Preventing the 30-year apology

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  • Craig Clark Boulder, CO
    Jan. 21, 2014 8:08 a.m.

    When someone “reproves with sharpness” it’s usually a manifestation of ego disguised as righteous indignation. When they afterwards feel embarrassed at having lost their temper, any proverbial “increase in love” they might show to their victim can look like an insincere and condescending gesture.

    It’s a common dynamic in human relations and is generally used by those who want to stay in control by stripping the victim of his defenses while he's still licking his wounds. It’s always better to keep avoidable situations from blowing up in the first place by following the simple rule to think before you speak.

    Jan. 20, 2014 7:44 p.m.

    D & C 121:43-44 has relevance and application: “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” The word “betimes” is often misunderstood. It means early, quickly--the colloquial “nip it in the bud.” When moved to do so by the Spirit, handle the problem swiftly and clearly, then show an immediate kindness and understanding. An offending individual always deserves a rational explanation as to why their behavior is being questioned.
    This, by the way, is good advice when the need to discipline children arises.

  • Still a Mormon Greenfield, IN
    Jan. 18, 2014 6:06 p.m.

    I agree with what you are saying in some contexts, but strongly disagree with your assumption that Still small voice is always better.
    1st Nephi Chapter 20
    3 Behold, I have declared the former things from the beginning; and they went forth out of my mouth, and I showed them. I did show them suddenly.

    4 And I did it because I knew that thou art obstinate, and thy aneck is an iron sinew, and thy brow brass;

    Even Apostles bang on the Podium and Say "God will not be mocked". My sources are from BYU students by the way.

    There are times when you have to be bold and sudden and that teaches a lesson.

  • Craig Clark Boulder, CO
    Jan. 16, 2014 4:35 p.m.

    In my younger days when my short fuse and sharp tongue left someone wounded, I was often the one who suffered from it long afterwards. I gradually learned to speak more tenderly to others. It seems God has shown a lot of patience in the work he’s done on me over time.

  • Ldslady Holladay, UT
    Jan. 16, 2014 1:04 p.m.

    Such a great article. It is never wrong to give a sincere apology. And we are so much happier when we choose to forgive also.

  • BeGroovee Pleasant Grove, UT
    Jan. 16, 2014 12:59 p.m.

    Thanks for the comment. My wife is the same way--does her best to lead by example. I'm a lucky man!

  • timpClimber Provo, UT
    Jan. 16, 2014 11:17 a.m.

    Good advice. Am grateful to a wife who continues to be the soft spoken; "Have you ever thought of - - -" approach to correction and giving advice. Everyone in our extended family listens to her.