Infidelity: Women catching up in terms of cheating

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  • USAlover Salt Lake City, UT
    Nov. 19, 2012 12:12 p.m.

    We will ALWAYS have thoughts come into our minds. I no longer feel guilty for when a bad thought comes into my mind. Our brain is just a computer that sends information to our conscious for reasons we can't always know. I'm frankly tired of Church lessons that make us feel guilty for dirty thoughts. They're normal. They're random. They're innocent, unless we let them linger.

    I continue to see LDS people deal with guilt and unnecessary suffering due to the method of teaching that demonizes sex and sexual thoughts. President Packer teaches that the male sex drive is as strong as it is because otherwise a percentage of men would "not take on the responsibility of marriage and child raising".

    Let's re-word our teaching to "entertaining thoughts". I remember a very righteous and well-known Church leader sharing that "dirty thoughts" still come and always will, but the frequency and intensity can diminish with righteous choices.

  • JayTee Sandy, UT
    Nov. 18, 2012 6:16 p.m.

    A lot of marriages fail because someone is having an affair with another person. But we rarely discuss all those that fail because someone is having an affair with the TV, the refrigerator, or a credit card.

  • korn75 Cedar Hills, UT
    Nov. 18, 2012 9:13 a.m.

    @A Voice of reason - You are kidding yourself if you think that faithful LDS don't cheat. I have had many faithful LDS friends (and some family) who have dealt with cheating in their marriage. If being faithful in a marriage is so easy for church members who "listen to the prophet", why are subscriptions to pornographic websites so high in Utah? By the way, I agree with the person who said they don't listen to "God" or "Satan". For me, I listen to my conscience. My conscience is based on what I have learned and experienced throughout my life.

  • rlsintx Plano, TX
    Nov. 17, 2012 4:40 p.m.

    I guess in the past all the men cheated with a couple of women ? By definition if a man is cheating, a woman is part of it (assuming a traditional man-woman marriage). I've never understood the attention foisted at the failings of MEN, when there's a woman involved as well in dang near all of the cases. Share blame where blame is due.

  • Schwa South Jordan, UT
    Nov. 16, 2012 4:36 p.m.

    As Mr. Miyagi once said, "Best defense, no be there." Stay single, my friends.

  • johnnyreggae london, 00
    Nov. 16, 2012 6:23 a.m.

    re-Millsap fan... You speak as if only a prohet can hold uch high morals and therefore express encouragment to his flock...To thrust my point futher Can you name one thing that the modern day prohets have instructed his flock reqarding morality that any other church can not or has not...In fact Morrality and the safe gaurd of the ''family'' is shared by all the worlds reigion and atheists ,it is a human trait, and yet Mormons attitude is as if it is a unique selling point of the church...too much of a big deal is made about the prohet , also too much affection to the point of fanaticism...Mormons should be very careful of this...No wonder the outside world think we worship the prohet.

  • Millsap fan Taylorsville, UT
    Nov. 15, 2012 12:13 p.m.

    @Ernest T Bass,

    I understand your point, but it definitely helps to have a prophet encouraging his people to be chaste and virtuous both in word and example.

  • worf Mcallen, TX
    Nov. 14, 2012 6:25 p.m.


    If you're not married, there is no cheating.

  • johanBjorn Salt lake city, UT
    Nov. 14, 2012 12:26 p.m.

    I dated an LDS girl for four years. It ended after she sobbingly confessed to cheating on me with another LDS guy. She felt as if I wasn't good enough because I wasn't LDS, and I couldn't take her to the temple. They are now married.

    Meanwhile, I have been married for two years and I have a beautiful baby boy that I love more than anything. I would never dream of cheating on my wife, because we love each other.

    The best part is we're both Atheist (well, she's agnostic, but no one's perfect).

    Religious 'leadership' has never had, nor will it ever have, and impact on personal matters like this. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to do it regardless of the advice they've received from 'higher up'

  • worf Mcallen, TX
    Nov. 14, 2012 9:06 a.m.

    When women become like men, civilizations fall.

  • procuradorfiscal Tooele, UT
    Nov. 13, 2012 1:52 p.m.

    Re: "For folks who struggle with the math . . . ."

    Uh, no.

    Regardless of which is married, both are still guilty of adultery.

    Or, in other words, cheating.

  • Brahmabull sandy, ut
    Nov. 13, 2012 1:33 p.m.

    A voice of Reason

    While it may be true you can't listen to both god and satan, it is very possible to listen to neither. I listen to myself, and rely on myself and family. Just because a person doesn't believe in god doesn't mean they have no moral integrity, just as being religious doesn't mean that you do have moral integrity.

  • cougardevil TEMPE, AZ
    Nov. 13, 2012 1:20 p.m.

    For folks who struggle with the math of the article: a married man (woman) can cheat with a single woman (man), thereby creating a man (woman) who cheats and an unmarried woman (man) having pre-marital sex.

  • procuradorfiscal Tooele, UT
    Nov. 13, 2012 12:37 p.m.

    Re: "Women catching up"

    How could that be?

    Hasn't it always taken both for cheating to occur?

  • JWB Kaysville, UT
    Nov. 12, 2012 9:01 p.m.

    Addiction to drugs of all types and the availability of pornography have helped our country and the world into a new era of uncontrolled appetites for many.

    We have known this for centuries in a variety of cultures. People go through this type of perversion and their nation or society suffers and some go under.

    We aren't the first nor will we be the last to suffer these consequences whether is is obesity or loss of moral values.

  • Ann Blake-Tracy Henderson, NV
    Nov. 12, 2012 5:10 p.m.

    It took two decades to recognize this? And how many marriages have been destroyed during that time?

    Interesting timeline - beginning with the introduction of SSRI antidepressants to the market & when we also began to see female teachers seducing male students. (In tracking those cases for two decades I have found it RARE that the offender was not on an antidepressant.)

    What is the connection? My 2006 presentation to the FDA on antidepressants covered this.

    From the article: " astonishing number of affairs are driven by sexual addiction, which thrives in American culture on readily available porn, ease of communicating online and less restrained cultural expectations. Behaviors once seriously shunned now draw shrugs."


    #1 Women have LONG been the highest users of antidepressants.

    #2 Patients call antidepressants the "I don't care" drugs ("shrugs" drugs?).

    #3 Studies demonstrate a falling out of love rapidly on antidepressants due to an inability to "feel" love any longer.

    #4 Antidepressants are notorious for inducing mania/hypomania. Nymphomania (sexual compulsions) is one type - degree varies depending on the level of toxicity. Those suffering mania, hypomania, or Bipolar have LONG been known to have problems with infidelity & holding marriages together because of the infidelity.

  • Instereo Eureka, UT
    Nov. 12, 2012 11:23 a.m.

    This is an incomplete story at best. How can you prove if males are over stating or females understating the truth? Is an affair only when a person is married? What happens if you are single and your love interest is married, is it an affair then? With married couples barely making up 50% of adults now, there are a lot of single individuals involved in relationships that may not call it an affair but nevertheless one of the people are married. So what does it really matter if less women have affairs when they are married but more single women are involved with married men than single men involved with married women. Sex is sex and it takes two, married or single for one or both of the individuals involved. Sex is also much more complicated then just procreation. I believe a few years ago there was an article explaining 234 reasons for sex. Having an affair probably accounts for about 150 or the reasons.

  • Ernest T. Bass Bountiful, UT
    Nov. 12, 2012 8:57 a.m.

    There are agnostics & atheists who never cheat and there are plenty of people who do listen to a "prophet's" voice who do cheat. Religion doesn't prevent cheating. Not even close.

  • JWB Kaysville, UT
    Nov. 12, 2012 8:29 a.m.

    Putting it in a time of the now Former CIA Director, it is appropriate to have this article surfacing. Cheating is usually a two party affair and women and men have both been involved, usually.

    We live in a world that cheating is more accepted, it appears, than in the past. Infidelity or sex is not the only way people cheat. Are they honest with everybody? If they are not, then that is lying and cheating.

    People don't think a little lie is bad or a little cheating is bad. People rationalize their behavior as just a little cheating or lying isn't bad. Then it goes on for day, months and years and then people are hooked.

    Having worked with people over my life who rationalized these types of behavior, not only with their spouse, but with other people, their lives are not necessarily ones that are happy.

    One key to a Happy life and as a family is to be honest and true to your spouse and family.
    Tolstoy said: "Happy Families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

    If our decisions include integrity and honor we will be happy, always.

  • Roland Kayser Cottonwood Heights, UT
    Nov. 12, 2012 12:39 a.m.

    Men cheat more than women. Men have sex with many more partners than women. These are both common stereotypes, but most professional statisticians say they are nonsense. The figures for both genders have to be roughly comparable, because every one of those men has to have a partner, and unless many, many men have the same female partner, the numbers have to be relatively close.

  • BCA Murrieta, CA
    Nov. 11, 2012 9:25 p.m.

    "You are either listening to God or satan."

    I've been married to the same woman for 37 years. Faithful all 37. I don't listen to either God or Satan.

  • t702 Las Vegas, NV
    Nov. 11, 2012 7:13 p.m.

    This problem had been around for centuries and will no doubt live on for centuries to come. King David and his son King Solomon struggled with this even though they were very spiritual men. Christ said he who look upon a woman and lust after her commit adultery in his heart. Not only Christ pointed out the problem, he also provide the solution which is our thoughts. With cultures such as ours where premarital sex and cheating is paraded in front of your living room, what do you expect?

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    Nov. 11, 2012 9:37 a.m.

    Out of the number of faithful Latter-day Saints who have headed the counsel of our prophets and other priesthood leaders, the number of those who have cheated on their spouses is 0.

    Members of the church can certainly sin, so I'm not saying that "LDS means you're better than others". I'm saying that by listening to our prophets, etc. we are headed in the right direction. You are either listening to God or satan. You can't be doing both. The things of God, prophets, scriptures, etc. are calling you in one direction. Porn, other people or their appearance, a political agenda designed to build nothing but contention, and every last cunning design of Satan are calling you downward.

    Wrong doing only exists because at some point even a good person looked in the wrong direction- listening to what is tempting instead of what is right. Even the best people can and do make mistakes. We're fortunate that there is always a way to turn back around and start stepping forward in the right direction.

    "It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines." -Jeffrey R. Holland