Steve Eaton: Dad plans out son's post-mission life

Return To Article
Add a comment
  • Hey It's Me Salt Lake City, UT
    Jan. 20, 2014 1:35 p.m.

    After reading your article about snow, and then this one, I am a FAN! I can't believe that some people don't see the humor but it's great! Your son will love and laugh at this artice. It's funny because this is the extreme of some here in Utah. Thanks for making me laugh, again! Funny, Funny, Funny!

  • mominthetrenches South Jordan, Utah
    Nov. 20, 2013 2:47 a.m.

    I am laughing just as hard if not harder at all of these comments--Steve is a humorist. Lighten up, people, and enjoy the satire behind this piece of Mormon culture. It's nice when we can laugh at ourselves just a teeny weeny bit!

  • MPyne Rio Rancho, NM
    Nov. 18, 2013 11:24 a.m.

    Elder Eaton has been in our home many times over the past several months. He is an incredible young man with a great sense of humor (partly due to his Dad I suspect). I could write volumes of how selfless and compassionate and motivated he is. Whatever he does in life and whomever he chooses to marry - lucky them!

  • MrsH Altamont, UT
    Nov. 18, 2013 9:45 a.m.

    I love it. What a great way to smile, and even laugh out loud, on a Monday morning.
    I think some people just look for a reason to complain.

  • Oregon Mom HILLSBORO, OR
    Nov. 17, 2013 9:04 p.m.

    The words "Jennifer Love Hewitt" should have clued you in that this was a joke.

    Seriously, folks, a joke.

    I read this and see--I'm going to have my son sit down and watch Avengers with me.

  • BusStopRatBag Layton, UT
    Nov. 17, 2013 8:42 p.m.

    "If Jennifer Love Hewitt is available, she’s good looking..."

    Satire indeed.

  • Johnny Moser Thayne, WY
    Nov. 17, 2013 5:05 p.m.

    Wow, I am amazed at how many people REALLY think he is serious about this. Don't they find it just a little odd that he wrote about doing ALL of the things wrong? There isn't one thing on the list this is right. You have to try pretty hard to do everything wrong unless it is on purpose. Guess there are a lot of readers that missed the whole sarcasm in writing course.

    Jackson IS going to be embarrassed but my the time he is 30 he will look back and think it is pretty funny.

    All the best to him, at least he has something to show his future bride prior to the trip to meet the parents to clue her in on what that visit is going to be like. This will be a great article to share with her to warn her about what she is getting into; she needs to have her A-game going if she is going to survive that visit.

  • Nickelsworth Salt Lake City, UT
    Nov. 17, 2013 4:42 p.m.

    I was at the grocery store one day and made an attempt at joking by saying, "I only came shopping because I am out of paper bags." There was a lady in front of my that turned and said, "that's the dumbest reason to go shopping that I have ever heard!" - Lady, I know something dumber than that - someone who would actually think I was serious.
    Good article -

  • BYR West Bountiful, UT
    Nov. 17, 2013 11:42 a.m.

    Whose life is his son's? The son or the father?

  • morpunkt Glendora, CA
    Nov. 17, 2013 8:56 a.m.

    This is precisely why my daughter's first marriage to a return missionary was a disaster, ending up in a divorce. Getting married is not a checklist to be hurried into. The young man my daughter married was just trying to do the return missionary thing and rushed into marriage. He was sending a false impression to my daughter of being goal-oriented, etc. But, in reality, after he married her, was in an immediate dead-beat mode. He played video games, (Worlds of Warcraft), from early in the morning, when I left for work, until the wee hours of the night, after I returned home. This lasted for over two solid years. (He and our daughter lived in our spacious home, in order for them to get a head start, for an intended few years.) We eventually found out he suffered from depression. So, my wife and I paid for health insurance for him, in order for him to get medicine, counseling, (even LDS counseling). He refused take his meds, and the counseling. I could go on and on.
    This is an example of a "check list Mormon". I don't think this article is even remotely cute.

  • Dennis Harwich, MA
    Nov. 17, 2013 8:22 a.m.

    This may have been written as satire and comedy but the fact is many fathers and mothers think just like this when their young men come home.
    They push all the wrong buttons and these young men/women fly the proverbial LDS nest and never come back.

  • Max Charlotte, NC
    Nov. 17, 2013 6:55 a.m.

    Amazing that so many are taking this article seriously. It is so outrageous that I would think that anybody would get the joke. Anyway, very funny. I have a son returning soon. Maybe I will send him this and tell him that I also have his post-mission life all planned out :)

  • patriot Cedar Hills, UT
    Nov. 16, 2013 6:49 p.m.

    this dad is in for a BIG surprise. Remember your son has been changing every month of the past 2 years into a new man and mom and dad are still pretty much the same.When son comes home expect that son will now be VERY independent and have his own ideas for his life ahead will take a month or two but he will certainly be busy starting his new life independent of ma and pa. When he does find a sweet little bride - he will be consumed time wise with her so expect that. Moms and dad's think they are going to have all this time with their son when he gets home only to find they probably heard from him alot more when he was in the field serving.

  • WYOREADER Gillette, WY
    Nov. 16, 2013 5:19 p.m.

    Funny laugh out loud article! Funny laugh out loud comments too! Seriously people it's a joke!!

  • eelnok Cache, UT
    Nov. 16, 2013 4:37 p.m.

    Funny article Steve. The funniest part is the comments sections where the sad literalists can't figure out what you're talking about.

  • UtahBlueDevil Durham, NC
    Nov. 16, 2013 12:31 p.m.

    Very funny.... I sent a copy of it to my son who returns in ... oh... 11 weeks or so. Just wanted him to know he is not alone in having a dad who perhaps cares too much sometimes. Good stuff.

  • JLFuller Boise, ID
    Nov. 16, 2013 11:24 a.m.

    I love it when parents actually believe they can map out their kid's future. They should start a journal and title it " Never-Never Land Revisited". Parents can even use Peter Pan and Tinker Bell as pseudonyms when making their entries. I thought I could actually teach my kids to vote Republican too.

  • gmlewis Houston, TX
    Nov. 16, 2013 9:35 a.m.

    This is obviously a satirical exposition of rare wit. Of course he is jesting. His comment about the Hulk taking care of Congress is hysterical.

  • Anonyme Orem, UT
    Nov. 16, 2013 9:31 a.m.

    To Star Bright, Dadof5Sons, and Dennis: Steve Eaton writes a humor column for the Deseret News. You should look up some of his previous stuff; he's hilarious. On purpose.

  • fani wj, UT
    Nov. 16, 2013 9:06 a.m.

    @dadof5sons & Dennis, seriously guys? you two have zero sense of humor

    Thanks for the laugh!

    you need to add that it is required for you have to come along on first dates to make sure he does not messup

  • Dennis Harwich, MA
    Nov. 16, 2013 6:55 a.m.

    Dad....seriously...back off. Way off.
    Give your son some time to decompress. Coming home is an adjustment and having you ranting ridiculous thoughts and plans at him could...well...really backfire.
    Getting married too quickly..ridiculous advice. Don't even bring it up.
    Were I you I'd watch the last 20 minutes of episode 10 of "The Pacific". Watch how Eugene Sledge adjusts to coming home and the time involved. I'm 61 and have a former companion from 1972 that still hasn't adjusted to being home. Come on Dad, wise up and grab reality. Your little boy isn't coming home, a young man with a bright future is that doesn't really need you right now in many aspects of his life.

  • Dadof5sons Montesano, WA
    Nov. 16, 2013 12:28 a.m.

    I hope this is a Joke? because reading this article it sure smacks of living vicariously though your son. Like having him do the things you wish you did when you were his age. I too have a son coming home in a few weeks. I been there came home and did my own thing. My son has been on his own for two years he is a Man now he will be left to his own devices. again I hope this is a Joke and not some lame attempt to live vicariously though your kid.

  • Star Bright Salt Lake City, Ut
    Nov. 15, 2013 5:35 p.m.

    I hope he can't read this, cause it really is going to embarrass him. BTW, Dad, don't pressure him to much about your 3 because a lot of young people, even returned missionaries resist parents desires for them in the female variety. (Besides he's pretty cute, he won't have much trouble)
    But it is a hard time. Kudos for wanting him to have a smooth transition. It isn't easy!
    Good Luck!