A heart big enough for two: Navigating an open adoption

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  • K Mchenry, IL
    April 21, 2013 6:10 a.m.

    They are both your mom. Neither needs a qualifier. It's not a contest.

  • Flyer St. George, UT
    April 19, 2013 2:34 p.m.

    I realize every situation is different. That said, I was adopted myself. My wife and I have adopted two children, and I've met my birth mother. So I have a pretty good understanding of the psychology, feelings, and emotions which accompany adoption. Due to my adoption experience, I feel like my perspective is unique when it comes to this subject.

    For me, meeting my birth mother well into adulthood (in my forties), was very much the right thing as far as timing goes. Growing up, there was no question in my mind I ended up in the right family. In fact, my feelings went so far as to shutter at the thought of my not being placed for adoption. I had a hunch that my life would have been drastictally different had I not been adopted. These feelings where confirmed upon meeting my birth mother, and learning about her life. Upon meeting her 5 yrs ago, on of the first thing I said was: "thank you for allowing me to have my life". Since then, she's enriched my life. However, there's no question my mom is my mom. Having her involved in my life would have complicated things.

  • DGDENTON Gainesville, TX
    Aug. 6, 2012 12:09 p.m.

    As an adult adoptee and a convert to the LDS Church I am grateful to see an article which recognizes the old practice of keeping adoptees from their original family is detrimental to the adoptee. For 80 or so years the socialists among us has assured us that a newborn could be transplanted from one family to another without any repercussions for the adoptee, adoptive parents, or the birth parents. The social sciences are finally beginning to understand that infants are not a product to be moved from one family to another. These ideas are rooted in socialism which declares we are products of our environment and that heredity plays no part in personality development. I have worked in my state to get the "Sealed Records Laws" reformed. So far, we have made little progress, but I expect we will see the day before I die when adult adoptees will have access to all their records just as non-adoptees do. The old arguments against opening records have proven to be untrue. Thanks your for running this article.

  • LAL South Jordan, UT
    July 30, 2012 1:51 p.m.

    FINALLY more information on something our family has shared with our sons birthparents for nearly 13 years. It's rewarding and gratifying and a gift that we are all so pleased to be able to offer our growing boy.

    One valuable critique for the author however, "They searched and were eventually able to find Stacy's birth father. After an initial meeting without Stacy, and some visits with the therapist, Stacy met her father. He was, since then, a natural part of their lives. Stacy would see her father at her home several times a year — on birthdays, holidays or special occasions — and keep in contact over the phone."
    Stacy's 'father' is her 'birth father' a distinction very important when referring to adoption and the roles that those of us in the triad posses. Not using that distinction literally makes my skin crawl!

  • Rachel Lowry Salt Lake City, UT
    July 30, 2012 9:58 a.m.

    A very good point - thank you for making it. I suppose the interpretation of what the heart is big enough for is hardly limited, if even quantifiable. And if they were, the father would be (and is) every bit as important and necessary.

  • K Mchenry, IL
    July 30, 2012 7:42 a.m.

    Article fine but don't like the title. Heart big enough for 3. Dad...