In defense of the frumpy stay-at-home mom

Return To Article
Add a comment
  • raybies Layton, UT
    Oct. 24, 2013 9:42 a.m.

    what's up with the "frumpy" crack in the title?

    The pictures certainly don't show a frumpy mom...

    Oct. 24, 2013 8:02 a.m.

    Congratulations to Rita and all stay-at-home moms - especially those who make the sacrifice of living more modestly than those around them in order to carry out this most important role. To those who think there are more important things to do in the workplace, ask yourself this question: what will matter most in 100 years? There is hardly anything anyone can do in the workplace that will make a difference in 100 years. But how we raise our children (and how they raise theirs) will largely determine what the world is like in 100 years.

  • Kinderly Riverdale, MD
    Oct. 23, 2013 1:58 p.m.

    In response to southmtnman's comment "Isn't it getting old for SAHMs to keep playing this victim card ...again?"

    1) She's not playing the victim card. No where is she saying poor me. She's just saying she gets comments and wants to defend herself and her decisions.
    2) As long as people keep disrespecting the choice to stay-at-home and/or have a large family, it needs some defense. Again. And again. Someone's personal blog is the perfect place to defend that choice.

  • Heather Moore Lehi, UT
    Oct. 23, 2013 7:35 a.m.

    I LOVE my mini-van. It's fast, comfortable, and has a DVD player (bonus for road-tripping). Also, I don't have to borrow a truck when I need to transport a large item. I just fold the seats down. And I don't care if it labels me as the ultimate soccer mom because my soccer-playing girls are fabulous. I've had friends ask my how I like my van--and that it's just not all that cool--and they ride in it and completely change their minds. The gas mileage is a plus as well. And since I'm all about Go Green, that makes me happy.

  • Vernal Mom Vernal, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 3:15 p.m.

    To Itsme2:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I also struggled to have more children after having two. Then, when I finally got pregnant after 5 years, I had a late miscarriage. Many people said the most hurtful things for quite awhile. (for example: at least you have two boys). OR, they totally ignored me. I decided that most people really just don't know what to do or what to say to help.

    Please, if you know a women who has suffered a pregnancy loss.....just say, "I'm really sorry". Give her a hug, and leave it that.

    Good luck to you, I do know how you feel.

    Hang in there, and time will help you heal.

  • RWSmith6 Providence, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 1:33 p.m.

    A good article. It caught my attention mainly because I've been involved in the problems in public education in Utah. In-state population is growing faster then the money for public education, and parents who both work are sometimes (emphasize that) without the necessary time or energy to play the role in their children's education they should. Two problems, in other words, MUCH in need of remedy.

    Without full parental involvement in their children's education,children might lack the motivation and drive to achieve at their individually highest level. And by failing to participate in assuring that the education they receive is fully enough funded that only the best and brightest most classroom-worthy teachers are in the schools and working in well equipped, well supported circumstances, their children are without question being cheated. Our legislators and governor have for decades been failing in their part of the formula and need to be lobbied to long-term plan and fund K-12 at much higher level than they've seen fit to do.

    Am I arguing for stay-at-home moms? No. Parental engagement is the issue.

  • Red Smith American Fork, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 9:35 a.m.

    Mothers/fathers who work at home (stay at home mom's/dad's) should be paid by the government. It seems the government is paying everyone but stay at home mom's/dad's.

    It's real work, has real value, and part of home land security.

  • Itsme2 SLC, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 8:44 a.m.

    I'd like to say something about "In defense of the women struggling with fertility." People have made equally cruel comments to me. Through no fault of my own I got married later, had a child and then have struggled with infertility for over a year now. After many months of trying and finally fertility help, I got pregnant with twins and then recently lost them. People have either ignored the loss or said unkind things to me about it.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 8:04 a.m.

    I agree with the title in the context I thought the author meant.

    "Frumpy" is a nod to the fact that your time to care for yourself is hard to come by and the job you do is messy (in the truest sense of the word) and demanding in every sense. You often "feel" frumpy. However, I am hard pressed to see any young moms these days that actually look frumpy. I don't think the author was implying that SAHMs let themselves go.

  • J-TX Allen, TX
    Oct. 22, 2013 7:56 a.m.

    If it's "soul-breaking", something is wrong....

  • BU52 Provo, ut
    Oct. 22, 2013 7:41 a.m.

    I'm glad my wife was able to stay home and raise our 6 great children, they are the joy of my life. I've been working out of the home for 40 years, it ain't all that great.

  • southmtnman Provo, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 3:14 a.m.

    Isn't it getting old for SAHMs to keep playing this victim card ...again?

  • Dan Maloy Enid, OK
    Oct. 21, 2013 10:04 p.m.

    "Fathers should come off as strong and more distant."

    Don't listen to anyone who says that. I'm a dad of 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls) and have been for over 21 years and that is nonsense.

    "More distant"? Nooooo way.

    Love them, tickle them, wrestle with them (yes, wrestle even with the girls until they get into about their 'tween' years), be enthusiastic. Don't be afraid to hand out discipline (with the key word there being "disciple".....that's your ultimatel give discipline that will help them become a "disciple" of the trait you're trying to install)...but absolutely do NOT, under ANY circumstances be "distant"!

  • Dan Maloy Enid, OK
    Oct. 21, 2013 10:00 p.m.

    I have absolutely nothing against stay-at-home moms.

    It's the toughest, and MOST important job, in the whole world.

    The hand that rocks the cradle today literally raises the rulers of the world tomorrow. Stay-at-home moms deserve our UTMOST respect.

    However, I D-O have a problem with the "frumpy" part.

    Please, moms, do NOT become "frumpy".

    Frumpy makeup, sweat pants and T-shirts all day, gaining weight, not doing your
    hair except going to church, watching Oprah all day.....that kind of thing. When you say "frumpy" those are EXACTLY the kinds of things people think.

    "Frumpy" is, to sum it up, losing a bit of one's self-respect.

    And who wants to lose that?

  • bigv56 Cottonwood, CA
    Oct. 21, 2013 8:47 p.m.

    I have worked with many women who focus on career for a while. If kids come they are torn with guilt, seeing their kids raised by nannies or daycare.this all for a career that will be forgotten as soon as they leave. See which choice works better in the long run. You can always work, but have one shot with your kids. Sometimes it's good to ignore the "wisdom of the world"

  • jeanie orem, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 6:59 p.m.

    tellitstraight - Ignore stupid advise. Good fathers are any way they want to be, and I bet your a good one. Just ask your son, not some stuffy person!

  • tellitstraight Hurricane, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 5:56 p.m.

    People being people, it's not unusual for them to weigh in on the doings of others, frequently offering remarks that mostly provide insights into their own hangups, jealousies, need-for-others-to-behave-as-they-do, etc. I wish someone would pen something comparable on the attitudes and stereotypes related to fathers and child-raising. I've been told before that I was too enthusiastic with my boy. "Don't be so energetic and playful," they say. "Fathers should come off as strong and more distant."

  • toosmartforyou Farmington, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 5:26 p.m.

    Why would the headline carry such a stereo-type as "frumpy?" I had hoped the DesNews knew better.

  • jeanie orem, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 4:50 p.m.

    When we lived out of state and had 4, from baby to 5 year old and two in between. I got the funnest looks and comments especially at the grocery store when my cart was filled with little people and a baby in a car seat hooked to the front. Strangers would ask, "So do you do daycare?" Nope. "Oh, so yours, mine and ours?" Nope, just mine and his. "Are you DONE?" Nope, this is my retirement plan. The more kids we have the more we'll be taken care of. They usually left after that. We ended up with 5 and now they are young adults and teenager. I love being around these best friends of mine. I work part time outside my home now, but had the privilege of being a stay at home mom for 18 years and I would not trade those years for anything.

    BTW- where we lived I would often get asked by women how we were able to manage having me stay at home. They would often express they wished they could.