Pairing Off: Pairing Off: How do you know if you've found 'the one'?

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  • Idaho Coug Meridian, Idaho
    May 20, 2011 2:40 p.m.

    Former Bishop - I can see why you relied more on your head for your current marriage. But I would think there can be a good combination of head, heart and spirit in such an important decision. It seems potentially dangerous to disgard one or the other.

  • Jeremy Parker Petersburg, Alaska
    May 20, 2011 2:38 p.m.

    Some people find someone equally as willing to keep a beautiful covenant with complete fidelity and serve each other above their own needs, which will guarantee the success of any marriage absent pre-conditions such as a lack of virtue or ugly unresolved skeletons. Others just know that there is one person that completes them and they find it. My wife and I have had a running conversation for over ten years that with any luck will never end or get boring for that matter. It is truly difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins. Can that be made rather than found? I believe so, but I am nevertheless glad to have found somebody that certainly was/is/will always be "the one." Some things take time and some things don't. That said treasure virtue above all else and find your equal else your past or theirs will catch up with you and may well take the relationship/trust/fidelity with it! Looks change. Dumb people become smart. Smart people become dumb. Rich become poor. Poor become rich. Time and innocence once lost cannot ever be regained! "For whoso can find a virtuous woman..."

  • Utah Valley Guy Springville, UT
    May 20, 2011 1:56 p.m.

    How do you know when you've found "the one?" You'll never know the answer to that question, because the question is rooted in a false and misleading premise. The question should be "How do you know when you've found someone you are willing to be committed to forever?"

    As a former Bishop and faithful member of the LDS church, who has been married to two unfaithful wives and who is now married to an angel, I know whereof I speak. I was looking for "the one" on the first two wives, but finally realized - after both of them cheated on me and divorced me - that I was looking for the wrong things in a woman. I was looking for a "spiritual manifestation" that they were "the one" - which never came, so I let my heart be my guide. Big mistake. The heart is a fickle, easily infatuated member of the body. The third time, I let my head be my guide and stopped looking to "fall in love" and instead decided to love someone worthy of my love, rather than someone who was "the one." Right decison; wonderful marriage; great blended family.

  • terra nova Park City, UT
    May 20, 2011 11:44 a.m.

    Several years ago, I met an old woman who was getting ready for her 65th wedding anniversary. Having just passed my 25th, I thought I was doing pretty well, but quickly realized I'd have to be married twice as long plus add another 15 to get where she was. So, I asked, "Can you give me, in just a few sentences, what has made it work for 65 years?"

    She cocked her head to one side, squinting a little into the sun, shaded her eyes with one hand and said, "He tries to put me first... in everything. And I... well, I really try to do the same thing for him... and somehow, it works."

    Books have been written that have said less than those few lines. The same principle holds true in courtship. One melds into the other.

  • higv Dietrich, ID
    May 20, 2011 6:53 a.m.

    To ranchhand when has same gender mariage been allowed? It failed miserably in every state that it has been put up for on the ballot. Same gender marriage has not been allowed for millenia. When the Lord said thou shalt not commit adultery he did not say except between same gender or consenting adults.

  • suzyk#1 Mount Pleasant, UT
    May 19, 2011 11:08 p.m.

    My LDS perspective on this article is: Take it slow, spend much time with others, ask questions, answer questions honestly, pray about each issue and I can honestly say that if you ponder much about this person, make your decision and then take it to the Lord. If you are sincere and patient you will receive that peace in your heart and mind if it is right, but if it is not right you will feel doubt and concern, thereby knowing it is not right. Be ready to receive an answer that is not what you want...but remember the Lord knows us very well(all of us) and if we will just listen and be patient we will know when that "right" person comes along.

  • Idaho Coug Meridian, Idaho
    May 19, 2011 10:02 p.m.

    Nice article Julia. Obviously several important criteria need to be met but I think you hit on probably the most important one. Just as important that you be sure to avoid the RM who claims he has received personal revelation that you are the one. If you say no, chances are he will receive the same revelation about your roomate next week. And how the heck do you think you are going to get married attending the Univ of MN? ;)

  • RanchHand Huntsville, UT
    May 19, 2011 8:14 a.m.

    Have I found "the one"? Yes.

    Can I marry him? No (bigotry precludes the possibility here in Utah, not even a "civil union").

    We've been in a committed relationship for nearly 13 years now, longer than the actual marriages of some of my siblings even lasted.