The letter from this person reminded me of why dating life at BYU and singles
dating life in the church could be so silly. It drove me crazy that people were
so overly concerned about someone "getting the wrong idea" about a date
instead of asking someone out to get to know them and have a nice time.
It's true that in LDS life the focus on family and marriage does affect how
people date. Often they are dating with a mind to find their "eternal
companion." But some of the guys out there have this attitude that if a
woman accepts a date or shows interest (isn't that better for the guy than
disinterest?) that means she is trying to reel him in so she doesn't leave
BYU an utter failure without her MRS degree. I met my husband at BYU over 26
years ago and the fact that he didn't play these dumb games or have these
concerns was refreshing. Men and women need to lighten up a bit in the dating
arena and that doesn't mean lower their standards but stop being so
DO NOT take a date to a mission reunion! Spouses can barely tolerate it and are
usually bored out of their minds! Usually the RM's talk about people and
places they knew in the mission, update each other on what's going on in
their lives with school, careers, marriage, etc. and discuss what's
happening with the people and situations they experienced in the mission. The
S.O.s who come long get ignored or commiserate with each other. Beyond a quick
introduction to the mission president and a few former companions, th mission
reunion for a date, spouse or fiancé is a waste of a night. Once you have
been home for about 10 years, then you can take your spouse and everyone has a
good time talking about kids, etc.
As a girl, I would hope to not get asked! Because in response to Free
Agency's comment, I would say yes, reason being: I'm 'nice'.
In the LDS singles culture, this are way different. This is a long and
complicated thing to describe. Maybe write Angela an Ask Angela, she'll
have a way to explain this seemingly nonsense behavior of Mormon dating?In this case, I can't see anything besides awkward situations and a
series of thoughts, "There are 1000 places I'd rather be..."
I think that the "Mission Man," should learn to use the proper term when
referring to a Sister, or any woman for that matter. The term, "gal,"
to me, and I am a Man, just shows that Mission Man does not respect the Sister.
So, why would he even ask her to accompany him in the first place.If
she accepts his invitation, which I doubt, if she reads the article, could be
hoping that just because she accepted his invitation, he want get the wrong
idea, and think that she is more serious than she really is. It works both ways.
If you want to go on a date with a Woman, just ask her out, treat her with
respect and don't worry about her suspicions.
i laugh when i hear girls say 'oh he has to be a new r.m. or not over 24
because otherwise he is a looser or she has to be 18 or 19 because she is not
'old' . i just wonder what most think when they think 'mission,
marriage, family, school'. do they not think 'mission, school,
marriage, children' ? i wish more youth would remember that just
because a r.m. did not serve in a foriegn mission or is over 24 they are not
worth the effort to date. or this one 'are you popular, wealthy, have
wealthy parents, is your father a bishop, is your mother the r.s. or y.w.
president, do you drive a new car'. seriously come on !
A date should be an opportunity to get better acquainted and equally
interesting/fun for both of you. If you have reason to think she's
interested in meeting your mission president, companions and friends, and if
she's likely to interact with them at least as much as you will, if she is
likely to come away with new friends she'll see again, then by all means,
invite her. But if there's a better than even chance that she will stand
there, adorning your arm but otherwise watching you have fun, then please have
the sense and courtesy not to even ask. Because if you do, she will say yes
rather than disappoint you, but you're only inviting her to an ordeal.
Doesn't anyone practice *communication* anymore?DatingMan's scenario is just that--a scene in a setting which other
people have crafted with their own (and their church's) expectations.But life isn't a production in which people are supposed to
"play their parts." Life is dynamic--and that includes being your own
individual self rather than an actor.What DatingMan needs to do is
communicate directly and honestly with the people involved. He needs to ask his
date what her perceptions are about his asking her to attend the reunion. He
then needs to tell her where he, himself, honestly is in all this. And they
both need to make their answers clear to anyone else who asks.As a
non-Mormon, I must ask: why would this be so hard to do? Would fellow Mormons
think any less of you if you honestly stated--and lived--who you really are?