The pain of coming home empty-handed

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  • Swedish reader Stockholm, Sweden
    July 7, 2012 12:46 p.m.

    When I inventoried cemetaries, there was one grave that, according to the headstone, only had one person buried in it - a man who died in the 90's. As i gathered information, I found a written record that stated that in that grave, the man's twin daughters also rested - born in the 1950's, one of them stillborn and the other died a few days later. I added them to the computerized grave register. A little later I talked to the widow/mother, and she told me they weren't allowed to hold or even see their girls. With tears in her eyes, she said "Thank you for remembering my girls". She had gone 60 years with this sorrow inside her. She died soon after almost 90 years old.

    Thank you so much for sharing your sister's story and insights. I wish this woman could have heard it.

  • dotGone Puyallup, WA
    July 5, 2012 9:27 p.m.

    I loved reading this article. Thank you for sharing the experience. I haven't had this particular sorrow, but I've had my "share" and have learned that asking for the healing/strengthening power of the Atonement into our lives can bring exquisite peace. We can be healed and learn concepts that will help us help others. When you let the Lord help you through it, He helps you learn what you need to know and your soul expands, your heart becomes - - can't put it into words except through a series of scriptures 1Peter4:12 Then 2Corinthians 4:17, then 2Timothy2:21. Read them in that order over a few times. Comforting and enlightening.

  • Gram Cracker Price, UT
    July 5, 2012 7:16 p.m.

    Mercifully, hospitals and personnel are much more sensitive than they were 40+ years ago. The babies were not seen by the parents. There was no thought of a funeral or even a burial. The babies were "disposed of" by the hospital and you went home with aching arms. Then people tried never to talk about it, for fear of making you feel bad. Mothers and fathers should talk about it as much and as long as they need to. Finally, years and years later, you don't think about it every day anymore -- but these babies are never forgotten.

  • Cali Fan San Luis Obispo, CA
    July 5, 2012 9:58 a.m.

    This hit home with me because like the sister in this article, my first child, a girl, was stillborn 33 years ago this month, the result of many many medical errors by the hospital and doctor (no, I did not sue). I remember that painful day and the days that followed all too easily these three decades later, but I can tell this sister that I, too, had fear and anxiety over "what next" and "what if." But there WAS joy that followed. Despite being a high risk patient because of the first outcome, I delivered a healthy baby boy two years later who was and is the joy of my life. Because of what happened, I definitely drew closer to the Lord and was so filled with gratitude for the gift that was my son. Looking back, the lesson for me at the time was to appreciate the tender mercies and, looking forward, to have faith that everything works out for our good even when the pain seems never-ceasing. We learn from sorrow what true joy is. I echo what others have expressed: may the Lord richly bless your life.

  • RN4moms Bountiful, UT
    July 5, 2012 9:25 a.m.

    I have also experienced this pain - many years ago. But, the thing about emotional pain (really about all bad or great things that happen to us) is that the memory can stay for a very long time. It's been over 30 years for me. I had two more children and now 18 grandchildren, but I can remember every detail as if it were yesterday. I remember a very insensitive hospital staff (as a nurse I know that in most cases these cases are treated with great compassion now, but not then). Like any loss, the pain changes and having some knowledge of the meaning of life, as well as the afterlife, helps immensely. I don't know how people do it without faith. But, we learn. I learned to be a more sensitive nurse and to do things they didn't do for me.

    My prayers for your sister. The aching of empty arms will lessen in time but your perspective is good. I would advise family members to talk to her as much as she wants about the experience and this child. There is a tendency to sweep under the rug what already has a feeling of unreality.

  • Mike Fekete CH1 Cherry Hill, NJ
    July 5, 2012 7:29 a.m.

    Well written, and extremely powerful! The analogy between childbirth and the Saviour's suffering and Atonement is a very clear teaching point. May the Lord richly bless you and your sister.

  • Mike Fekete CH1 Cherry Hill, NJ
    July 5, 2012 7:26 a.m.

    Well written, and extremely powerful! I appreciate the analogy to the Saviour's atonement. It helps me in my time of need to remember he bled and died for me, and knows and loves me in ways I couldn't possibly comprehend. May the Lord richly bless you and your sister.

  • megen Truth or Consequences, NM
    July 5, 2012 7:05 a.m.

    May God bless your sis in a very rich way.