Ask Angela: My guy said he wasn't an active Mormon, but now wants a temple wedding

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  • will7370 LOGAN, UT
    Dec. 3, 2013 8:20 a.m.

    Okay, so if this woman does NOT want to get married in the temple, then just what are her plans for the next life---and in the resurrection? Just conveniently avoid it for the rest of her life and then hope it all goes away? I heard about someone with cancer who did that---ignored it and didn't have it treated. They are no longer here today. We all make choices in this life. We have to lie in the beds we make.

  • desert Potsdam, 00
    Dec. 2, 2013 7:47 p.m.

    Oh boy, I guess am not used to this kind of stuff.
    A lot of people in here need to repent, don't they?

    Let me define my view and if you two happen to read this then stick to it, if you can.

    The idea of temple marriage got to you not because of your faith or mormon believe,
    but because of the love that you never felt before, is that not so ?

    You can struggle all the mountains in the world you want, you can achieve all the faith you may desire, but this little light that you both have discovered is more worth than all of this talking in here, remember when it is too late, take a hold of it now.

    1. invite Heavenly Father as to be your new home
    2. take your time to talk about anything, everything, anywhere, seek perspective
    3. tempel will meet you on the way, don't listen to people listen to your new family
    stick to love, nobody can pay for the loss if you listen to others
    4. never loose the battle for each other, the church is about that(people not know)

  • A Scientist Provo, UT
    Dec. 1, 2013 2:23 p.m.


    I have tried for over twenty years.

    God is moot as well as mute.

    I don't come by my atheism lightly.

  • Shane333 Cedar Hills, UT
    Nov. 30, 2013 10:09 p.m.

    @The Scientist,

    Consider your comments.
    You suggest that the Bible contradicts LDS doctrine, yet you don't believe, "in any of this religious persnickety-ness," and haven't cited anything to support your argument anyway.
    You suggest that you've committed to your wife forever, then express doubt as to the existence of an afterlife while at the same time dictating terms to God just in case....
    If you doubt the existence of God or an afterlife, it seems like priesthood authority is far down the list of things to concern yourself about.
    I sincerely invite you to pray and establish a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Until you have a relationship with Him, the rest of the discussion is moot for you.

  • A Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 29, 2013 7:12 a.m.

    Religion even poisons relationships.

  • K Mchenry, IL
    Nov. 26, 2013 9:54 p.m.

    Get married. You can sealed after at some point. For goodness sakes dead people are sealed by proxy. Most early members did marriage ceremonies separate from sealings. In some countries you do the marriage publicly first, then get sealed. You need to determine if your home will be a place where you go to church and practice religion.

  • lloydlewisjr Montrose, CO
    Nov. 26, 2013 3:30 p.m.

    If that desire is truly in his heart, it sounds like he would sincerely like to spend eternity with you and your posterity. Personally when it came to a choice for me, I loved my wife and kids so much I took the plunge, and have never been happier. But it is a commitment, and if neither of you are up for that commitment, then don't do it. It will only bring you a lifetime of happiness if you abide by your covenants, and why would one want such joy unless they're a fanatic? Like me and my wife. Hope you see your way clear to study, learn, commit, and go for it, but, on the other hand.........

  • sharrona layton, UT
    Nov. 26, 2013 2:27 p.m.

    RE: Temple marriage ,Colossians 2:20-23(AMP)… [Why do you submit to rules and regulations?—such as]:
    21 Do not handle [this], Do not taste [that], Do not even touch [them],22 Referring to things all of which perish with being used. To do this is to follow "human precepts and doctrines”

    .23 Such [practices] have indeed the outward appearance [that popularly passes] for wisdom, in promoting self-imposed rigor of devotion and delight in self-humiliation and severity of discipline of the body, but they are of no value in checking the indulgence of the flesh (the lower nature). [Instead, they do not honor God but serve only to indulge the flesh.]

  • Kazbert VAIL, AZ
    Nov. 26, 2013 1:51 p.m.

    To be fair, he may not have known how deeply he felt about getting married in the Temple until he fell in love. You can’t enter a relationship with anyone and expect that they will never change. Both partners will change over time. What would have been unfair would be if he kept his true feelings hidden until after the two married. There has to be honesty or there can’t be any trust.

    The advice I’d give to “Now What” is to make it clear to this guy that she has no intention of resuming being an active LDS, but that she will be as supportive as she can be of his returning to activity if that is what he wants so long as he doesn’t pressure her to do likewise. If he can’t accept that, then the relationship is over, and she should feel lucky to have found out about this *before* they got married.

  • Ranch Here, UT
    Nov. 26, 2013 1:35 p.m.


    Jesus said it best: "You reap what you sow."

  • Ranch Here, UT
    Nov. 26, 2013 1:29 p.m.

    Two months is not all that much of an "investment". Seriously.

  • ConservativeCommonTater West Valley City, UT
    Nov. 26, 2013 11:18 a.m.

    IF this guy suddenly wants to get married after 2 months of dating and suddenly wants to get married in the Temple after not being active, I'd have to question this guy. He sounds flighty and subject to impulses instead of thought.

  • Brahmabull sandy, ut
    Nov. 26, 2013 8:29 a.m.

    I would bet that it is family pressure that is making the guy want to get married in the temple. Sad as it is, I would put money on it. If people would just let others live and believe as they please with no consequences if they don't think as you do then all would be good.

  • cassandove Tampa, FL
    Nov. 26, 2013 8:17 a.m.

    The man needs to sincerely pray and receive guidance from his Priesthood leaders about coming into full activity in the Church if that's what he sincerely desires. And the woman needs to decide if she's willing to make those changes or if she's not.

    Admittedly, I'm curious as to why people who are very clearly non-LDS and are only vested in trying to twist LDS doctrine are commenting on an LDS-based news website in the first place? I've seen the same few people comment on the Faith articles with no other purpose than to persecute and belittle our doctrine... What is the point of that? :|

  • Quagthistle Hays, KS
    Nov. 26, 2013 4:17 a.m.

    My personal opinion is that, unless their desire for a Temple Marriage moves them to serious soul-searching and repentance, then it falls into the category of what I like to call Horse Wishes. (As in, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.)

    As to eternal marriage being uniquely LDS, one must first question whether the other faiths believe in the Bible, which both states that, speaking of the priesthood powers, no man taketh this honour upon himself (Hebrews 5:4) and that there is a DISTINCT priesthood key to bind in Heaven (Matthew 18:18). If they do believe in the Bible's teachings on this matter, then there can be little question that other churches have no binding authority to bind in Heaven. Their desire to do so amounts to little more than a Horse Wish. The fact that people think it's unfair God would recognize one church's authority over the others assumes the fact that all Churches have an equal amount of truth and divine authority, which is quite obviously not the case. God is not bound to treat equal things that a very much NOT equal. Such would not be commiserate with justice.

  • Granny Barton Woods Cross, Utah
    Nov. 26, 2013 3:42 a.m.

    My feelings have always been this. If you think living the commandments is difficult, try living with out them. Then you will find out just how difficult life can be.

  • John K Carmichael, CA
    Nov. 25, 2013 11:15 p.m.

    On the other hand, if he is in flux and starting to change towards becoming an active member, and she is not, this could be a bad case of being unequally yoked. If they can't talk about becoming fully active to qualify for the celestial kingdom, then it would be best if they went their separate ways. If she can find it in her heart to rekindle her testimony and want to come back, they could be a great support to each other in doing that.

  • Linus Bountiful, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 10:50 p.m.

    To the Scientist:
    When Jesus ordained Simon Peter he said to him: "Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."
    Thus when a couple are bound together by the authority Jesus gave to Peter, they will not only be bound together until death; they can, if they honor their marriage vows, be bound together also in heaven. Wishing that the bonds of matrimony will extend beyond death is nice, but Jesus apparently recognized that such a promise requires the officiator to have the authority (keys) to seal a couple on earth and have it binding also in heaven.

  • The Rock Federal Way, WA
    Nov. 25, 2013 8:55 p.m.

    @ Thinkman

    "What makes everyone think that the LDS church is the only one who believes in eternal marriage?"

    Anyone who went on a mission last century can tell you that our missionaries take major criticism for believing in eternal marriage. Most other churches, that I am familiar with, not only don't believe it but are openly hostile toward the idea.

  • Brent T. Aurora CO Aurora, CO
    Nov. 25, 2013 8:30 p.m.

    JoeBlow -- nice catch. After two months of dating, while I do believe couples can meet, date, fall in love and even marry in short of time, it also is way premature to be wrestling with finality on such issues... more so that it is good such conversations are happening and issues being explored. So yeah... date for a year and then write me.

    Scientist -- "Any god who would stoop to such technicalities would be unjust, unloving, and unworthy of my worship." Thus a loving God allows proxy work to be officiated... a situation regarding all ordinances which is applicable to to majority of the human race current and throughout history. A minority get to benefit from these in mortality; but, would seem to be necessary as this just God requires MORTALS to receive these ordinances either for themselves or on behalf of others. Am certain this is based on an aspect of physics we're unfamiliar with.

  • JoeBlow Far East USA, SC
    Nov. 25, 2013 8:02 p.m.

    From the article

    "We’ve been dating for about two months ....."

    The advice should have been, "Date another year and then write me"

  • Serenity Manti, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 7:52 p.m.

    Religious incompatibility is one of the main destroyers of a relationship. If you have no desire to go back to Church except on an occasional basis, then a temple marriage is not for you. No one can make you want to go to church with a real intent and complete commitment. That is something between you and the Lord and you cannot mock God by pretending. He knows your soul. Complacency has no place in the temple. It is a sacred privilege and honor to be able to attend the temple and a complete wonder to be able to receive the highest blessing you can receive in the temple, which is a temple marriage. From the way you are hesitant about it, you should not continue this relationship no matter how much you have "invested" in it. If you have no desire for the blessing offered you, then, by all means, back out or neither of you will be happy. Let that young man go to find someone who is worthy of him and his higher desires.

  • briana77 Mission, 00
    Nov. 25, 2013 7:19 p.m.

    Thinkman and The Scientist- the truth is that while we mormons may not be be the only ones who believe in eternal marriage, it is true that most other Christian faiths believe it is"till death do us part" regardless of how much they believe in the after life, or how much they love each other.

  • The Scientist Provo, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 6:57 p.m.

    I find it off-putting that Mormons believe that they, and only they, have the idea of "eternal marriage", and they and only they have the "authority" to create eternal marriages. The Bible is filled with scriptures that say otherwise.

    My wife and I vowed to love one another and be "married" to one another "forever".

    IF there is a life after this (for which there is no evidence), no so-called "authority" can change our "eternal marriage"; no earthly formalities can possibly keep two people apart who love one another as we do. Any god who would stoop to such technicalities would be unjust, unloving, and unworthy of my worship.

    Besides, I have known LDS couples who were married in the Temple "for eternity" but who essentially hate each other. No "authority" would ever require such a couple to stay together (whatever that might mean) in the hereafter!

    Not that I believe in any of this religious persnickety-ness...

  • OlderGreg USA, CA
    Nov. 25, 2013 5:41 p.m.

    A lot of *individual* people believe in being together forever. Finding an officiator who believes in using his/her authority to do that is another matter. 'Til death --- for as long as you both shall live -- and/or other words to that effect is all that is said regularly by "normal" officiators.

  • Mayfair City, Ut
    Nov. 25, 2013 5:05 p.m.

    I agree with Angela.

    If this guy is liking you enough to want to marry you forever instead of just until one of you dies--and wants to change his lackadaisical behavior so as to make that happen, thats pretty impressive.

    You don't want to throw away that kind of love.

  • Kevin J. Kirkham Salt Lake City, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 5:00 p.m.

    Here is the easy, simple and fair solution. Get married outside of the temple first and then attend church with the intention of resolving any issues that you may have that would keep you from worthily attending the temple. If you both find a new sense of joy and fulfillment in attending church, keep it up and worthily attend the temple in a year. If you find that you really don't enjoy church and following church standards, you're better off not having a temple wedding.

    Having a non-temple wedding will also allow non-LDS, less active LDS and active LDS who haven't gone through the temple yet to be able to attend your wedding. Excluding non-LDS (and even some less active LDS) family from attending, as would happen with a temple wedding, can cause hurt feelings and resentment. It did with mine.

    You have nothing to lose in waiting and everything to gain. Trust me.

  • Shane333 Cedar Hills, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 3:58 p.m.

    Thinkman, great questions.

    Why the woman or man stopped practicing their faith is a good question indeed. It will influence the outcome.

    I, too, was wondering about the man's incentives myself in my earlier post.

    As far as eternal marriages, LDS members believe that for a marriage to remain in effect after this life, it needs to be "sealed" by priesthood authority in a temple.

    I think it's wonderful that others would want an eternal marriage. A desire to share the blessing of eternal families is one of the reasons that LDS members invite others to be baptized and prepare to receive the blessings of temple ordinances.

    I hope this post helps you and others understand the LDS perspective and why temple marriage is so important to us.

  • Thinkman Provo, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 2:39 p.m.

    Why did the woman leave the LDS church?

    Why does the man want to marry her in an LDS Temple - because they are somewhat grandiose buildings or does the man believe that marrying in an LDS temple ensures a marriage for eternity?

    Assuming we live after death, aren't all marriages eternal (sans divorce of course)?

    What makes everyone think that the LDS church is the only one who believes in eternal marriage?

  • Ronnie W. Layton, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 2:10 p.m.

    Does a couple paragraphs of explanation give one enough to make a judgement call about a relationship?

    I would say it usually does not.

    I would not trust someone who sees themselves fit to make a judgement call with such limited info.

    Someone once told me the best advice you can get is from yourself. There is some truth to that. You know your situation better, you know your feelings better and you have your best interests at heart.

  • Shane333 Cedar Hills, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 1:20 p.m.

    Motivation is everything here.

    Is the boyfriend beginning to think about eternal perspective as a result of the relationship? If so, his desire to prepare to go to the temple could reflect very noble love and intentions towards the woman he desires to marry. In which case it should be flattering to her that he thinks of her in that manner.

    Or, is he thinking of family or social pressures to marry in the temple? In that case, the motivation would be flawed. Desire to go to the temple should come from inner conversion and a desire for eternal covenants.

    What more, it is better to have this discussion now, and decide it now, than to put it off until after marriage. In that sense he is doing her a favor in bringing it up now to be discussed and decided. If she doesn't want to be a practicing LDS member, she needs to communicate that directly to avoid problems down the road. Don't assume the other person knows your intentions if you haven't stated them directly.

    I wish the couple the best in working this out.

  • 1.96 Standard Deviations OREM, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 1:08 p.m.

    There is still room for both of you in the church! But, you're going to need to have the desire to come back with "full purpose of heart" for a temple wedding. Church attendance is one, of many, parts required to get a temple recommend. It will be worse to go through the motions of temple preparation and temple marriage and not truly be sincere about keeping the covenants afterwards.

    Ask yourself if you are willing to make necessary, and sincere, sacrifices for a temple marriage. If not, it's time for a frank discussion with Mr. Boyfriend. Things likely won't work if one is striving for a temple wedding and the other person is not.

  • Itsme2 SLC, UT
    Nov. 25, 2013 12:34 p.m.

    Getting married in the temple isn't just something you decide on a whim and get to do. If you've been in a position of inactivity, you have to come back to church, you have to repent and if there are serious misdeeds you go to the Bishop, you have to have a change of heart and a desire to be completely active in the church, which means attending church meetings, serving in callings, faithfully holding the Priesthood (for men), prayer, temple worship, Book of Mormon studying, etc. If he just wants to get married in the temple and that's his only interest in the church, he cannot hope to do that. It requires some serious, permanent change. I hope the guy wants it for himself and his future family. And if that's the case, he's better off finding a faith-filled LDS woman who wants the same thing.