Study: Marital conflict affects kids; not all conflict has negative effects

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  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Sept. 9, 2012 12:23 a.m.

    24 years, 4 kids, too many arguments to count. Not a good record.

    Seems to me the hardest thing is when one spouse does something unkind to the other and refuses to admit they made a mistake. Who is right? Is it the one that is hurt seeing things accurately or perhaps is the one hurt just being overly sensitive and no 'hurt' should have been experienced at all?

    To me, that is the hardest situation to deal with, by far.

    If after talking about your feelings and the other person refuses to apologize, it feels like simply forgiving the other person merely opens yourself up to further pain in the future. That whole "seventy times seven" thing is no easy task....

    I will say that the older I get the more I realize just how much conflict I cause by being impatient, overly negative and being slow to forgive. It just isn't all my spouse. I do hope my kids are learning SOMETHING positive from all this; perhaps most of all that it's possible to be really upset at someone you love but still stay committed to the marriage and the expectation of making it work.

  • Danny Chipman Lehi, UT
    Sept. 6, 2012 9:41 a.m.

    I like the notion of letting the kids see you argue from time to time. I was raised in the mindset that you should never let the kids see conflict between you and your spouse, but seeing how handicapped youth are nowadays when it comes to maturely handling interpersonal problems, I think watching Mom and Dad diplomatically resolve differences would be highly beneficial for the kids. And goodness knows kids need to realize that marriage isn't a smooth ride all the time!

    One thing that bothered me, though, at the beginning of the article, was the Garcia dad's mocking the mother after their quibble over laundry. For all their talk about respect and love later on, that example seemed completely lacking in it. Quite an immature example to set for the kids, even if Mom was "laughing", too.