Costly cruelty: Workplace bullies hard to stop

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  • Big Joe V Rancho Cucamonga, CA
    Oct. 24, 2013 11:42 p.m.

    It hit the nail on the head by stating in effect those who are meek and compassionate, or have real feelings are usually the targets. That is the story of my life from my father's bullying, through school, and entire work career. If I may recommend a book that I wished I had come across a long time ago to know how to handle "high conflict people, who are not difficult, but the MOST DIFFICULT PEOPLE". Some bullies are mentally ill and if they are your boss, associates, or your spouse this book is an excellent guide of how to effectively handle these deficient individuals. It is "BIFF by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. There are concrete tools and methods explained unlike the article above. Since reading it I have successfully used it and it is not easy, but you need more than platitudes and concepts to deal with difficult people with emotional disorders.

  • WriterJ Sandy, UT
    Oct. 22, 2013 8:55 p.m.

    When it happens, it's unexpected and cruel. Someone is targeted, and then made fun of, gossiped about, and snubbed. This can be the "Mean Girls" grown up. The innuendo and whispering campaign destroys the victims credibility. The bullies keep it up until the victim leaves or is fired, even without any evidence of wrongdoing. But getting fired turns out only to be the beginning of a new nightmare called PTSD. It's been 14 years since I was targeted, and I still cry if I talk about it, and I'm still getting medical help for problems related to what happened.

  • rightascension Provo, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 8:20 p.m.

    "Bullying" and "Motivating" are both in the Eye of Definitions. If company leadership sees a person in an organization as making it lots of money by "motivating" -- then the bullying becomes acceptable and the person will get high ratings indeed.

  • SlopJ30 St Louis, MO
    Oct. 21, 2013 1:25 p.m.

    I hadn't thought about the doctor/nurse example. I expect that's true. However, I don't know how you'd combat that except tell the nurses to stand up for themselves. Unless a doc's behavior crosses lines that could lead to legal trouble, a nurse vs. doc battle is one-sided. Nurses are a lot more dispensible than docs, as unfair as that may sound.

  • Don Bixby Centerville, UT
    Oct. 21, 2013 1:06 p.m.

    Slop, whatever the reason you haven't seen it, it's not because of the class of people you hang with. It happens everywhere. I work in higher education, have a masters and almost done with my PhD and was bullied by my boss who was also working on his doctorate. I don't know how much he recognized he was doing it or was just clueless about how he treated me differently than others in the department. He was political enough to know it was better for him to help me get a job in another department since he hated me so bad, but when the option came up, I jumped on it. He acted surprised to everyone that I wanted to leave, and we never directly talked about it, but the way he was treating me until I left made it clear that I was not welcome to stay. Behaviors included making me take unnecessary business trips, drinking my soda that I had just purchased, speaking negatively about me to others while I was in the room or on the call, and saying my work wasn't good enough when he hadn't read it.

  • Hockey Fan Miles City, MT
    Oct. 21, 2013 12:42 p.m.

    "Crucial Conversations" and its companion book "Crucial Confrontations" are outstanding books. Thank you, Ron McMillan, for taking a negative experience and turning it into a positive effort on your part to help mitigate bullying, wherever it may occur.

  • no fit in SG St.George, Utah
    Oct. 21, 2013 10:25 a.m.

    A good number of Physician/Surgeon bullies out there. Just ask a nurse.
    Try to give them some benefit of the doubt.....they go to school so much longer than everyone else.
    Apparently, this makes the rest of society appear quite stupid=bullying behavior on their part?

  • SlopJ30 St Louis, MO
    Oct. 21, 2013 10:08 a.m.

    I can't back this up with statistics, but it strikes me that the best way to avoid bullying at work is to get enough education that you end up working with a better class of people. I've never even heard of or considered anyone getting bullied at work, and it's certainly never happened to me. Maybe it's because I'm 6' 2", 230 and not conspicuously "nice," but who knows? I can't imagine it's common for profeesionals or even cubicle-dwellers to have to deal with this as much as you would on an assembly line or construction site.