Ask Angela: Her boyfriend isn't LDS; should I say something?

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  • Danite Salt Lake City, UT
    Oct. 4, 2013 11:06 p.m.

    "stay out of it" is an easy thing to say and then sight numerous positive examples...but what about the ones that don't turn out positive? What about the marriages that never make it to the temple? "Stay out if it" is that what The Lord said when the Israelities settled the holy land and were commanded to destroy all non covenant making peoples? People that simply say "stay out if it" either don't understand the importance of temple marriage or don't love their friends and family memebers enough. Agency will never change but to not raise a warning voice is a demonstration of lack of love.

  • Whos Life RU Living? Ogden, UT
    Oct. 2, 2013 3:02 p.m.

    So the other day I found out that my friend's girlfriend is a Mormon! I am not sure if I should tell him, but I don't think she is the right girl for him. I thought he had so much better standards than that. /sarcasm off

    Good job Angela. This letter will hopefully help some people off of their high horses.

  • SCfan clearfield, UT
    Oct. 1, 2013 2:18 p.m.

    Every case is individual. I know of cases where non members married members and the non member became a great Church member. Conversely, look at how many member marriages have ended up not working out. Let them be and hope for the best.

  • Silverprospector SAN ANTONIO, TX
    Oct. 1, 2013 9:36 a.m.


    Actually the spirit quite often contradicts itself. That is why different people get different answers about the same questions. Either it contradicts itself, or it is unreliable, or it doesn't exist. Take your pick.

  • longhornak North Pole, AK
    Oct. 1, 2013 12:25 a.m.

    I was one of those non-member boyfriends. She says the guy is wonderful. She is, I am sure, well aware of the risks. Just be supportive of her. And you never know, he may end up the same as what happened to me: I was eventually converted and we are now sealed eternally.

  • higv Dietrich, ID
    Sept. 30, 2013 8:20 p.m.

    Will the Spirit tell someone to marry someone they can't take to the temple? Seems like some people use personal revelation as an excuse not to follow the personal revelator. The spirit does not contradict himself.

    As for religion if it is important than you would want your spouse to be of the same religion as there is a lot of friction and people not of the faith can't be married in the temple for eternity. Not that they are bad people because they probably are wonderful people.

    Few people convert after marriage so that is an issue. As or other issues like stalling and where it is going maybe friend can give her advice but she has to live with her actions not her friends.

  • Random Redlands, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 6:23 p.m.

    So many comments, so much tact. Stay out of it. She has thought long and hard about this relationship and if he is a good guy, all the power to her. I've seen temple marriages crash and burn, so that's not a guarantee.

  • Mrs Ribit Palmdale, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 6:07 p.m.

    My son married the sweetest girl that isn't LDS. He fasted and prayed before he asked her out and said at the time he believed in the church. She loves him as much as I could ever have hoped for. Everyone says they can see how in love they are. Because of how they started I know there's a reason for them to be together. I think there's a possiblity that this is how her family is meant to find the church. I love my DIL and will do all in my power to support their family.

  • Kay The LDS Lacey, WA
    Sept. 30, 2013 4:56 p.m.

    I find it sad that people in the church feel this way. It's like saying that the girl's BF is not good enough for her simply because he's not LDS? If they truly love each other, then, they should be with each other. Whether the BF converts to the church, or not. I rather have my friend be happy with someone that may not be his/her faith, but still is a potential spouse that's supportive, and loves my friend unconditionally. Rather than marrying someone of the same faith that doesn't give he/her any support at all, etc.

  • dustman Gallup, NM
    Sept. 30, 2013 4:26 p.m.

    Stay out of it. Membership in a religion doesn't make someone the "right" one. Good people are good people no matter what their religion is.

  • anaksue Salem, Utah
    Sept. 30, 2013 4:14 p.m.

    I think that it's painful to just "stay out of it" because you care, but I agree that unwanted advice is not healthy or likely to benefit either of you. What I would suggest is that you ask her permission to talk with her about it. Then, having her permission, you move into the topic being careful to consider the points Angela makes here. You will probably adjust your opinion and you will also likely have an opportunity to share your concerns in a mutually safe setting. I think we should err to the side of openness, but combine it with respect for differences of opinion, others' agency and the friendship that you want to preserve.

  • all4one Provo, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 3:28 p.m.

    I am glad to see the comments here. It is important to marry in the Temple, but I like how the person responding said she doesn't know about the personal revelation she has received. I have heard people actually say that a non-member is not good enough for me because she is not LDS. We need to remember that we are ALL God's children. He loves every single one of His children.

  • Eytria Auburn, WA
    Sept. 30, 2013 2:00 p.m.

    I was not a member of the church when I met my husband and we dated for 2+ years. Through his love, faith and patience. I am gratful to be a member of the restored gospel and married to a wonderful man. I believe she is right in not saying anything because only God knows what is truely right for each one of us.

  • Ranch Here, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 1:35 p.m.

    Kazbert says: "Now she is stuck with a weasel."

    Isn't that what divorce is for? De-weaseling?

  • Brahmabull sandy, ut
    Sept. 30, 2013 1:33 p.m.

    Why are friends so nosy? There comes a point where an adult can and will make their own choices. If the man is not abusive, and treats her well then what is the problem? It is almost like some people think that a mormon and a non-mormon can't fall in love, which is extremely shortsighted and untrue. Even if the man doesn't convert later in life she can still believe and he doesn't have to. That doesn't mean they can't be in love. Let her make her own choices. By your own words - the only reason you are concerned is because he isn't a member. That is a rediculous reason to doubt the relationship.

  • stampingmynn Derby, KS
    Sept. 30, 2013 1:05 p.m.

    I agree with your advice. It really isn't any of your business. If the friend ASKS for advice, then I would give it to her. But really, nobody should be judging another person's relationships. That's between them, that person, and God.

    Sept. 30, 2013 12:56 p.m.

    I'm a convert the this amazing church and if my in-laws or other family members would have told me or my husband to go our separate ways. I wouldn't have a son who will be serving a full-time mission in a year. Three other amazing children who will join him in the years to come. Also I won't have helped get my sister and her family into the church,, that's people into the LDS church,b/c of one decision to go with your heart instead of your mind(or others). Please love your friend enough to allow her to make that decision for herself and stand beside her if she were to fall.

  • Kazbert VAIL, AZ
    Sept. 30, 2013 12:50 p.m.

    If I assume that she has few (or none?) potential boyfriends who are LDS, then I don’t see the problem with her casting a wider net. If a non-member boyfriend has similar values and supports her active participation in her religion, I think it is better to date him than to date no one. But I also think it is a mistake to date the non-member boyfriend only because she believes that he will someday join the church. If she can’t love him for who is now, then she should look elsewhere. But that applies even if he were LDS now. I know a woman whose boyfriend joined the church, they married, and he left the church two years later. He only joined the church so as to get her to marry him. Now she is stuck with a weasel.

  • OlderGreg USA, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 12:45 p.m.

    "the truth"? My Bishop is a "skirt convert". My daughter (after dodging a few really creepy RM proposals) dated a true gentleman not of our faith. Years later, they were sealed.

    There are plenty of part-member families where the member has been to the temple and is living right. They have been promised *all* the temple blessings.

    It does happen. So leave it where it belongs: in the hands and hearts of the couple and their maker.

  • JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt Beverly Hills, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 12:35 p.m.

    Unless the guy is unfaithful or abusive, stay out of it. I know MANY good people who married non LDS spouses and some have joined the church and some have not but they are all happy. Who are you to set your friend's preferences?

    This is the kind of meddling is the thing that closes people off to the message and Gospel of Jesus Christ. It will not be seen as helpful and frankly, hurtful. You could single handedly change her boyfriend's opinion of the LDS church for no reason other than he is different.

  • atl134 Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 12:28 p.m.

    "She just turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little ones by now if she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that can’t go anywhere. "

    I was going to recommend just making sure she isn't thinking that he'll definitely someday join the church but... this letter writer clearly isn't the person to address that issue.

  • Sports Are Great Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 12:09 p.m.


    The opinion given is that dating this person is a waste of time, not that the person is a waste of time. If you're going to disagree, at least don't be disingenuous and dishonest in stating the person's opinion.

  • MegW Fresno, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:56 a.m.

    I think that Angela was right in saying not to say anything. My parents have been married for 30 years and are SOOO in love and happy and my mom isn't LDS. I grew up in the church, married in the temple have a family of my own so I turned out alright only have one LDS parent. To think that my dad shouldn't have married my mom just because she's not LDS is SO incredibly sad to me. It's his life, and honestly I strive to have a marriage just like they do. One day I hope she becomes a member (she should, she lives a righteous life) but I wouldn't be here had my dad listened to any "advice" he may have gotten about not marrying her or "wasting" his time on her. She's a beautiful person inside and out, and I'm thankful every day my dad married her.

  • Lindsayp San Diego, CA
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:54 a.m.

    I would say it is none of this persons business. I married a non-member and just last month, after 5 years, he was baptized. I would say he wasn't a waste of my time.

  • Ian Heber City, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:48 a.m.

    I wonder if she doesn't know that her boyfriend isn't LDS.....naw, I'm sure she knows. OK, isn't it a stupid thing to want to tell someone something, especially an adult, something that they are already well aware of? What a pushy jerk!!!!

  • Ranch Here, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:46 a.m.

    Many of the non-Mormon men I know are much more mature than their Mormon counterparts. There's much more to life than playing church basketball all the time.

    If she isn't already married by 27, and she's only been in this relationship for 1 year, she clearly couldn't have little ones running around unless she'd been living in sin (right?). She's probably smart enough and mature enough to make her own life choices.

  • steph-uk Birmingham, West M
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:30 a.m.

    I would definitely never say anything! If the topic of dating non-members came up around friends I wouldn't be ashamed or hesitant to share my view, but it is not my business to say to a friend that dating a non-member is not a lot of people's ideal, including my own.

  • isrred South Jordan, UT
    Sept. 30, 2013 11:23 a.m.

    "I think it must be hard to hear the truth about her situation. She just turned 27 and could have been married with maybe even some little ones by now if she wasn’t wasting her time in a relationship that can’t go anywhere"

    How does God feel when you decide that one of his children is a waste of time?