JimHale, I am just now reading the comments on this article that was about me.
I'm a little surprised at your last comments and consider them "your
opinion". I don't think you fully understand the impact of being an
adopted child. There has been plenty of love and parenting in my life that I
always consider "my family". But I wish you'd read a little closer
"the facts" and understand that this discovery has been a blessing and
just a very nice happening for me and my siblings. When you think about it, the
world is filled with one big family. It's just nice to have a few more
members personally connected to me. And your "opinion" that I relegated
my mother to "having just been a permanent foster parent" could not be
farther from the "truth". Today's world of opinion trumping
facts doesn't work for me. Please consider reading the article again and
seeing the very kind and human side of it. It's a wonderful human story.
Life is full of little miracles that bring peace and understanding to us and
this was one for me. Thank you.
I have a problem with this kind of story - which can be seen regularly on TV and
on-line or in newspapers.My problem begins with the terminology being
used.The terms "birth mother", "birth father", or
"birth parent" are themselves each a contradiction in terms.A
birth mother is really not a mother at all. A mother raises her child. The
only mother in this story is somewhat dismissively called the "adoptive
mother".A birth father is not a father at all. A father takes
responsibility for a child. Some would say a man who does not is merely a
sperm-donor. But that term conveys the thought that supplying the sperm was
intentionally done as a gift. Possible, but not common in an ordinary
adoption.If I found out in middle age (or early in life) that somewhere
out there I had another set of "parents", I could never call them
parents - and certainly not "mom" or "dad".The subject of
this story only had one mother - the one who raised her. In seeking to identify
her birth mother, she has relegated her true mother to the status of having just
been a permanent foster parent.
For Ancestry to now profit from subverting adoption contracts legally entered
into during the closed adoption era is a travesty.
Open adoption is now the norm. Natural parents (and grandparents) now demand to
know the identity of the adoptive parents - even to the point of approving them
in advance.This trend is an extension of the "me" attitudes of
Boomer and later generations.The adoption reported in this story did not
take place in the current context. The adoptive parents and at least one birth
parent entered into a contract to keep the record sealed."Natural"
families now want to involve themselves in the adult lives of children they did
not care to take the responsibility to raise.It is kind of like wanting to
NOT have your cake BUT eat it, too.
Thank you to everyone who commented! Very helpful information!
I have access to CA birth index.
"Adoption records in California are available to the adoptee
who is age 21 or older…
An adult adoptee, 21 or older, may obtain identifying
information on their birth parents if the birth parents have provided written
consent to have the information released. The birth parents may request
identifying information on the adult adoptee, age 21 or older, if the adoptee
has given written consent to have the information released. The original birth
certificate is available only by order of the court.”You should take
a DNA test. I help maintain a surname DNA Project website. If you're a man
a DNA test will match you with related men who have tested & match
father's surname. A comprehensive test for men & women matches
surnames & nationalities on both sides of your family. I have helped
adoptees locate their birth family & have a grandparent who was adopted
& have found info on his family.
@gotattitude - Do you know your birth name? If not, you need to have someone
search the original CA birth index. Join one of the adoption search angel groups
online and ask there. You may also want to use the DNAadoption methodology
(www.dnaadoption.com). We are seeing lots of success stories. Good luck!
I am a friend of Amy's and familiar with her extensive efforts gathering
and sharing her family history and stories. I will always remember the
excitement and wonder in her voice the evening she called to tell me she found
her sister! I look forward to meeting Carol so I can tell her some stories
about her little sister. :-)
gotattitude: You could try finding a lawyer who handles such cases? Good luck.
I too am a happy well adjusted adoptee (age 57). I would however, like to know
how on earth she was able to find her birth records. Mine are "sealed",
and try as I might, cannot find a way to open them through the California
system. Any advice anybody?
Our children are adopted and we have always offered them the help to search for
their birth parents, which they have declined. We are so grateful to their
birth mothers who gave us the greatest of blessings to make our family complete.