Keeping baby is selfish

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  • hmm
    July 6, 2008 11:03 p.m.

    "By not placing their babies for adoption, they keep themselves from experiencing the profound grief process involved"

    Am I the only one who thinks this among the dumbest lines ever printed by the Dnews?

    But I think I fail to understand what is going on. So a teen mother is "selfish" if she has an abortion and she is selfish if she keeps it...what a messed up world. Anyone that advocates mothers NOT keep their children if they are in any way capable of takin care of it, is a bitter ugly person.

  • An adoptee's opinion
    July 6, 2008 10:47 p.m.

    I was adopted at birth. My birth mother was unwed and about 20 years old. She did the best thing for me. I would never say that every unwed mother should place her baby for adoption, but I believe strongly that the majority would be far better off. Because I was adopted, I had a father and a stay at home mother from birth. I had a stable home and siblings. My parents loved their birth children and myself equally. Yes, biology matters - but it's not the most important part of parenthood. Adopted children are usually more stable and successful in life than the children of single mothers. I went to college, am happily married, and have children. How stable would I be if the first several years of my life were a mess?

    My birth mother finished college, had a career, married a good man years later and had more children of her own. Most unwed teen mothers who keep their babies don't get to do most of that. A far higher percentage of those who place their babies do. It's the mature, responsible, unselfish thing to do - even if it's the hardest thing she'll ever do.

  • adoptive mother
    July 6, 2008 10:45 p.m.

    In my circle of friends and family we have homegrown as well as 'imported' children of all ages and races -black, polynesian, Asian, etc.etc. etc. and as an adoptive parent myself, I resent the insinuation adoptive parents only want white children or that we are taking advantage of unwed mothers. There is plenty of state help for a mother who wants to keep her child, but bless the unselfishness of those precious single mothers to be who feel their baby would be better off with both a mother and father in a more stable situation. Biology is no enough to make a good parent and these moms realize that!

  • baby mill
    July 6, 2008 2:51 p.m.

    We need to stop taking advantage of these young teenage mothers.
    Every program that I have found, is programmed, and designed, to encourage, and/or coherse them, into vouluntarily relinqiishing their parental rights. We tell them its that right thing to do, and the only option. That their children will not have a happy life otherwise.
    How many of our grandmothers, had their children at a young age.
    Couples talk about wanting to adopt. But what they really mean is they want to adopt a white or asian child under the age of one.
    The demand exceeds the supply, so we put a guilt trip on young mothers, to give up their babies.
    There are right now, hundreds of legally free children waiting to be adopted in this state.
    Maybe if we help the young mothers keep their babies, the truly loving couples, will start to adopt some of these other children.

  • FaithNoMo
    July 6, 2008 2:39 p.m.

    Whoa, sure, in a lot of cases it is best for the young mother to put the child up for adoption. But saying it is "selfish" when you don't know each individual case is not right!
    It is up to the Mother of the child to really decide what is best for the child. It depends on the support she has. I would suggest adoption, but will not look down on her for keeping the child.

  • Adoptive Parents are great
    July 6, 2008 2:09 p.m.

    To adopt a child is an act of love and unselfishness. I disagree with people who say that biology means nothing though. If I had ever given a child up for adoption and found the child was being abused. I wouldn't stand for it. I know that all over the world children are being abused every day. But a biological link would make it closer to my heart. There is a link that biology provides that can be substituted for but not entirely replaced.

    If a girl keeps the child, and can take care of it, this is a good thing. She may even marry a guy who will accept her and her child as his own.

  • One size doesn't fit all
    July 6, 2008 1:57 p.m.

    When I was young I dated a girl with a young child. She chose to keep the baby. Eventually she married another guy. For her this was a good decision. The girl should make the decision. It isn't selfish to keep the baby unless one is unable to take care of it.

  • To Linda
    July 6, 2008 12:21 p.m.

    I think if I was a pregnant teenager, with any support whatsoever, that I would keep my baby. I just think there is something innate about a mother's love that can't be completely replicated. I have no doubt in my own mind that I would be what is best for my child. My child would have my DNA, my characteristics, as well as characteristics of my parents and other relatives. I would be in a unique position to recognize and respond to these traits as my child grew. I would be certain that my child was exposed to good role models and caring people besides myself. If anyone at all was willing to help me, I actually think that I would be what's BEST for MY baby. Money isn't everything. I also wouldn't want to deny my parents the right to experience THEIR grandchild. Now that, would be selfish!

  • Chris
    July 6, 2008 12:09 p.m.

    I wish society could work out a better system. I have an adopted son, and it wasn't until he was nearly grown that we learned about the "grieving" that baby's go through when they are separated from their mothers. They are more prone to feeding problems and colic. When they are older adopted children have other unique struggles--too many to list here. It isn't "just the same" as some people claim.

    We were able to give our adopted son a secure life, but there were intangible things that he missed from his birth mother. When we met her, he was so excited. "My other mother LIKES to play video games; my other mother LIKES horror movies, etc."

    I'm happy that we could be there for him, but there is so much that he missed from her. I wonder if "open" adoptions are more successful, or more confusing. I think this is an area that deserves a lot more research into what is truly "best" instead of simply claiming that all teens should give up their baby or else they are being "selfish" and not doing what is best for the child.

  • A Thought
    July 6, 2008 10:53 a.m.

    I believe there are certain cases where it may be justified, even preferable, for a teenage mother to keep the baby.

    However, being familiar with a case that is happening within my extended family right now, it is very clear that many teenage mothers keep the child out of selfishness.

    They, of course, do not feel it is selfishness, but by keeping the child from a stable home, with two parents, and instead forcing the child to grow up without a father, in an unstable home, with an irresponsible mother it is obviously not a choice in the child's favor.

    In the long run it can even be a poor choice for the mother, as children severely limit personal freedom and opportunities. As a father I am glad to make those sacrifices for my children, but a teenage mother possibly not even out of high school may not be.

    I do not attempt to understand how hard it must be to give up one's child. However, if a teenage mother truly loves and cares for the child more than herself she will give the baby a better life.

  • Anonymous
    July 6, 2008 10:08 a.m.

    Near the root of this issue is the inability to teach real contraception at schools. Abstinence, although the best policy, works for few of your teen. For something so important/life altering as teen pregnancy it is prudent to have a plan B, plan C, D... and one of these plans should not be stoning.

  • Anonymous
    July 6, 2008 9:20 a.m.

    You are wrong. Not all do what you are saying. I was 17 when I got pregnant with my child. I was married and he left. My child made the better person in me. We met and married a wonderful man who was a wonderful father. I did not rely on anyone but myself to raise and support my child. My child now has a wonderful marriage and a beautiful child. So You need to rethink what you say it does not apply to everyone.