Mormon Parenting: Is 'marriaging' more important for children than parenting?

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  • jeanie orem, UT
    Jan. 17, 2013 8:13 a.m.

    Kiskuman -

    If an individual *is married* and neglects the person they actually chose to spend their life with - it sends a message that commitment and attention to people who should be loved and cherished are optional. That does not encourage trust or stability in children. I have seen this first hand. It's one thing to cite a study and draw a straight line from point A to point B and say "See!". It is another to have actually lived it.

    The article was written to encourage married couples, not to slam single parents, (which most would understand).

  • kishkumen American Fork, UT
    Jan. 16, 2013 4:32 p.m.

    Hi Raybies, what made you think I was offended? I've just read enough on the topic that I know that the this article is contradicted by a lot of other research. And that is important to point out because a single parent (for whatever reason) should not allow themselves to despair. They need to know that if they invest time in parenting and loving their children there is absolutely no negative impact or disadvantage for the child(ren).

  • dr.bridell mclean, VA
    Jan. 16, 2013 11:42 a.m.

    I thought the Eyres dealt with the single parent issue and paid homage to "stalwart single parents." But the article is not about that. It is about married couples putting their relationship with each other at the top of their priorities....and about the good that will do for their children.

  • raybies Layton, UT
    Jan. 16, 2013 10:33 a.m.

    I agree with this article. As much as it galls kishkumen, a happy marriage is a positive example that benefits children.

    Further, You could write whole articles on the ways the husband and wife neglect one another once kids come along. I tend to think wives see baby's immediate needs as a constant diversion from the more subtle needs of a husband, but both need constant nurturing. This complicated relationship is not a natural thing. You could raise your kids to do well in school, and still give them no clue about how to manage personal relationships.

    So, I do think that children who have the benefit of consistent two parent homes that successfully nurture each other gain very valuable (if intangible in many respects) skills when it comes to navigating their own social lives.

    We learn so much by what is modeled for us. Single parents may be able to supplement that modeling through acquaintances who successfully manage, but they would need to value it first, instead of getting offended (as kishkumen thinks they should) by the suggestion that single-parenting may not be the best vehicle for all lessons in life.

  • kishkumen American Fork, UT
    Jan. 16, 2013 9:12 a.m.

    To the widowed parents who might stumble across this article, don't let this article get you down. There are numerous studies that show the relationship between the parents and the children is what matters--not the marital status of the parents. I read the research on this subject while I was at the University of Utah. However, if all that research is eventually proven wrong, and this article is correct, then we should make sure we immediately change the laws so same-gender parents can marry easily in any state.

  • Mom of ten SANBORNTON, NH
    Jan. 16, 2013 7:59 a.m.

    I could not agree more! My husband and I taught our kids that we, as husband and wife, came first and that, while they were very important,they came second. We taught them that mom and dad were the center of our family circle and they surrounded us where we loved them very much, but they were not in the center. We told them if our marriage was in trouble, our family would be in trouble so it was important that mom and dad get out together alone to nuture our relatonship. Realistically, there were many, many times we had to put aside "us" for "them" as life dictates, but our focus would remain in staying in love with each other, while taking care of the kids. Four biological and six adopted kids later, this is still our goal. So far, we have ten happy healthy kids. And our married kids have kept that same focus for their marriages. Goof for them!