I appreciated the title of this article because I feel the truth is clearly
being addressed. I am not sure why this would be a negative when in reality
this is why there are so many divorces because many feel it is too hard. If we
could approach daily living with franc's principle."giving 100%"
the divorce rate wouldn't exist. Unfortunately, too many go into marriage
thinking like franc, which is idealistic not realiztic, though I am happy it is
working for them or is someone in denial? Giving 100% to a relationship
isn't possible unless the other conforms completely to your wishes. I am a
runner and my husband is a fast walker and this morning I asked if he could slow
down his walk so I could join him before I run. He was frustrated because he
didn't want to change his pace and when I told him I am giving up part of
my run to walk with him he consented reluctantly. He was willing yet did pout
but I felt he was trying. There is nothing more rewarding then knowing all the
effort and hard work truly has belssed my life.
I like the part about "showing up anyway". I have been married 35
years, and sometimes all I could do was show up. But I DID show up, and
it gets easier and more fulfilling as the years go by.It is still work
some days, for my husband too, I'll bet!...but it is worth it.
The longer we've been married, the more grateful I become that my spouse
put up with me in those years when I was still learning (and fighting against)
what it means to become "one." Well into decade #3, I still have a lot
to learn! Franc is right on, and I'm striving to live more of those
principles. EJM, I'm sorry that you had to endure someone who wasn't
worthy of your love and devotion (it sounds suspiciously like a cousin of mine
with the initials MS who remarried last week). I think marriage is work, but for
me it's the best, most rewarding, and most fulfilling work I've ever
undertaken. I am more in love with my spouse now than I was when we married, and
expect that love to grow in proportion to the investment we make in serving and
building one another.
From the perspective of a retired marriage and family therapist, frankly, franc
has it right. In fact, franc, is more than right. Franc is absolutely and
unequivocally right."Battlefield," and such other labels
applied to marriage and family are at best overstated; at worst they paint a
pessimistic and unrealistic and destructive perspective, which rather quickly
becomes very discouraging. Thirteen years? Try 25 or 50.When our job
begins to feel like a battlefield, we flat-out quit! And we look for another
one! That marriage and family life are at times difficult to manage
and make productive and rewarding, there is no doubt. But "battlefield"
implies there's a winner and there's a loser. If such a perspective is
not changed to "challenging" or, better yet, a "work in
progress" and truly seen as such, chances of making marriage successful and
actually beautiful are greatly reduced.
I was married for 32 days a few years ago to a woman who told me time and time
again that marriage was hard, that it was difficult. In 32 days she was home
before 9:30 at night, and where she was I still have no idea. In 32 days I spent
one weekend with her. No matter what I did she had to be elsewhere. The kicker
was being accused of being unfaithful when as it turned out it was her being
unfaithful. Now I am married to an incredibly kind and sweet woman.
We talk. We discuss. Both of us put each other first. It has never been work. It
has never been about me, or about her. Marriage is about the other and when both
are on that page it is a joy. I feel bad for the author that she thinks it is
Like Shari Dew says in her book's title..."If Life Were Easy It
Wouldn't Be Hard." There is something right and good implied in those
words. And as Jimmy Dugan said in "A League of Their Own,"
"It's supposed to be hard... The hard is what makes it great." What
we see from the top of the mountain is glorious, but no one falls to get there.
Wow ... sad. I couldn't disagree with her more ...my marriage has
been incredibly easy - maybe it's the principles we live by:*
giving 100% each (not the 50/50 business - that's only half)* saying
"I'm sorry"* saying "let me do that for you"*
saying "no big deal, it doesn't matter" * saying "I
didn't know that bothered you, I'll try to change (not "oh yeah?
what about what YOU do?)etc etc etcThese things go for both of the
partners, not just one. And yes, I know this sounds smug. But it works for us.
Great article and sentiment! Some marriages are hard, very hard where every
issue is made into a battlefield. Yet even in these cases, while you have no
control over other's choices, you can still choose to do the right thing
and find great peace and joy amidst the greatest storms. That peace and joy
comes as you overcome your own weaknesses while striving to help and bless
others. On the other hand, when a marriage is sweet where both partners are
giving their all to serve the other and do the right thing, the sweetness, depth
of love and spirituality is beyond anything that can be imagined. Whether
sunshine or terrible storm, hang in there, forget about yourself as you choose
the right and you will have peace and joy even amidst the most arduous journey.
Notice how the lady gave her opinion on marriage -- how she viewed things from
her experiences -- and everyone that disagrees with her does so based on their
experiences in life. I think that's why for some marriage is easy and for
others hard, we all have different experiences, which form our opinions, and we
have to live with people with similar or different opinion. This
was nothing more than an opinion piece, and everyone else here is also giving
opinions on the comments. Let's not argue with the author only using our
Marriage can be hard, but it is very rewarding. However, there is not really
enough detail in this blog post to know what the author really has in mind.
I don't think that it is marriage that is difficult, but there are just
plain difficult times that we all have to go through in life in general, whether
you are married or not. I have been so grateful to have a good supportive
husband to go through these difficult times with me. I have a great appreciation
for those who do not have this support and are able to struggle along anyway.
The basic solution to making marriage great is the spouses who are totally
unselfish and willing to give and take for the betterment of the family..
I agree with the author. A good marriage isn't fallen into, it is worked
at. Mostly the work is joyful and sweet, but there can be sometimes for both
spouses when it is just work. This is why marriage is a commitment, not just an
arrangement. Commitment keeps us "showing up" when we may not see eye
to eye. Gender and personality differences can clash. I agree that God must have
a sense of humor commanding two distinct perspectives to become one, yet I must
say I am a better, more balanced and happier woman having been married to a
wonderful man for 25 years.
I clicked on the article, because I was genuinely intrigued by the title. I
agree with Sam Cleach on this one: after twelve years, my marriage is the best
thing in my life (which the author may actually agree with), but also one of the
easiest. I can't remember the last time we had to dig in, or fight for our
position on something. Living a life with someone who has agreed to forge a
joint identity with you, and pursue your goals together just makes everything
easier. If it were as hard as she makes it out to sound, I'm not sure
I'd stick with it--even if the payoff was tremendous. Not all marriages
are difficult. I also suspect that part of the reason for the difference is
that we've never had children. And that says quite a lot. People need to
ask whether their marriage presents the challenge, or raising children together
Being single is hard. Being married is much easier. I suppose I should credit my
patient and selfless wife for that.
Paddycakes, thank you for the laugh of the day! "It's more difficult
to be a man than to be a mother." You are too funny.
I disagree,life is hard,a good marriage makes it easier.
Not the best article about marriage. If you think marriage is hard, try being
single searching for a mate. Or a single parent. I have around much longer
than the author and would never describe marriage as a "battle" or
"hard." There are real battles and real hardships in life. Marriage
enters that category only if one or both of the partners is grossly immature or
It seems strange the a wonderful state like Utah has to get on the politically
correct bandwagon. This article is about back-door man bashing. In honesty, it
is more difficult for be a man, married man, father, et al than it is to be a
mother. The onus is upon the man to make government and the family unit to work
I appreciate the difficulties in marriage. The difficulty goes both ways between
women and men. Women and men are inherently different, making it difficult for
both. Both feel, think and approach things very differently. Expectations for
both are very differently. Neither one is wrong, its just a different paradigm.
The key is to discuss dreams, expectations and to spend more time listening and
validating each others perspectives. I think God has a sense of humor creating
us so differently, but it is in learning how to work with the difference
successfully is what will enable to progress in the hereafter. Marriage at best
is difficult for both male and female.
Keep going, Ellen. Sounds like you are doing OK to me. 13 years is not long
enough to become wise and seasoned. It's long enough to become more wise
and seasoned than newlyweds, but you still have a journey ahead of you.