A pedestal too high: Is marriage too good for people?

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  • djk blue springs, MO
    July 23, 2013 2:49 p.m.

    in a perfect dream all couples will marry , have children, be successful and spiritual. in the world we live in this isn't the norm which is sad. to many these days are having children out of wedlock and seem to not care. marriage doesn't not seem important. when the celebs say 'i don't need to be married to be in love and have children' this affects the public view of marriage. also 'i don't need a piece of paper to prove i love this person and have children'. children are affected in so many ways with the worlds attitude. i am not saying all single parents are not setting good examples but when a couple have a child or children and not marry there is not a good base. if you are single parenting because of divorce or a death of a sweet spouse then that is commendable . let's try to set the example of the importance of marriage, fidelity, children, spirituality, unity, etc.
    same sex marriages are a disaster. i do not believe same sex marriage. the world screams 'oh that is ok because they are in love'. no it is satan fooling them.

  • atl134 Salt Lake City, UT
    July 23, 2013 2:31 p.m.

    "How this article suggests that same-sex marriage is the way to go eludes me."

    If marriage is a good thing then keeping loving couples from having it hardly seems beneficial for the institution. In effect you'd be telling same-sex couples that marriage isn't important. You know, those messages about how civil unions are exactly the same so what's the big deal. Okay... if that's the case then why should anyone marry?

  • Michael De Groote
    July 23, 2013 1:08 p.m.

    RanchHand from Huntsville says, "I expect to see a Deseret News article anytime soon claiming that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry because they're not deserving of any of the above."

    I'm pretty sure most of these studies finding the benefits you mention only looked at marriages between men and women. Many studies of this sort require long periods of time, so the data on whether same sex marriage has similar effects is probably not known yet. There is plenty of room, however, to make educated guesses on this until the actual data comes in. It is not unreasonable to assume the effects would be similar in several areas and different in other areas.

  • RanchHand Huntsville, UT
    July 23, 2013 7:09 a.m.

    "...affecting the economic and personal well-being of whole classes and segments of society..."

    "...marriage confers large economic benefits."

    "there may be a relationship between marriage and how much people earn, how well their children do in school, their health and even their happiness. "

    "Marriage is associated with longer life, better health..."


    After all that, I expect to see a Deseret News article anytime soon claiming that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry because they're not deserving of any of the above.

  • I know it. I Live it. I Love it. Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 9:22 p.m.


    Multiply and replenish... that's why. If people can't have kids, that's one thing. But if people don't want to, then they are foolishly refusing the greatest blessings anyone can have. A parent who sees their children as such would have to agree and anyone else isn't qualified to answer that question in the first place. So by all means, multiply and replenish.

  • bandersen Saint George, UT
    July 22, 2013 8:05 p.m.

    I always knew that 'Leave it to Beaver', 'Andy Griffeth', and the 'Sandlot' were scripts of a world far and away better than the script that is being played out today. If Ward and June Cleaver weren't real, then may I ever be blinded by what is real!

  • JoeBlow Far East USA, SC
    July 22, 2013 6:24 p.m.

    Why is it that everyone should get married and have kids. Isn't it possible that some people are not cut out to get married or to be parents?

    this is not a one-size-fits-all world. Thankfully.

    Do what you think is best for you and let others do what they feel is best for them.

  • ulvegaard Medical Lake, Washington
    July 22, 2013 6:12 p.m.

    @Convert, you might want to ask Sister Dew if she chose to be single, or if she would like to get married but things haven't worked out. I always wanted to get married and dated frequently, but it didn't happen until I was 40. I found that many were waiting for Brad Pit to join the church so they could have the perfect man. Others are hoping that one of the Kardashian sisters will do the same.

    How this article suggests that same-sex marriage is the way to go eludes me. I think that too many people have built up in their minds an unrealistic fantasy of how perfect married life will be; including a paid for 4,000 square foot home in suburbia within walking distance of both a chapel and a temple. That might not happen, at least for a while.

    My wife and I started off with little to nothing. A few children later, an old, refurbished home and a second hand car and we think we are doing just fine. Its not easy, but its worth it.

  • Hutterite American Fork, UT
    July 22, 2013 5:43 p.m.

    I guess if you hope things will always stay the way they used to be you'll ever more be disappointed.

  • I know it. I Live it. I Love it. Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 5:41 p.m.

    "I don't have the time to get to know someone for a year."


    This is the great lie America is duped on right now.

    -I don't have time to spend with family
    -I don't have time to cook real food, instead of eating unhealthy pre-made trash
    -I don't have time for ___________

    Everyone I've ever heard say "I don't have the time" has later quoted a recent T.V. they like or some other avenue of time wasting that we all subscribe to. I could manage my time better and I know it. I admit it. But I don't lie to myself about it to pretend I can't seem to find time to do something important.

    We all have the choice. Even if you are in the 1% that has to work 2+ jobs to provide, there is a way to make time for family life. If you don't believe me, believe the people who stand up in church and bear their testimony about how they wondered how to accomplish something until they finally knelt down and asked for help.

    John 5:30
    Mark 10:27

    "with God all things are possible."

  • Mukkake Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 4:44 p.m.

    ["Who is going to visit a 90-year-old woman if they are not related to them?" he asks. "Are you going to pay 'Julia' to do it?"]

    And certainly gay and lesbian individuals deserve to have that same opportunity when they're 90 as well. Some may still be genetically related, but adoption also helps children when they're young, and parents when they're old.

  • teachermom6 Northern Utah, UT
    July 22, 2013 3:54 p.m.

    As an educator, I see everyday the problems associated with the lack of marital stability in society. You can point out very easily which children have married parents vs. those who don't. Believe it or not ladies, but it is the father who makes the difference when it comes to discipline. Mom makes sure the homework gets done and the assignments are in, but Dad makes sure the child behaves him or herself so that the learning can begin....I see this again and again each and every year.

    It is so terribly sad to see American life as we know it crumble....we have only ourselves to blame.

  • Convert Cedar City, UT
    July 22, 2013 2:58 p.m.

    The 3 first commentors voiced very different points of view. And all are valid.

    Marriage is becoming more complex by the year, as the trends suggest. There used to be very clear roles for the husband and wife. And society was family-oriented and supportive.

    In today's world spouses are equals, doing all roles, both working, both educated, etc. Society seems not-so-supportive.

    Finding an equal that you are compatible with is a daunting challenge for many. Staying single seems to be a simpler and wiser choice when you are focussed on your own goals and preparing for the job market.

    We are even seeing an occasional Church leader that chose singlehood (eg. Sister Dew).

    Another aspect is how will children do in tomorrow's world? It's tough right now. The future looks evern tougher. It crosses most young marrieds or singles that raising children will take a tremendous effort.. For many of us that seems logical, but tomorrow's society may not be child-friendly.

    Yes, marriage in today's world is a greater challenge than you or I faced.

  • Red Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 2:57 p.m.

    We have a society that wants to make fun of traditions and "normal" behavior.

    We are constantly being lied to by the media.

    They want to influence people to accept deviant behavior of all kinds.

    We are headed for a huge fall. I think they talk a lot about it in the Bible.

  • The Sensible Middle Bountiful, UT
    July 22, 2013 2:46 p.m.

    How about this for a great wedding idea. Go to the justice of the peace or courthouse in your regular clothes get married for $50 and let that be that.

    Put the thousands saved towards debt payment towards downpayment on a house or towards an emergency fund.

    Weddings have too many frills and are too expensive dare to be different.

  • BYU Track Star Los Angeles, CA
    July 22, 2013 2:41 p.m.

    I think Dilbert Cartoonist Scott Adams summed up this article best in yesterday's National Cartoon. To wit: Dilbert was out with a Sweet young thing. She was explaining to him that Men are redundant, especially in her life. 1.) She makes enough money working to have a comfortable life. 2.) If something breaks in her house she either fixes it herself or hires somebody to fix it. 3.) Men only tell Lame jokes and are flautuent 4.) She can have a baby without an Icky man 5.) She has a Gardener to Mow her lawn. 6.) Dilbert Gets it in Upper case letters 7.) Dilbert secretly begins dating a female robot with a bad hairstyle. Bottom Line: Robots are less demanding than Modern Women.

  • atl134 Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 2:33 p.m.

    I don't think anybody (well, aside from those with self-esteem issues) thinks that marriage is "too good for them". They just don't want it for one reason or another.

  • Liddle Bruda Salt Lake City, UT
    July 22, 2013 1:17 p.m.

    This article is a good argument for allowing Same Sex Marriage throughout the country...

  • raybies Layton, UT
    July 22, 2013 1:17 p.m.

    One thing I think I didn't recognize about marriage when I was in school was that it wasn't something I could arrange without quite a bit of effort on my part. I thinik most people grow up assuming they'll get married at some point, and that it will all work out fine, but for most of us, that means actually and deliberately going on dates and having a realistic outlook on relationships.

    These ideal relationships and marriages don't just happen, they are something cultivated over time--not just three years' investment (as lady in story seems to think).

    Also, There are stigmas associated with those who openly confess they are looking to get married. Most Romanticcomedy movies portray a fiercely independent woman, struggling to make her way in the world, who accidentally chances upon love. When was the last time you watched a movie about a girl or guy who actively pursued marriage by dating lots of different people, and that was the whole point? Occasionally there's the movie about the girl who dates a bunch of men for a science experiment, or to get famous, but never just for marriage.

  • RBB Sandy, UT
    July 21, 2013 5:50 p.m.

    It really boils down to whose interests are coming first. While there are many single parents who are doing an amazing job with the circumstances they are in, to intentionally have children while avoiding marriage is simply placing your children at higher risk for all sorts of problems. We have too many children raising children (despite the age of the parent.)