This pathetic. I'm sorry if my wife didn't want to be married and
uprooted our three children and moved them 2,000 miles away. Dang, I was working
4 jobs (she also worked) and I still was involved in the lives of our children.
She felt unfulfilled and needed to "find herself." But somehow I remain
blamed for every misstep our children have made and will make. Then an article
such as this comes along and adds to the myth of poor fatherhood. This so sad.
I can testify from personal experience that women most certainly DO make up lies
about sexual molestation and child abuse. I was fortunate (and blessed) that
the courts saw through this and I was able to go on to raise my children singly.
Five years later, my ex passed away, so we, in effect, lost her twice.
I do think our legal system was formulated in an era where men were less
involved in the rearing of their children. As a result, many legal decisions
favor women in a way that makes fatherly involvement less feasible. In speaking
with a local judge, I also learned that many women today are using abuse claims
against their husbands as a tool to escape the social stigma attached with
divorce while securing custody of the children. Knowing first hand of such a
case where the charges are unfounded, I hope that our legal system will evolve
in a way that is both considerate of women (or men) who are legitimately victims
of abuse while also protecting innocent victims of such charges.
Just a suggestion--Photos like this one and the one used for the child
pornography article are unnecessary and sort of juvenile. I would expect shots
like these out of a high school newspaper, but these look like the editor told
his kid to capture the essence of fathers who bail on their kids and told his
kid to come up with something silly, but catchy. Either omit them or treat the
problems with professional respect.
Interesting article but there's something missing. It just doesn't add
up. Specifically, there's no mention of the role of women/mothers in
contributing to fatherless homes. In fact, there's virtually no mention of
women at all here other than as very passive players in the family dynamic who
simply need to be "gifted" with a good husband (p.2).Don't forget a great many women CHOOSE single parenting--led by celebrity
figures such as Sandra Bullock or Halle Berry--and are culturally rewarded for
it. We've got a family court system that rewards women who create
fatherless homes with cash, prizes and child custody. And we've got
government programs that indirectly incentivize single-mother parenting. And among divorce "victims", keep in mind women initiate
two-thirds of American divorce. In the LDS church (and, by implication, a great
many Utahns) the rate of mother-initiated divorce may be even higher as
referenced by Thomas Monson, who in April 2011 said, "The vast majority of
requests for cancellations of sealings come from women who... could not overcome
the problems."There's something more going on in fatherless
homes than simply "fathers who fail".
For the young men out there, I caution you against fathering children or
marrying in the current hostile climate against biological fathers and men in
general. There is no pain greater than being abandoned by a family and losing
contact with your children, against your own wishes. Add to that
child support payments that are designed to plunge you into debt and jail and
you have a recipe for a very miserable and unproductive life. You
can be the best husband and father in the world but if the wife wants to destroy
you, she is allowed to do so, with no questions asked.That being
said, a wife and children are the greatest gift from Heavenly Father. Look into
moving to a different country to pursue this path.
I tried my best to save my marriage. In the end the courts let my ex move 500
miles away with my son. I went from being a 50-50 parent to being a weekend
visitor; that is when I could afford it. After I lost my job, I went into debt
because of child support. Now I have not seen my son or even spoken to him in
seven years. Am I to blame for my absence from my son's life? No. My
ex-wife and the courts are to blame. When everyone should have been
doing there best to keep us together, they were tearing us apart, including the
church elders who should have been much more strict on my ex wife. The next
article needs to be titled something like this: "Why do women choose to
destroy their families."
Quite frankly this article is disappointing because it does not delve into the
reasons "why" fathers are absent. The article repeats what we men
already know; that fathers are important to children. The article is following a
disturbing trend all across America: that fathers are somehow to blame for being
abset.Considering that the authorities, the family courts, and the
general public take everything the woman says as gospel and pander to her, the
woman has all the power in today's society. If the woman has all the power
and the father is absent, then the woman probably chose to make the father
absent. In many cases, the woman has moved away with the children.
In other cases, the woman has done her best to keep the children from the
father. The laws need to be changed and the women need to be punished. There no
needs to me 50-50 custody with no moveaways allowed.
The hard core women's movement has also had a hand in neutering men. Do you
recall all the complaints about men we heard especially back in the 1970's,
80's and 90's? Do you recall that it was popular to subject men to
derision and complaints about everything men did? Women couldn't be women
they had to be men too. Listen to the way women talk about men when they think
men are not around to hear.
Hmmm...so what constitutes a "Father who fails." I get the absent or
physically abusive. What else, if anything, constitutes a failure and who gets
to decide that?
Men and boys have a tough path in our society. We have endorsed a whole litany
of distractions as mainstream now. We tell men that marriage isn't
important anymore, that commitment is passe' and that the whole
relationship is based solely upon the person with whom you're having sexual
relations--and that's the only criteria for whether or not it should be
legal. Men who protect women are no longer even permitted to be part of public
role models. Sport heroes are free to abuse women and rappers sing about
derogatory debasing conquests as though these things will bring happiness. The
only valid fathers in our current modern-day families are the ones that
aren't biologically related to their children. Under the banner of
tolerance we've dismissed all that was once noble and replaced it with
praise for the self-victimized and drama-addicted exceptions to the rule.
Lois M. Collins,Thank you for a WONDERFUL article!!I
could not appreciate this more. Parental involvement is so very important and
truly necessary for children. The evidence is overwhelming that Fathers and
Mothers are not just important- but that children really do need them both. Yes,
some people don't get both- but the evidence still says that we all NEED
both.My experience has been that when a man treats mom right, and
both are actively involved in their children's growth- that the influence
of such parents are an unstoppable force.Children deserve the very
best we have to give them.
Dear Pack: RE: Divorce is NEVER one sided.This one was. I did
everything I could to save my marriage. The Ex's story just keeps
PackLayton, UtahUncle Gadianton, divorce is NEVER one sided
just as success in marriage is NEVER one sided.RE: Then why is it
that only one side is punished in divorce court?Joint custody should
be the rule instead of the exception.
Uncle Gadianton, divorce is NEVER one sided just as success in marriage is NEVER
What does a Father do if the Mother refuses to allow him to fully interact with
his children? I had to get divorced, after my ex-wife convinced
herself, her family, and her bishop, that I somehow was a threat to her and my
child. Later, she admitted that she was wrong, but invented a whole new story
that we "HAD" to get divorced, and that everything is better this way.
It bothers me that no one questioned her false accusations, and no
one told her she should do everything in her power to keep the marriage intact.
I still have a stigma over my head (even though she admits that she was wrong,
she refuses to recant the accusations), and my relationship with my child is
mainly by telephone.Something is seriously wrong when I have to
endure this, and I am not allowed to question her fitness as a mother.
Millions of jobs that men do have moved overseas. Millions of immigrants, both
legal and illegal, have been hired by cheap-labor seeking employers, displacing
Dads and moving them into unemployment and poverty. And, our schools teach in
ways that favor girls, thus leaving the boys behind.I am saddened
but not surprised that Dads nationwide are struggling.
My father died when I was a baby and I know I missed out on many many advantages
of having a father but I'm glad he was absent through death rather then
divorce. I have seen so many friends and otherwise so devastated by their
father's lack of love, interest, etc. that I think there are worse things
So what if the Father never comes around to being a real Father. What does the
Mother do so the children have a more normal life?