'Man of the house': As if grief wasn't already too much to bear

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  • redshirt007 tranquility base, 00
    Oct. 24, 2013 7:21 p.m.

    I lost my wife when I was young and pretty much everything anyone said seemed wrong. They were just trying to help though and were at a loss for adequate words.

    Still other people seem to really be comforted by everyone's advice and heartfelt comments. For the most part I think it's just my personality type that I need to be alone or near alone while grieving - not surrounded by people trying to make something better that can't be made better. So the inevitable next time I grieve I'm going to keep that in mind.

  • Nan BW ELder, CO
    Oct. 24, 2013 11:42 a.m.

    I agree that it is certainly not appropriate to put this burden on the shoulders of little boys, and this is a good article. However, I've also known of little girls who may not have been told they were responsible to take mom's place, but who were expected to do so. In fact, I think this happens often when the mom is still in the home, but for one reason or another, is gone a lot and the oldest daughter has great expectations placed upon her. All children need to have the chance to be children.

  • raybies Layton, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 10:32 a.m.

    Excellent advice, and thanks for sharing a personal story, Lois. You write superb articles. I think some believe it is comforting to the family and son to suggest such a thing. Maybe thinking it gives a sense of purpose. A great reminder that Family members are not interchangeable.

  • Roland Kayser Cottonwood Heights, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 10:18 a.m.

    Good article. My father died when I was eight, and I remember being told that very same thing. It was not helpful.