Ask Angela: Woman shares update on dating and LDS temple marriage dilemma

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  • desert Potsdam, 00
    Dec. 3, 2013 3:49 p.m.

    Ever since we were little children, little we could do to enjoy, if we were not allowed to ask why.

    So I am asking here why ?
    Why do people rush to advice where to go and what to do ?
    Stand still, find knowledge, decide upon no rush.

    You both may restart thinking it through each day a new.
    What matters is not the church, the tempel or your faith at first,
    what matters is trust, love and devotion to each other.

    If having found that, seek for "firm foundation" to build your relationship on.
    Then if you find pleasure in it, seek knowledge, faith, church and tempel.

    God, tempel, church and membership make us no better people, God alone is the better person, seek him and you will find that the church and tempel are there to help you on the road to heaven, not the other way around.

    The Church of Jesus Christ is a big mistery to most people, it is for them, not them for it.You love your creator, you will love his doings, you will love his tempel, if you know.

  • Semi-Strong Louisville, KY
    Dec. 3, 2013 3:30 p.m.


    And Brother Wood likely used those same sources. In error.

    As to the Lectures on Faith. Widely known. Not revelation nor accepted as canonical but teachings/lectures. Still used (I have taken classes where they were the base text).

  • sharrona layton, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 2:44 p.m.

    RE: 1.96 Standard Deviations, the marriage decision.

    Celibacy as a gift, it is not listed with the spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12; Roman 12). Singleness is a gift that God gives everyone, at least temporarily. For some, the gift of singleness is permanent; for others, God takes that gift away and gives the gift of marriage in its place. The Bible encourages those who are celibate in Christian(Nuns) service that they are an important part of God’s family.

    (1Cor 7). It is not wrong to get married, but that it is better if a Christian can stay single. (The reason is that a married man’s attention is “divided” between pleasing the Lord and pleasing his wife; a single man is free to be more focused on the Lord’s work, verses 32-34.) Paul says, “I wish that all men were like I am [unmarried}.

    RE: Semi-Strong. FYI,Joseph Smith Begins His Work Volume 2 -This volume contains the 1833 edition of the Book of Commandments, the 1835 edition of the Doctrine and Covenants, The Lectures on Faith which were originally included in the Doctrine and Covenants and the “Fourteen Articles of Faith.”

    Dec. 3, 2013 2:17 p.m.

    Spiritual 'parity' is a very important part of a lasting (eternal?) relationship. The differences you have now in regards to 'spiritual' committment/religiosity, will only be magnified more after you are married, and most especially when children enter the picture.

    I pray that you two will continue to lift and raise up each other in faith...adding a loving Heavenly Father to the equasion can only bless both of you.

    God Bless!

  • ? SLC, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 1:14 p.m.

    Sharrona: I'm not sure what you’re getting at other than you don’t believe the things we do have been commanded of us from the Lord, Jesus Christ. You think we are following after the commandments of men.

    Yet, you quote something similar to Article of Faith #7 which speaks of revelation. The things we do have been given to us by revelation from the Lord to His prophets in these latter days. If these things come from the Lord, should we not do them?

    Yes, indeed, "food was made to be eaten and used up."

    ". . . All wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man— Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving. Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving . . ." (D&C 89:10-12)

    You asked why we do what we do. It is because we have been warned. (D&C 89:4) ". . . And it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor." (D&C 88:81)

  • desert Potsdam, 00
    Dec. 3, 2013 1:11 p.m.

    In opposition to all the "knowing better/best" this here is a wonderful page for anybody to hop in to turn things around and question our experience based on respect and diversity.

    AskAngela is a great idea, with one problem, we will miss you if you have to move on.
    Love you so much for devoting that time.

  • 1.96 Standard Deviations OREM, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 11:38 a.m.


    I proposed to my wife after 1 1/2 weeks after meeting her in person. Prior to that, we "dated" virtually via the Internet for one year. We're going on 7 years happily married come mid next year. Best decision I made was to marry her.

    With this background, dating for 2 months and then talking about marriage is fair game if you ask me. I don't expect everyone to agree with this, but there is truth to what Shane333 said -- the time from dating to marriage depends and is different for everyone.

    Also, cassandove speaks the truth. Spiritual guidance should not be underestimated and is very real, especially with the marriage decision. Prayer and fasting definitely work, and Heavenly Father can answer sincere prayers and fasts with undeniable clarity if it be his will.

  • JoeBlow Far East USA, SC
    Dec. 3, 2013 11:09 a.m.

    Well, you cited 3 reasons and admitted that 2 of them were "bad". And, actually, I think that reason number 3 is also not foolproof when taken in the context of dating someone for such a short time.

    That is not to say that it will not work out. But, "strong impressions of the Spirit" or not, it would be very good advise to date for a much longer period of time before contemplating marriage.

    So, no, I don't think it is hard to judge without "all the information".

    History has shown us lots of mistakes made based on perceived "spiritual guidance"

  • cassandove Tampa, FL
    Dec. 3, 2013 10:25 a.m.

    JoeBlow -

    Some Latter-day Saints marry young because they don't want to risk losing their temple recommends by breaking the Law of Chastity (bad reason). Some marry because they just want to be married (also a bad reason). In some cases, such as mine, the decision to marry comes after a strong impression of the Spirit directs the people involved to make that step.

    It's hard to judge when you don't have all the information, isn't it?

  • Semi-Strong Louisville, KY
    Dec. 3, 2013 8:58 a.m.


    Please cite your source on the original article of faith. This varies significantly from the Wentworth Letter.

    The only variances from the Wentworth Letter (other than minor modernizing) are where folks confuse the writings of James Flanigan and Orson Hyde with those of Joseph Smith.

    While interesting, these writings are not (and never were) canonical. Nor do they represent alternate thoughts by Joseph Smith.

    Presenting them as if they were is disingenuous.

  • sharrona layton, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 8:33 a.m.

    RE: Temple marriage ,…. Christ has set you free from following the world’s ideas of how to be saved—by doing good and obeying various rules, why do you keep right on following them anyway, still bound by such rules as not eating, tasting(wine), or even touching certain foods?

    Such rules are mere human teachings, for food was made to be eaten and used up. These rules may seem good, for rules of this kind require strong devotion and are humiliating and hard on the body, but they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires. They only make him proud.(Col 2:20-23).

    RE: 1.96 Standard Deviations, “let me share one my favorite (Bible verses)’, the power of his resurrection.”

    That I may know him, and “the power of his resurrection”, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death,(Phil 3:10),E.g..

    Original AofF #7, We believe in the powers and gifts of the everlasting gospel, viz :*the gift of faith, *discerning of spirits, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, tongues, and the interpretation of tongues, wisdom, charity brotherly love ,etc. VS.

  • AskAngela SALT LAKE CITY, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 8:21 a.m.

    Hello! Thank you all for reading the Ask Angela column. RE: Shane333's response about his posting meaning something - this happens all the time. I think some people who submit questions aren't comfortable posting on the main board or even on the Facebook page but your comments really impact how they view their current situations. I don't hear back from everyone but a lot will cite responses that they read on here. So, on behalf of them (and on behalf of myself!) thank you for being thoughtful and for caring enough to share your views! xo Angela

  • george of the jungle goshen, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 6:52 a.m.

    There are rules of engagement; what is expected, what is accepted and what is inappropriate, uncalled for or unacceptable. To make magic, ya got to desire it, believe it and expect it to be so. It's all in what you think. How else would turn out. It's more than a conclusion, it's a commitment.

  • desert Potsdam, 00
    Dec. 2, 2013 11:29 p.m.

    and wrote...Love certainly does not overcome all."

    Never heard that one before, and hope I understood it as intented.

    Love may overcome all, since this is what we learn from Adam and Eve in connection with their faith in restorations through Jesus.

    All I like to tell them is, go visit the Tempel once in a while from the outside and feel what it would be like for you together being inside, holding hands making promises for a long long long time. That is what the temples are for, to remind the living and the dead of the love they have for each other to be married for time and eternity.

    The Tempel is a symbol for Christ' love to his people and it is also a symbol for qualified marriage, a message given to us, that God is Love. Also He wants us to return not as singles but as couples. The Temple is a place for great and deep feelings.

    If we are reminded of temples, it is not for religion it is because we are his children.

  • Shane333 Cedar Hills, UT
    Dec. 2, 2013 7:00 p.m.

    I am deeply touched and even surprised that my comments actually mattered to someone.

    If their hearts are currently in different places, now is the perfect time for them to see if they can bring their hearts in harmony before making a marriage commitment.

    As far as the time spent dating, how much is needed is entirely dependent on the two people involved. I proposed to my wife after about two months, and we're still going strong after celebrating 15 years married together. Another couple might need to date for a year to find if they can resolve differences or not before getting engaged. There isn't a set formula.

    Whether the couple gets married or not depends on how well they resolve any differences in expectations, goals, and desires. Whether they go to the Temple or not should depend on what was mentioned earlier about inner conversion and a desire to make covenants there.

    I wish the couple the best in working through this. Prayer helps.

  • rlsintx Plano, TX
    Dec. 2, 2013 4:35 p.m.

    Don't marry anyone you haven't known for at least a year. You need to see someone through all the seasons and a good variety of experiences. If it's right now, it'll still be right after a year.

  • JoeBlow Far East USA, SC
    Dec. 2, 2013 1:26 p.m.

    So, they have been dating now for what, 2 1/2 months?

    I dont get the mentality of even thinking about marriage after that short of time. Maybe it is a Utah mindset, or LDS mindset, or societal pressure, or something that I do not comprehend.

    The fact that the "marriage" issue has even come up makes me wonder about either/both of them.

  • Downtime Saint George, UT
    Dec. 2, 2013 12:55 p.m.

    That relationship is a disaster waiting to happen. Sure, it's all warm and fuzzy know, but their hearts are in different places. Love certainly does not overcome all. I hope they run as far from each other as possible; and especially before they bring children into what surely will be a mess. I am not stating that either of them is right or wrong; they are just on different pages, whether or not they will admit it.

  • Semi-Strong Louisville, KY
    Dec. 2, 2013 12:41 p.m.

    Really neat. Thanks for the update Angela.

  • 1.96 Standard Deviations OREM, UT
    Dec. 2, 2013 12:20 p.m.

    To "Now What"-

    Thanks for the update! For whatever it is worth, I was baptized a little over two decades ago and I am still working on the conversion part! :) Little by little we can become better and have true joy by applying the atonement of Christ in our lives. I wish you well as you continue making important decisions.

    As you consider your own conversion and potential future marriage, let me share one my favorite Book of Mormon scriptures about what to look forward to and hope for:

    Moroni 7:41 - "And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise."