize that inspite of a parent's best efforts kids can get caught and it's a long and painful road to recovery.

  • patjan Flower Mound, TX
    March 23, 2014 9:25 p.m.

    Once children find friends who help them do pornography, it becomes an almost impossible task for the parents to help the child. They teach each other all kinds of ways to trick and confuse their parents. It becomes a game for them, and those who are doing this as a friend group are not remorseful, except they pretend to be when caught. It's very hard to get through to a child in this situation. They know how to make it so that none of their porn viewing is on your history or proved in any way. Follow your own intuition. If you know that there is no way you can reach your child, his/her eyes are always glossed over in FHE, can't seem to make any spiritual progress with them for long periods of time, cold, rude, unfeeling, manipulative; something is wrong. Love, do not attack verbally, but do confront. Fasting and prayer, repeated often, consistent. God is your best friend. Also do everything you can. Time together. Counselors (pray about who), bishop, home teachers, get people to reach out to them. Never give up. It will take a while.

  • Gildas LOGAN, UT
    March 23, 2014 8:57 p.m.

    I do believe in using the available media controls. If children know what pornography is and that it is a bad thing, it will still end up as a personal struggle for each individual child; after talking it over parents may still end up monitoring their children's activities endlessly. You can take away the child's access to computers in your home. You can pull them out of school. You can put off the struggle until the child leaves your home or gets out of your sight. You can take the child to a church that teaches "traditional" scriptural morality. I think the best suggestion made in this article is to have a positive model of sexuality within marriage. It still ends up as a matter for the adolescent's conscience and a frank talk between prospective marriage partners.

    There are a lot of bad messages out in media that need to be countered: the soaps watched by women glamorizing and excusing fornication and adultery etc, the vulgarity and immorality often presented as "normal" on sitcoms should also be discussed.

  • EPoint Roy, UT
    March 23, 2014 5:33 p.m.

    Parents have a tough job for sure, as children pick up on so much at school and tend to think more of their peers opinions than of their parents. Relationships are the key, to establish a good trust from early on and stay tight with that.

  • Owl Salt Lake City, UT
    March 23, 2014 2:27 p.m.

    Parents are the key to (fill in the numerous blanks)….