The lost or forgotten wallet should be a temporary pay circumstance. When next
they got together the first thing discussed should have been here is the money I
owe you. Same thing with the tickets while he parks. Hand her the money or pay
as they enter the venue. If this guy is charming enough to want around some more
she should take steps to start going dutch. My personal position would be less
time with this guy and more time with other things/guys/girls.
Every situation is different of course.. but I learned the hard way myself!!
:PI was with my partner for 12 years, when in the beginning I payed for
everything his reason was that he was "Laid Off / worked seasonal" ...
and I spent the next 12 years paying for Everything!! He even moved in stating
he needed a place to crash while he got things sorted out & didn't have
a place to go (at the time I had no idea that he was in a lot of debt!!)!! At
first I felt glad that I could help him out & he was a nice enough guy, I
liked him & the attraction was definitely there, but then I learned over the
years that he was just very good at manipulation and put me into a great deal of
debt I am now working myself out of!! ~My Advice, BEWARE!!! Being Nice can
easily be taken advantage of!!
He's a loser. Move on. Any if he says he is sorry, and he wont make you
pay again, it is just his way of continuing to manipulate you. He has shown his
true colors. Adios.
This story and the words "he's a cool guy" do not go together. I
think what the writer meant to say was "I'm attracted to this guy. Tell
me it's okay that he is a jerk." Other than that, it's a great
I can't believe that this is even a question! Any self-respecting man pays
for a date!! Give me a break!! The question that needs to be asked of this
confused young lady is this: What kind of man are you interested in, a man who
who wants to be a man, or a man who wants to supported?
How about just telling him straight-out. "Hey, I'm beginning to feel
like I'm being mooched. How about you pay this time?" Men
deal with things like this better if it is just open and honest.
Something odd about him for sure. One way to easily bring up this subject...the
next time he calls to ask you out (if there is a next time) tell him that going
out sounds like fun, but you're a little low on money and can't afford
it right now. See where that conversation takes you. You might have the chance
to remind him that you paid for the last four dates, you might be able to share
how awkward it was stalling for time at the restaurant, you might be able to
bring up that it seems like an excuse that he seems to always forget his wallet,
you might bring up many of the ideas people brought up here that it is kind of a
cultural norm to pay when you are the one doing the asking out (the analogy of
inviting someone over to your house for dinner and then expecting that they
bring their own food is great)
Kiddo, he is a freeloader or doesn't have a job. In either case this
doesn't bode well for the future and you will get really tired carrying
him. He chooses the place, he pays. You choose the place you pay.
It's very simple and common sence. Whoever asks another person to go with
them to dinner, a movie, the zoo or where ever it may be, should be polite and
courtious to pay for the activity because the one doing the asking is also aking
the other person to put aside whatever they would be otherwise engaged in to
spend time with them. Effectively and politely communicate.
It's not old fashioned, it's basic hospitality. Would you invite
someone to your house for dinner then ask why they didn't bring the food?
Girl or guy, you ask, you pay--unless you cleary communicate ahead of time that
you're going Dutch or expect the other person to fork up for it.And, if you ever wind up in a restaurant with this guy again when he tries to
stiff you for the bill, tell the waiter you want separate checks.
Whomever invites, pays. See how easy that is? The only exception is
when it's made clear beforehand that all parties are paying for themselves.
Here's how that's worded: "I'm/We're going to/meeting at
Denny's tonight/Thursday at 5:30. If you'd like to join us/me,
that'd be great."
I think the Sound of Music said it best.“So long, fare well,
auf wiederschen, goodbye!”Dump the dirtbag!
If you don't speak up, but have expectations anyway, should you be
disappointed if he doesn't pay? One date, maybe not, but if it keeps
happening and is bothering you, say something! The dating relationship is what
sets the tone for the future relationship if there is one. Personally, I believe
in "going Dutch" each paying for their own share, until the relationship
goes in a more serious direction. I am not potential chattel, I have a job and
can support myself, so unless the relationship is getting serious, I think I can
pay my own way.
If the guy has any honor, He would respect your property. That means your money,
body any thing that is yours, even your opinion.
I'm old school enough to think the guy should generally pay. However I
would also say their might be better ways to balance the cost of dates. However,
these should be worked out before hand. The assumption is if the guy asks out,
he will pay. If there is going to be another system, it should be communicated
clearly before the date. It should not be covered by "lost wallets", or
seeing who can stand the awkwardness of not having paid longer.
I invite, I pay. I do occasionally add a caveat where respect
for independence is an issue ---- i.e. "it'll cost you a bit of slave
time in the garden", or "my turn, this time", or " I need a bit
of help trying this (place, new dish, scary thing) out", or "dutch
treat". The important thing is that it is done at the time the
invitation is given.
Whomever invites and picks the venue and activities is the one who pays for the
date, unless the girl prefers to go dutch treat because she wishes to avoid
feeling like she "owes" the guy for paying for the date he invited her
on. Aside from that, as Cheryl has been on several dates already,
she needs to be upfront and bring this up before any more dates occur. Maybe
they can take turns in picking and paying if he is a decent guy and worth more
time. If he is strapped, he needs to communicate this and get over his pride. If
he is not, and is just a moocher, she needs to know now before she wastes any
more of her time. This is red flag behavior that indicates the level of maturity
of your date.
I'm wondering why this column is in the Faith section.
Run...do not walk ... to the nearest exit. I would never treat a woman like that
and neither would any decent male figure that I know.
Vienna25, I LOVE your answer! It made me laugh. The possible downside would be
that she would end up in an embarrassing situation if he takes her to another
nice restaurant. I have to side with most of the other readers and Angela on
this one. Something is fishy with this guy.
One of my daughters once dated a guy who never took her anywhere, but always
showed up at her place around dinner time. After a while she started wondering
what was up, so she performed a little experiment - she had dinner BEFORE the
time of day he usually showed up. He was annoyed! Then she started to find out
that he'd out-and-out lied to her about things - major things. Needless to
say, she said goodbye. A few months later she met a wonderful guy to whom she is
now married. Don't waste time with a guy who takes advantage of you and/or
won't be honest with you about his possible financial difficulties.
I guess I'm older-fashioned. If a guy asks a girl out, he pays. (If a girl
asks a guy out, she should pay.) That's what I always did. Then I married,
and because I asked her to marry me I kept on paying. For everything. And
I'm still paying for everything. It's the least I could do. And
it's the best deal I've ever gotten.
Honey- now is not the time to turn him away! Now is the time to pull a similar
card. ;) intentionally go out without a purse or cell phone! It'll be a
great evening for you - free from social media. Plus, we all want to hear how he
reacts.You deserve a free date, especially since he's good
I guess I'm old fashioned but in the early stages of a relationship the guy
should offer to pay. After the couple has been dating a while it should be 50 /
Advise - don't be stupid - or naive. Before this egoistic moocher asks for
another in a series of one sided dates - give him the old heave-ho.
I've never paid for both of us in a date despite offering most times.
It's always ended up being each paying for our own part of it.
I would think for the most part guys pay for the date. Sometimes people forget
stuff. But money and time management are habits too. On my mission I knew
missionaries always out of money and wanting to leach off companions and others
that did not spend though that is against mission rules. You get the same
amount of support money every month.For time management same thing I
know people who are late no matter what don't know how to be on time. In
movie look who's talking rival suitor tells date that the lady likes to pay
for everything herself. I don't know why anyone would be that naïve
I've known these kind of men all my life. If you're willing to accept
"I forgot my wallet" you'll accept any excuse from this guy.
He'll penny pinch everything you ever do if you hang with this guy. Could
I be wrong, possibly, but I doubt it.In this world it's important to
find someone who at least seems to own a wallet.