Basic, common sense values that seem to be misunderstood in our society. The
direction our society goes is a direct reflection on what is happening within
the homes of our families. This is good advice for all families to work towards.
While every situation may be different, the core values outlined here still are
Uncommon sense, dads like it when kids act up at church. Then they can go
outside. I'm not like that, but some are. It's a staged thing.
When my wife and I started having children my mother taught us that it's
not how much you love your children but how much others love them. If you love
your kids by indulging them at every whim you create demanding, obnoxious and
mal-adjusted children that no one wants to be around. We have a nice family
with 6 kids in our ward. When the kids act up, as all children do, in meeting
then dad takes them out to play. So what dod they do? They act up so they can
go play. When my children were little and acted up I took them out and went
into a room by ourselves where they sat on my lap. No playing, no coloring and
no fun. Pretty soon they learned that they would be much happier when they
behaved. Now they have grown up with children of their own. Children who
behave well because that is what is being passed down.
MyChildrensKeeper -I used to feel a little like you - that is before
I became an elementary school teacher, and my husband switched careers to being
a high school teacher - both of us just in the last 3 years. I went
back to school 5 years ago after 18 years, as a conservative stay-at-home mom,
with my defenses up. While I found that things are not perfect, they are far
from what you describe or what I believed. Both my husband and I have found the
schools to be very supportive of parents - we actually teach three of our own
kids in our classes and together deal with hundreds of students and parents.We teach in Utah so maybe we would run into more problems in other
states, but not to the level you describe. Heater - thanks, my
husband is a good guy. I could not parent effectively without him.
My mother first taught me that she loved me, then I trusted her enough to let
her teach me other things. I remember once sharing what I thought
was real with my mom. She told me what was right and encouraged me to "find
out for myself that it was true" which was as simple in that instance as
going outside and seeing something we had in the barnyard. But, because she
dealt with me in a loving and considerate way, I didn't find it hard to
believe anything else she tried to teach me. I became her "disciple."
It is good to remember that the word "discipline" comes from
the same word as "disciple."Even (or especially) after
raising my own 4 children to responsible adulthood, I believe that for teachings
to be internalized as part of the child's life, the child needs to follow
it willingly--not by the slightest degree of force, outside control, or even
bribery. I'm talking about self-control over parental control. Patience,
love, example, kindness, play a huge part of the time spent interacting
A voice of reason, and Jeanie, great comments. Spoken like true pros!
It sounds like this parenting conference aren't dealing with the real world
and how efficiently the education system and government controls have stolen the
childrens minds, their core beliefs, and core standards of family. Children have
been taught that parents are their enemies and not to believe or trust them with
16 control hrs a day to hammer it their minds. When the federal food
police and Michele Obama can walk in to a school and yank a childs home prepared
lunch out of their hands and tell them their parents are feeding them wrong and
replace it with MacNuggets, that explains the dysfunctional families that have
drifted down different paths in the country. Government and education is
alienating the children from parents with drugs, spying, and lies.During my time I did try the homework assistance but in every subject and case
the child was given a bad grade because their work was not done how the schools
wanted it done even with the right answers and they was told not to allow me tho
help them. Our schools and education system are the enemy of family and unity,
parents are being blind sided by federal education system.
I love your husband's sentiment, Jeanie B. Must be a good guy.
The best things we ever did with our 5 kids was take them out on
"dates' monthly - one parent, one kid. We started when our oldest was
in kindergarten. As teens and young adults now they are still comfortable
hanging out with us. Second, we had family prayer morning and
evening which included the ritual of everyone hugging and saying "I love
you". The hug was a little tighter from me if there had been a discipline
issue earlier in the day. It was a good time to "take their pulse" - to
read their demeanor to see if there was something on their mind.My
son's seminary teacher asked the kids when the last time was that they told
their parents they loved them. My 15 year old son didn't say anything, but
told me later that he was thinking, "Well, this morning, and last night and
yesterday morning, and..."Being there for your kids is tough
work, but well worth the effort. When we run into parenting challenges my
husband reminds me, "This is why parents get paid the big bucks!" :)
It is true that a responsible parent is a present parent and I don't
disagree with this guy. However, quality matters as much as quantity.Some people think their children should be in 10 different sports at once and
that they should attend every last practice and game. Watching your kid play
ball isn't a substitute for spending real time together. Some parents are
present but never help their kid with homework when they need it. Some parents
want to be best friends and hang out with their kids, but don't want to say
'no' when something is wrong for their children.We all
know right from wrong and we all know what the right thing to do as a parent is.
The problem isn't our know-how but our will. We need to desire helping our
families more than ourselves. It's about changing ourselves from
self-thinking to selfless-thinking. This is the mentality of Family Home
Evening. It isn't about going to the next movie, game, or thrill-ride.
It's about teaching, building up, and living happy together. In my opinion,
that is one of the biggest problems many families face.