Adult children living with mom and dad in search of a launching pad to adulthood

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  • awsomeron1 Oahu, HI
    Aug. 13, 2012 7:44 p.m.

    I believe in being as Helpful as Possible as long as they are Not Loafing Around. Is the Education Really being finished. Is the job really being looked for. My kids are unslected Singles, Who will Not use Mormon Singles.Com. The are not going to meet any one in the Ward or Stake. As for the Married ones. RM's need to be Married and parents just have to help out. There is a time when enough is enough but they need to get through school. A few years with them will not kill you, as long a progress it being made, and everyone is civil. Living at home with your parents prevents the ability to scream in either Anger or Delight and you can't exactly leave the Baby to Scream and Cry it out. Also kids catch on quick and will play 4 ends against the middle instead of both ends against the middle. However as a means to an end and not an end in itself with a goal in sight, then I see No harm. Parents get out of this by Selling Their House and Down Sizing so there is No Room.

  • awsomeron1 Oahu, HI
    Aug. 13, 2012 7:31 p.m.

    I live in Hawaii and it is very common for grown kids to live with their parents. Some Married and Some Not. I have two kids 24 and 21 still living at home. The Boy went to College flunked out after two years, at least he tried and he is Special Needs. He is now working part to full time and is paying rent based on a % of his paycheck 30%. The Daughter worked for 2 years 10hrs a week for a mental health none profit never paid rent and volunteered to give up her job when funding got tight. She has never really looked for other employment, as a Mental Health Rep for Youth she one year got to go to Chicago and another year to D.C. and has been in PSA's for youth mental health. Right now she is on a Mini Mission for 3 weeks after 2 week end Missions when she gets back she is going to find a job, as I have had enough. Two of my Foster Kids have stayed on as Tenants and they work and pay Rent one goes to College. as well. You handle things as you need to.

  • USAlover Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 11, 2012 9:44 p.m.

    If you're old enough to sleep with my daughter and make a baby with her, you better as heck be ready to be a man and take care of her/them.

    These young kids want the benefits of marriage without paying for them.

    Man up, Gen Y!!!

  • anti-liar Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 10, 2012 3:39 a.m.

    Mukkake and utahboni have it right. The retirees and near-retirees clucking about how they did it all by themselves were living in LA-LA LAND back in the 60's and 70's! They have ZERO room to talk about the situation today's young adults find themselves in.

    And yes, I'll say it, and no one is going to shame me from doing so: a substantial part of the reason for the sharp increase in the cost of housing today is the flood of illegal immigrants who have robbed America's young people of their birthrights -- by taking their jobs, driving down wages across the board, and saturating the housing market which has made renting, much less owning, almost impossible anymore, for many. Californians escaping to Utah for the same reason has exacerbated the problem in Utah.

  • Howard Beal Provo, UT
    Aug. 9, 2012 2:25 p.m.

    I will also add this caveat of RedShirt's assertion about this couple having a child. Certainly, common sense might indicate a delay in that decision but considering the faith the couple, where many of their ecclesiastical leaders and even religious dogma have encouraged not postponing having children because of schooling or other economic conditions, this perhaps enhances this condition among many of Utah's younger adults. This decision to live up to expectations of the predominant religious culture and what might make more economic sense, is indeed a challenging one...

  • Howard Beal Provo, UT
    Aug. 9, 2012 2:20 p.m.

    In reality the concept or reality of the nuclear family has been around a very short time in human history. For most of human history multi-generational households were the norm. The nuclear family was really a creation of the economy, perhaps good economic conditions and perhaps shorter life spans. It makes sense that economic conditions will change family structure greatly. Those living in their 40's perhaps even in their early 70's will have that challenge of being in the "sandwich" generation, supporting their elderly parents and their adult children. However, isn't this what family is ultimately for. If the couple in this story can avoid going on the dole so to speak with some family support, isn't it better for them and the rest of us? Think about it...

  • rightascension Provo, UT
    Aug. 8, 2012 10:33 p.m.

    "launch into adulthood" is not quite the right wording. The adult children ARE adults -- what they need a launch into is larger salaries and private real estate.

  • jttheawesome Scranton, PA
    Aug. 8, 2012 11:50 a.m.

    My situation is a bit different, in that my 84-year old mother has moved in with me, following the back-to-back deaths of my dad and only brother last year. I retired in order to become a full-time care giver to mother. Unless it becomes medically necessary to place her in assisted living or skilled nursing, I plan to look after her until she goes home to be with the Lord. My parents both suppoted me when I was younger and in college; now it's payback time, and I'm blessed to be able to do so.

  • ironmania San Diego, CA
    Aug. 6, 2012 6:51 p.m.

    The kicker for me is the quote in the article where the couple says they need to move in with Mom and Dad because they cannot afford a babysitter.

    Why do they need a babysitter if they don't have a job. What do they do all day that would require a babysitter? Babysitting can be free if you swap services with other couples.

  • Baseball_dad Salina, KS
    Aug. 6, 2012 5:46 a.m.

    Live in a glass house don't throw stones.

  • BarkforSark PROVO, UT
    Aug. 5, 2012 7:38 p.m.

    Oh, the ignorance that can only come from the comments section of an online article. Must be so tough playing the role of the Internet troll where there's no requirement for being responsible for what you say.

    I would never have a child with my wife unless we knew for sure how to take care of that child on our own. It's just not how I operate, and it's not how my wife operates. But that's a personal decision that we have made that is neither right nor wrong. Everyone has their own circumstances and receives their own personal revelation. If a young couple still in college gets married and feels they need to have a child, who is anyone to judge them for that?

    I also like how there's no acknowledgement of illnesses, diseases and other unforeseen obstacles after a couple gets married/has children. Of course, the great thing about being an Internet troll is you don't have to acknowledge those things.

  • gdog3finally West Jordan, Utah
    Aug. 4, 2012 1:09 p.m.

    It's not as simple as blaming BO. Our economy is hard for many factors including the abuse of capitalism and Obama's administration as well. Just because you don't like socialism, doesn't mean our problems all come from there. Be objective now. How was the economy under BUSH?

    Our problems exist because both parties fail us, and our political landscape is corrupt. As for Obama looking down from his mansion? What do you think the white caller corporate republican 1 percenters are doing? Party vs. 1%, who do think fits that bill? Romney big time.

    Creating jobs as a business guy? Please. Creating jobs is one thing. What kind of jobs are they? Lousy ones.

  • lost in DC West Jordan, UT
    Aug. 4, 2012 10:57 a.m.

    in the former soviet union and in a lot of poor countries, many generations live together because they cannot afford to live separately. thanks BO, you're brining families together in the classical socialist style.

    Of course, you and your hollywood elitist supporters can still live in your mansions and look down on the little people you need to sustain you in power - for the time being.

  • gdog3finally West Jordan, Utah
    Aug. 4, 2012 4:42 a.m.

    A lot of judgment going on here.

    Look there are some good points being made, but times change. Not all kids are bad that move back in with their parents. Some of the folks who speak about there troubles and how they made it back in the day, would move back home if in a different generation.

    Some of the relative issues here with moving back home are; the economy, increased depression rates, and other material cultural distractions that go hand in hand with other obstacles of enslavement. Yes, free agency is real, but right choices are hard to achieve for the youth. My generation didn't grow up with the technological distractions of today.

    Don't forget about porn and avenues that resemble or lead to it. These aren't excuses. I am just saying that many making judgments here would be in situations they are condemning if they where a young married couple today. I know there are rebuttles to what I am saying and we should teach and expect our young people to step up/rise up. That said, there aren't more losers today than before. It's the parameters and circumstances that change.

  • Mukkake Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 5:52 p.m.

    All I see on this comment board is a bunch of retirees and near-retirees dolling out irrelevant advice. A lot of stuff has changed in the last few decades and what worked then won't work now.

    I laugh when I read a lot of these comments because I don't even know how someone could pretend to follow the advice given. Its funny how little sympathy is given to young people in the current economy, but if suddenly retirement investments tanked how much sympathy would be being begged for from these same old people. We all depend on luck.

    But please, if it helps you feel better about being older and nearer death, keep talking.

  • Johnny Triumph American Fork, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 3:52 p.m.

    This quote kills me:

    "I graduate in December and it will depend on if I can get a job making enough money where we can afford some place."

    What, exactly, is enough to afford some place? There is always somewhere that will work and that you can afford but the problem we have today is that kids don't want to live like that.

    The sacrifices I made after graduation led to a modest gain on a very old and worn house which led to a better gain on a slightly newer and larger house which will lead to a very comfortable house I can retire in. That process will have taken 20 years to reach, it did not happen immediately after college. Be patient, sacrifice wants in order to provide the needs, and it will come. I thank my $13/hr post BYU earnings as having helped me 15 years later into a much more lucrative situation. Without the sacrifice I certainly would not be so humbled by such bounty.

  • K Mchenry, IL
    Aug. 3, 2012 2:49 p.m.

    Marry senior year. Have baby after graduation. If they are meant to be what is 2 years?

  • RedShirt USS Enterprise, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 11:59 a.m.

    It sounds like this couple made most of the right choices, but the choice to have a child and not have a plan to care for it was quite irresponsible. If they are smart, they will move out as soon as possible. The sad thing is that this sets up a sad precedent where they don't have to face the consequences of their choices. What would they do if their parents did not live close by? If they are adult enough to get married, they should be adult enough to take care of their family too.

    To "utahboni" you should be having some serious talks with your daughter. If she is 23 and still earning minimum wage, maybe she should be looking for a better job. Most pizza delivery people make more than minimum wage.

  • Norwegian5 SLC, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 10:45 a.m.

    I think everyone has different views on the issue, but I think Nan BW has hit it on the head of the nail. Some PARENTS would rather see their children leave school without debt than to rely on their own "adultness" to get through school. My parents made me work for everything while I was growing up. Even a birthday present, a mountain bike, I had to pay for half of it since it was over our birthday budget. However, they have told me that they would rather me move back in than to take out student loans for the cost of living. I will be in plenty of debt when I attend medical school. So no my2cents and hutterite, people are trying hard and are not being lazy. I have worked since I was 15 and yet I would move back in if necessary.

  • ute alumni Tengoku, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 10:35 a.m.

    WOW. A lot of compassion from the peanut gallery. The same folks that walked uphill both ways to school five miles away in waste deep snow.
    What is ALL the stuff they have based on the pictures?...rug, plastic boxes, child's swing and a TV?
    I paid for all my school. I paid tuition, books and housing for all four of my kids. All graduated, all maried, all with kids and self supportive. I feel blessed that I could do that for them, not all can. Don't be freaked out, it will all work out.

  • mcdugall Layton, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 10:24 a.m.

    Why would the couple have a child while still in school? It doesn't appear that they are ready to raise children when they themselves are moving back in with their parents?

  • sally Kearns, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 9:09 a.m.

    Interesting this couple couldn't make it at BYU. Many of the students live on loans, food stamps, medicaid and whatever they can find that is a freebee. When we were in college years ago, we had children but we did not buy all the stuff I see in their apartment. Of course, those things could have been gifts, but when we moved, it was whatever fit in and on the top of our car and that was it. We didn't have to have all the stuff so many people think they have to have today. We also knew how to cook. This helped big time. We also learned after college to live on one income even through some very tough times. We didn't have parents nearby to help us out. We stayed with parents for short term between jobs if needed. I know today with the huge increase in costs it can be tough, but what would couples like this do if their parents didn't live nearby. Sometimes in life we have to find ways to solve our problems without mom and dad.

  • utahboni Ogden, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 8:23 a.m.

    The major factor behind young people moving back home is the cost of housing. My 23 year old daughter has just moved back in for the third time. She works for minimum wage. There is absolutely no housing availble that is affordable on one minimum wage salary. She moves out when she finds a roommate to help with the rent, but if she loses the roommate or the roommate loses their job, she has no choice but to move back in with me. When I was her age, the minimum wage was $2/hour. I was able to live on my own as I could find apartments for $60/month. The exact same 19th century 4-story-brownstone-walkup that I rented in the 70's for $60 now rents for $550. My bi-monthly take home pay at $2/hr was $130 or half of one pay check. The bi-monthly take home pay for 7.25/hr is around $520. The current rents take more than one paycheck to pay. The rents in Utah have skyrocketed in the last 10 or so years. Landlords are still raising the rent around 10%/yr. Very few people are still receiving a 10%/yr raise.

  • Springvillepoet Springville, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 7:58 a.m.

    Nothing can foresee tragedy or disaster, and temporary relief is a good thing. But there comes a time when you have to expect adult behavior from . . . well, adults. Hutterite is hitting close to the mark on this one. I see way too many of my graduating students not make plans for the future because they feel entitled to simply stay at home for an indefinite undetermined length of time to "figure things out."

    I am also a bit freaked out by the expectation that kids are placing onto the parents to pay for college. Fortunately, my wife and I had that conversation long ago. We define "help" as the occasional meal, or maybe a program for a computer which will make classes easier. Our sons all know if college is what they want, they are the ones who will have to figure out how to pay for it. The also know that a state school is good enough and 'for profit' schools are to be avoided. Period. End of sentence.

  • Nan BW ELder, CO
    Aug. 3, 2012 7:50 a.m.

    We've had adult children, with spouses and children live with us. In each case the family later moved on to good jobs and independence. It presented some challenges, but I don't think it was indicative of laziness or lack of budgeting. When each family moved on, it was without student loan debt or credit card debts. One couple is still sharing one cell phone, and driving an old derelict van, which they keep running by the dad doing repairs.

  • Hutterite American Fork, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 7:28 a.m.

    A lot of 'em aren't trying too hard. They seem to feel entitled to a perfect and effortless adulthood and if they can't have that they'll just stop trying. We need each generation to be real, functional people on their own, not middle aged dependents.

  • My2Cents Taylorsville, UT
    Aug. 3, 2012 5:29 a.m.

    What can you say? Are children really that lazy and irresponsible and dependent that they can't live on their own? If the got rid of there cell phones it would pay any babysitter quite well.

    It's time for parents to put their feet down and make today's children learn how to budget, save, and spend their incomes. We all begin in poverty and being poor, its time children learn to appreciate all the years their parents invested in their well being and you start with the word "No" to children.

    You start life with no debit or credit cards either, they are crutches of deception that cripple prosperity and the american dream and it basic to being independent and on their own.