New book 'a recipe' on how to be an LDS woman

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  • ClarkHippo Tooele, UT
    Aug. 23, 2011 8:45 a.m.

    @LValfre 8:14

    Actually, I was referring more to the endless use of filthy language on these websites, as well as the numerous offensive pictures such as people mocking sacred LDS temple clothes. One popular website critical of the LDS Church even has a page in which Primary songs are re-written in th most vulgar tone possible.

    If the LDS Church is so blatantly false, why use such language and images except to play on people emotions?

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    Aug. 23, 2011 8:14 a.m.


    "On top of this, I have yet to come across a website, critical of the LDS Church, which did not in its language or images use some kind of emotional manipulation. "

    Yes usually the ex-members giving their emotional story of how they found it was false and how hard and emotional it was for them to leave.

  • ClarkHippo Tooele, UT
    Aug. 23, 2011 12:27 a.m.

    @LValfre 3:11

    You said - "Feelings and emotions are the opposite of logic."

    I'll remember that next time someone hands me a pamphlet entitled something like, "What the Mormon cult won't tell you," or "Mormon temples and the satanic parallels."

    Titles clearly intended to play upon people's emotions.

    When LDS critics accuse Latter-day Saints on relying too much on feelings or emotions, I can't but think of a TV movie I once saw on one of these Christian stations in which a girl who is not Christian dies and is sent to, well you can guess where. She is then subjected to all kinds of torture and misuse.

    The movie did not inspire me in anyway to want to become a Christian, because the intent of the film was to clearly impose manipulated fear into it's viewers.

    On top of this, I have yet to come across a website, critical of the LDS Church, which did not in its language or images use some kind of emotional manipulation.

  • sue1951 MAY, TX
    Aug. 22, 2011 10:32 p.m.

    I guess I should have read all the comments. Jane66, I bet you could write a great book on history about our ancestors. I think we all can. I also believe that this little book can uplift our sisters and brethran. I live in a Branch with about 20 adult women. we are small, but we love each other. but there is still bit of clicks and people we can't get close too. It's their loss. You should be in a small branch to appreciate what you have and what your children do without. Just enjoy this little book that the church is spending a fortune for us to read. I think it is great.

  • sue1951 MAY, TX
    Aug. 22, 2011 10:13 p.m.

    You know, I have been a member since 1985 and I have never felt i was quilted because of written words. I have always felt uplifted. I live in the mission field, right in the middle of Texas (now that is hard) I can hardly wait to read it and get copies for my daughters and daughter in law. they are all inactive and it makes me sad. but maybe this book will lift them up.

    Aug. 22, 2011 9:02 p.m.

    Wow! It is amazing to me how something meant to be seen as a loving gift can bring about so much negativity. It is sad really. I personally can't wait to get my copy. I will also be purchasing a hardbound copy for the family library. A heart felt "Thank you!" goes out to those who were a part of compiling this book.

  • LDSimmunologist Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 22, 2011 8:48 p.m.

    I hope in this book there is a place to LDS Woman like me, who love learning and working, who has no desire of being a mother or stay at home wife. The culture of the church sometimes makes us feel like we are of less value or like we are wrong and we should be like other sisters that have 6 kids and apparently have the perfect Mormon family. I admire women that sacrifice everything raising a family, but i just don't have that desire. I want to give my life to my husband and my career...

  • Grace Bakersfield, CA
    Aug. 22, 2011 3:47 p.m.

    I am 7th generation LDS, born and raised Mormon for the first 35 years of my life, and my "credentials", contacts and experiences are what you would expect from a child of priveleged church parentage. You would know my family if I just mentioned the books they've authored, the BYU classes they've proffed, or the missionfields they've presided over... And I never felt better or more important than any human, LDS or non. I was raised not to flash pedigree or privelege, but to remain humble while striving for all that God had blessed me with. My family is not perfect because we are human; we have our snooty to our rebels, but we do love each other and still travel far for reunions.

    I can see and relate to all sides of this equation as expressed here and I appreciate each opinion's honesty. I bristle at the snobbery and silly "anti-LDS" whiners. That is what is wrong with any church, family or person, in my oponion: when they stiffle expression and refuse introspection.

    I have been an evangelical Christian for the past 25 years and I know that everyone needs Jesus, His love and power of life.

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    Aug. 22, 2011 3:11 p.m.

    @A Guy With A Brain,

    1. You're telling me a spirit of god converts a young kid who grows up in the LDS church and is indoctrinated from birth on? I don't think so. His parents, church life, and society did that to him.

    2. So you won't accept mentally handicapped or someone who has had a traumatic experience and lost some portion of his cranium?

    When you pray and ask if it's true and wait to feel the 'burning in your bosom' .. that's not using your brain. It's using feelings. Feelings and emotions are the opposite of logic.

  • jane 66 ALAMEDA, CA
    Aug. 22, 2011 2:10 p.m.

    I have been looking forward to this book since it was announced last year in the General Relief Society meeting. I am somewhat disappointd to hear that it was written by Susan Tanner, who I'm sure is a wonderful person, but not a qualified historian. There are many highly educated and well qualified LDS women scholars who could have made this a true history of LDS women - we have a fascinating past full of strong women. LDS women today could gain strength from studying them, and recognize their own importance to the church. Without women, there is no church and women today continue to do a major part of the work of the church. Also, this is NOT the first authorized history of LDS women - see History of the Relief Society: 1842-1966, published by the General Board of the Relief Society, 1967. There are probably others too. For a scholarly treatment of LDS women, see Women of Covenant: The Story of Relief Society. Why isn't this a manual? To me, that seems to give it second class status.

  • A Guy With A Brain Enid, OK
    Aug. 22, 2011 1:46 p.m.

    @ LValfre | 12:47 p.m. Aug. 22, 2011......

    Hey, LValfre, you're right on two counts, actually.

    First, the "church" can't convert anyone. The Spirit of God does.

    Second, we're not interested in anyone who only has half a brain. We accept only those who use ALL of their brain.


  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    Aug. 22, 2011 12:47 p.m.

    "LDS women "recipe?" How patronizing. Why not just say barefoot, pregnant and submissive? "

    Yeah tell me about it. Don't forget to bare as many LDS babies as possible. They need the members, can't convert anyone stateside anymore that has half a brain (the logic side).

  • Mandie29 EDGEWOOD, NM
    Aug. 22, 2011 12:07 p.m.

    I have felt that guilt and discouragement myself, but have learned to not compare myself to others - and I know that Heavenly Father loves me for doing the best I can.

    I consider myself outside the "mainstream" of the "Molly Mormon" ideal. I was a vegetarian while living with 5 roommates at BYU... something of a free spirit back in the 70's. I was a spur of the moment kind of mom with my kids, and the house was often cluttered. I had to work outside the home while some of my children were young.

    I have learned that my feelings of guilt or inadequacy arise from myself when I perceive the sisters around me as being "perfect" in some area that I struggle with. Over time I have come to realize that I have strengths and qualities that are unique and valuable... though different.

    I have also found it so important to do all I can to stay healthy. That makes all the difference in how I feel about myself. The adversary has many tools to discourage us and to lead us astray.

  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Aug. 21, 2011 11:00 p.m.

    SeanetteB -

    The Church is true and IF some of the members of your Stake are indeed cliquish, pay them no mind. Improve what you need to improve in your own life and don't worry about others.

  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Aug. 21, 2011 10:53 p.m.

    What's wrong with Sis. Beck using the word "recipe" in her description of the book?

    - The purpose of any recipe is to create something good and wonderful.

    - Recipes are meant to be dependable: do what the recipe says and you're guaranteed to end up with something wonderful. Is this not what God says?...follow Me and I'll turn you into something wonderful? What's wrong with that?

    - The book absolutely does not tell women how to do 'everything'; the Lord's plan doesn't work except without free-agency and anyone with an ounce of testimony and honesty knows that.

    Seriously, those of you who are complaining over one single word seem to be looking for something to complain over.

    Go, Sister Beck, go!

  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Aug. 21, 2011 10:45 p.m.


    Three: the number of comments it took before someone criticized the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for doing something uplifting and good.

    "Kami", at 8:35AM on August 20th, said this will only make LDS women feel even more guilty than they (supposedly) already do.

    So, Kami, should Jesus have not set a good example for us because He would make us all feel guilty, too?

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    Aug. 21, 2011 6:18 p.m.

    This is sad. If only they could open their eyes and see there is no mold to fill ... you are a unique individual.

  • SeanetteB Sacramento, California
    Aug. 21, 2011 4:06 p.m.

    I'm just relieved that this is not, as other stories about this book I had seen seemed to be suggesting, the new RS course of study for next year. Aside from my own desire to get back to Teachings of the Presidents, I live in a very cliquey stake, in which those of us who are not of multi-generation pioneer descent are lesser members, Church history discussions turn into "I'm so special because of who I descend from" bragfests leaving those of us of less exalted lineage pointedly excluded from TRUE membership, and if you aren't a lifelong resident of said stake you're an intruder.

    I have an absolute certainty of the truth of the Restored Gospel, I just have difficulty with some aspects of LDS culture.

  • Kami Bountiful, Utah
    Aug. 21, 2011 3:52 p.m.

    @ Rifleman, I know of many sisters who have been pressured by the culture to compete with other sisters in the ward and prepare baked goods for their husbands to deliver when their husbands home teach! This is very prevalent in the church. And if you want to deliver invitations to ward members for something, you sure better be very good at creating invitations on your computer and tie all of them with pretty ribbons, etc. And Christmas time! Heck you better spend days in the kitchen making homemade goodies for every singles ward member! I don't think you realize how much pressure is on the sisters to keep up with the Joneses so to speak. I'm one of the black sheep. I don't buy into any of it. I do what I think is right and I could care less what any outsiders think about it. But not that many women have that kind of backbone.

  • Kami Bountiful, Utah
    Aug. 21, 2011 3:40 p.m.

    From all the comments, I'd like to clarify something. I don't feel the guilt - because I don't buy into the LDS cultural ideas of being the best baker, the best seamstress, the best wife, the best mother, the best scrapbooker, having the most beautifully kept home, the best this and that and of course finding a way to do all of that and having the children clean and scrubbed when husband/dad gets home from work. But many many sisters in the church are pressured into feeling this way. You want to know why prescription drug use in Utah is among the highest rates in the country? Take a gook look at the culturally imposed guilt. Its terrible.

  • ke7ejx REDMOND, OR
    Aug. 21, 2011 3:19 p.m.

    I can't wait to get my hands on this book. I really enjoyed "My Dear Sisters" that was published shortly after President Hinckley's passing. It made me a better sister of Christ and I read it whenever I need inspiration. I am always excited to have another inspirational book in my collection that I can identify with.

  • tobeone FARMINGTON, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 1:16 p.m.

    Like others, I was put off by the DN headline, but was happy to see that the cookie-cutter recipe concept is not even mentioned on the church website. There is a five minute video interview with Julie Beck, and a lengthy article, but the word recipe is not in either that I could see. Instead of a single recipe, we look forward to reading a smorgasboard of stories of women of faith, hope and love throughout the world who are striving to be their best selves in the mortal journey as daughters of divine parents. May we have compassion for each other, including Sister Beck, trusting honest good intentions, and seek to ever be "one."

  • Vanka Provo, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 12:46 p.m.

    I have seen the gossiping in the church destroy lifelong relationships, devastate otherwise competent, intelligent women, and turn healthy young women into dependent, patriarchally dominated shells, all because of this tacit idea that there is A "recipe" for being a righteous LDS woman. I have read the comments that say there is no such thing, but those comments do not ring true to real experience. I have seen women with full-time jobs criticized and condemned behind their backs as being less valiant and righteous because of their employment. I have seen women who exercise regularly and take care of themselves criticized as being too worldly and openly accused of "flirting" with other women's husbands. I have seen a regular stream of gossip spilling forth from the visiting teaching program, whereby women enter the homes of their fellow sisters and glean fodder for their gossip sessions, either held during "walking" in the mornings or evenings, or during RS Presidency and auxiliary meetings. Books like this one only feed the flames that are consuming the fellowship and sisterhood that should exist in the church. It provides a blunt weapon with which individuals beat one another (and themselves) up.

  • Rifleman Salt Lake City, Utah
    Aug. 21, 2011 12:32 p.m.

    Re: Jess758 | 7:16 p.m. Aug. 20, 2011
    "From being told that if we don't go out of our way to bake the world's best cookies every time we go visiting teaching ....we're failing our sisters"

    I don't know of any visiting teachers who have ever taken cookies to their 'sisters'. Could it be possible that you are hypersensitive and looking for reasons to justify your anti-LDS bias?

  • Furry1993 Clearfield, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 11:01 a.m.

    I have been an LDS woman for 40+ years, and this book has no interest for me. Why? Because I've been subjected to the "recipe" mindset for a lot of them, by both the men and women of the church. There was the Elders Quorum President who asked my husband how he could "let" me go to law school. And the criticism I got from a Relief Society President when I insisted on saying "men and women" instead of just "men" in comments. And the Stake President who debated whether to sign my temple recommend because, when asked, I told him that my husband and I make all family decisions jointly and that we, jointly, are the head of our family (he wanted me to say that I let my husband control everything, but that would have been a lie). And there are many more examples, too many for my word limit here.

    I stay faithful in the LDS Church because I knew, and know, that the Gospel is true. I stay faithful in the LDS Church because I recognize that a lot of the people aren't, and I just ignore them and what they have to say.

  • dailynews Augusta, GA
    Aug. 21, 2011 9:21 a.m.

    I echo O'Really comments. Competition is rampant among women. We as LDS women should be above it. We don't have time for such petty and unimportant things. I live far away from family and have to rely on my ward for most of my social and emotional support. Many of us have husbands deployed or are in school and are gone for long periods of time. I need my fellow sisters for support and the last thing I would do is compare one to another - they all are unique and come from a wide range of backgrounds which I think this book will represent....the face of the LDS woman. The LDS woman comes in many different colors, backgrounds and cultures and yet we are the same. Thinking of the title with the word "recipe" - my own recipe box has dishes from Italy, Mexico, China, America, Spain, etc.....and each dish loved and enjoyed by others....I look forward to reading and learning about my fellow sisters.

  • ipr Spanish Fork, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 8:58 a.m.

    Women have a tendency to feel guilty. I went to a non-LDS university when my last child started kindergarten. I eventually got my doctorate in physics at the age of 50. Whenever I got a B on an exam, I would kick myself and told myself I was stupid. If I got an A, I would tell myself that the professor was feeling sorry for me. I was never good enough. After attending the annual meeting for female professors and students in the department, I found out that most women, including the professors, had the same feelings. It's just a female thing. It's not the fault of the school, it's not the fault of the church, it's just something we are born with. Isn't it nice that we get help from the church in outgrowing these feelings? I am certainly looking forward to reading this book, and it doesn't bother me one bit that there are recipes in there that will help me grow. I'm still not to old to learn.

  • Cinci Man FT MITCHELL, KY
    Aug. 21, 2011 8:28 a.m.

    I think the book is a wonderful idea and my wife and I look forward to it. We love to read inspiring stories. We find so much happiness in the church, and we each have a testimony that every good deed is a service to others. We are grateful for the hundreds of saints who serve us personally and our ever-growing family. Every good thing we do for each other is a portion of God's work to bless His children and to sprinle them with kindness and love. The widow's mite matters. Every phone call or visit from one sister to another can bring a blessing to the life of another. If the book does nothing more that bring warmth and a smile, even a whisper of hope to the hearts of many sisters, I rejoice in its goodness. Even THIS gesture, large or small, matters. Peace and joy to all!

  • carman Wasatch Front, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 8:15 a.m.

    To Jess758:

    I've been going to wards and branches in the church for nearly 50 years and have never heard anything remotely close to what you have supposedly heard. Mind you, I have heard some crazy stuff. But when I do hear it, I ignore it as misguided statements from imperfect people. IMHO, you are either exaggerating, projecting your own thoughts and feelings into the mouths of other, or simply failing to use common sense in ignoring statements that are obviously misguided. Either way, cheer up and don't put so much pressure on yourself.

  • Curmudgeon Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 21, 2011 7:40 a.m.

    The Church leaders go out of their way to build women's self esteem. There's usually at least one talk in every general conference devoted to it (e.g. Elder Cook's talk "Women are Incredible!" in April 2011), and now this book is one more effort. Obviously, the brethren must perceive that women have low self esteem, or are suffering under a burden of unrealistically high expectations, and are seeking to address that issue.

    One side effect of these efforts may be that men will be persuaded that women are by nature more spiritual, more righteous, more worthy of uplifting approbation from the leaders of the Church, and by implication, from God. By extolling women so much, the leaders are sending a subtle, implied message that men are less spiritual, less righteous, and more in need of chastisement than encouragement.

    My question is, why doesn't the Church publish similar books and make similar positive, encouraging statements about men? Are men really that bad? Do they not feel guilt and inadequacy too? Just asking.

  • O'really Idaho Falls, ID
    Aug. 20, 2011 11:06 p.m.

    To Jess758 I don't know what ward you go to but honestly I've never heard those things you mentioned within the walls of any church I've gone to. All I've heard is love your visiting teachees with a Christlike love. Watch out for them, pray for them, help them. It has nothing to do with cookies of any kind.

    And Gap model kids? Where in the scriptures does it tell us that? Kids should get a bath now and then and it's always a good idea to comb their hair (and look for lice while we're at it) but I always learned at church that we should mostly just love our kids and teach them the Gospel.

    If you're hearing those things in your ward, it's not coming from the scriptures or the lesson manuals. It's most likely coming from your own mind as you see the competition that is so common to women. It's not just a Mormon thing either. Get any group of 3 or more women together and they start comparing themselves to each other. It's the nature of women. Too bad we do this to each other. The Lord loves us- burned cookies and all.

  • Rob Logan, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 10:52 p.m.

    I am very excited to get his book. I think I will find things in there that make me feel 'normal' and will inspire me.

  • DistantThunder Vincentown, NJ
    Aug. 20, 2011 8:16 p.m.

    Guilt could be the beginning of a growth process, the recognition of what and where I am today, and where I want to be in the future. But maybe guilt is the wrong word - do we expect our children to feel guilty for studying arithmetic, when they know an older sibling is studying algebra? I hope not. Maybe some will feel envy or discouragement at what other women are able to accomplish. The only way to prevent this for some people is to keep them ignorant of the possiblities - but that's not fair to those who want to achieve more.

    So maybe reading the book, and the stories of the lives of other LDS women will create a yearning to try something new, learn a different way, or a new skill. Some perceive this as an unpleasant external pressure but many will be excited at the new thoughts and ideas. Remember, we are an international church and not everyone has been exposed to what we've been exposed to here in the US. If you think the book will make you feel poorly about yourself, don't read it - find a good counselor - and ask her to help you find out why

    Aug. 20, 2011 7:25 p.m.

    Probably a good book, but just a terrible title. Women and men feel guilt and insecurity because the church isn't an environment that encourages people to openly discuss their struggles. People talk about how they struggle with fhe or other small things at church not the major serious issues. I feel that it would be hard to open up and talk about real issues when nobody else does. Church isn't AA but I think the guilt and pressure would ease if everyone quit acting like they don't struggle and maybe address some of the more serious and prevalent struggles many members have.

  • Quayle Dallas, TX
    Aug. 20, 2011 7:17 p.m.

    Until the women in the church (particularly in Utah) decide to play offense, to educate and train themselves, and to INDEPENDENTLY shoulder a responsibility to develop and build the kind of society THEY want - until they do this, they'll continue to be upset by thoughtless local ward and stake leaders, and be insecure or defensive about their standing in the world.

    Zion, the most just, merciful society ever to be on the earth, cannot be built by men alone, nor can it be built from a defensive posture or reactionary efforts. It won't be built by whiners, the silly, the defensive, or the self critical.

    I don't care what weakness or faults a woman might have. If she can build, she should build. If she can unify, she should unify. If she can organize, she should organize. If she can nurture and heal, she should nurture and heal. If she can only weep for the world, she should weep well for us all.

    'Cause standing around looking at one's own or others' weakness and faults is a suckers game that Satan plays perfectly in this church.

    Let's build a society so perfect that God will have to forgive us.

  • Jess758 PROVO, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 7:16 p.m.

    "Where is this guilty or the church expecting to much from the women in the church coming from?"

    From being told that if we don't go out of our way to bake the world's best cookies every time we go visiting teaching, we might as well not be visiting teaching at all because we're failing our sisters. From spreading the idea that if our children don't look like squeaky clean GapKids models, we aren't taking church seriously enough. By teaching that if any woman has a career outside of raising a family, she isn't living up to her full potential That is where it is coming from... Right within the walls of the church.

  • Grace Bakersfield, CA
    Aug. 20, 2011 6:25 p.m.

    I just strive to be a follower of Jesus Christ and that takes care of everything.
    Then you'll love your husband, children and family with pure love and don't need a latter-day distinction:
    From Christ's life forward all who He calls are called to His standard. When we fail, we go to Him for support and restoration.

    Then no one here would be commenting off of other comments, they'd be focusing on His light and example. I did the perfect church woman thing for 35 years and it was a grind. When I finally realized that Jesus said, "It is finished" because He did all the work, then I could 'rest in His love and finished work'. What a joy the believer's life became then!

  • Sarah B SLC, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 4:56 p.m.

    I think the guilt that comes from women in the church is self generated. It is especially bad in Utah. I've had friends who stressed over the silliest things, like ironing their 5 year olds t-shirts, for fear their neighbors would judge and condemn them. If you live outside of Utah, you'll find for the most part the guilt isn't there. Sisters just love and cherish each other for who they are. Probably b/c they are the minority elsewhere and don't take each other for granted.

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 4:03 p.m.

    jill17, My intention was not to chastise her in anyway, as I stated that I meant 'no offense'. I only mean that the logic that 'guilt is automatically bad' is flawed. I realize that 'flawed' can seem negative, but I don't mean anything rude at all. Perhaps I should have worded it in a friendlier manner, but I didn't mean anything negative.

    But anyway, trust me when I say that I absolutely do not believe I am in higher standing in anyway. I usually believe myself to play the least important role possible. Only recently after reading an article about an alcoholic member of the church (on the DN, from a staff-member who is the grandson of the man in the article, if that helps at all), only after reading this did I realize the importance of knowing that everyone is truly 'needed' for the work. I think that article drives the point well and I believe that this book relates to this.

    With that in mind, my only intention is to support a line of logic where the book helping in this regard, to help women know their loved and needed, etc.

    Sorry it came off wrong.

  • Millsap fan Taylorsville, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 3:59 p.m.

    I think many women will be suprsised with this book and I think we've taken Sister Dibbs words a little too literally. I think a book like this with different experiences of LDS throughout the world and history is simply motivational, not degrading. Every woman is different, every woman unique. My wife isn't an expreriened cook and that isn't going to keep her from entering the Celestial Kingdom. I guess being a guy I don't understand the expectations tht may sometimes be falsely placed on women but I know that Christ understands what you go through and will judge you compassionately, more so than men I believe. So just relax and enjoy the book. :)

  • Jeanie b. Orem, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    My mother's generation felt tremendous guilt if they were not what THEY believed to be the "perfect LDS woman" - striving for the impossible. (Remember Mother's Days? Whew!) In my generation it was "you can't say anything that would harm my precious self-esteem" - so essentially "give me no guidelines or correction".

    Some of my favorite books are on early Utah history, not through the eyes of the LDS church, but rather through the eyes of historians and recorded eye-witnesses. Being LDS, it has been fascinating to me to see just how people lived, what kinds of decisions they made and why. In reading history it has helped me see patterns in life in general and separate out what is cultural LDS expectations and what is enduring doctrine.

    To understand the history of LDS women will be rather eye opening. I appreciated how the article stated that it will help clarify and give direction to LDS women who live now.

    No guilt needed. Possibly a poor choice in the word "recipe", but no need to get our dander up either.

  • IngridUsa lehi, ut
    Aug. 20, 2011 3:00 p.m.

    Where is this guilty or the church expecting to much from the women in the church coming from?
    It's expected every Sons and Daughters of Our Heavenly Father to try to keep the commandments, not just the women.
    Why this book would make some women feel guilty? If I read something that I'm not doing it, but I feel that is a good advice, I will do it then, but I won't feel guilty for not doing that before, unless I already know that I'm failing in something that I know that I'm supposed to do, it doesn't have anything to do with the church telling me that I'm guilty, but my own feelings knowing that. If I can read a book that can helps me to be the best I can be, why should I feel any pressure about it? It's helping me to be the best I can, this is a great blessing, I don't want to go down, I want to keep going up.

  • jill17 Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 2:31 p.m.

    @A voice of reason: as reasonable as you often are, to tell kami to reconsider her views is a bit much. Go ahead and say what you will about guilt and religion--sure, but you don't know where this woman is coming from. For all you know, she's likely a better standing member than yourself, who, like most women in the church, holds onto unnecessary guilt because of not looking right, or not being the best mother EVER, or not being the most perfect visiting teacher. Not all guilt is right, and guilt is not from God. Often, satan uses guilt on the most righteous members, making them feel poorly about themselves, instead of feeling Gods love. You've got this all wrong chastising her the way you are. She is a lovely daughter of god who is sick of feeling the pressures to be perfect because of members like yourself who don't give her a break. And this has nothing to do with the contents of the said book. This has to do with what many are agreeing on: "a recipe on how to be" is just not the most appealing to women who already try so hard.

  • IngridUsa lehi, ut
    Aug. 20, 2011 2:30 p.m.

    Wow, another great book is coming to help me to be a better wife, better mother, better daughter, better woman, why should I complain about it? The better I can be, the happier I am :).

  • 4scoutmom Tomball, Tx
    Aug. 20, 2011 1:05 p.m.

    According to the quote from Sis. Beck. It is a "recipe book" not a single recipe. I know I have many different recipes on how to make chocolate chip cookies for instance. I suggest we all wait and read this new book with an open mind before we judge the content. I am looking forward to it.

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 12:53 p.m.


    I wondered about the same 'cookie cutter' bit as well at first glance to the headline, but after reading the article I can assure you that it is not the case.

    "The 208-page book is not a comprehensive history of the church, nor is it an LDS manual. It is intended as a personal and family resource to support women and strengthen them in their responsibilities"

    It isn't a manual that says "in this situation, do this... in that one, do that"

    It is a collection of real examples of good women in the church. Everyone interprets things differently and people will reflect differently on their own experiences. The Church does not teach cookie-cutter conformity on how we should act in this life. Our moral system maybe have a definite right and wrong but that doesn't mean we have no individuality. We believe in free agency which is not a belief of conformity. Study the War in Heaven and you should understand that. I may agree with someone completely on morality, but I still make different choices in life. Not all Mormons agree on everything, just share the work. Hopefully that helps.

    And Maryquilter, thanks!

  • formerUT Osawatomie, KS
    Aug. 20, 2011 12:51 p.m.

    What is the point of distributing this to just the women? If changes are going to happen, and education, in the Church--this needs to go to the men as well as the women!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh--and I don't need a "recipe" thank you....the Lord has taught me how and whom to be!

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 12:40 p.m.


    I don't mean to offend you, but your statement can only be founded on flawed logic and I'll ask you to reconsider your views. Your statement is based on the idea that rules create unnecessary and harmful guilt.

    1- not all guilt is bad. Should a murderer feel guilty? I would hate living in a world where all crime was guilt free. I can assure you, things would be far worse. This book is obviously not addressing murder, etc. But the concept is still the same, guilt isn't automatically bad. It's how people use guilt, which is my second point.

    2- We are not a Kantian ethic based religion (like the catholic church and others) where things are absolute 'sinner' or 'perfect'. There is certainly black and white in what is right and wrong. But the key is our approach; it is similar to virtue ethics, where we climb a latter. We can fall down, but no words, whether guilt or praise, are designed to keep you at the bottom. The entire work of this church is not designed to keep people down on the latter but to bring people up, eventually back to our heavenly father.

  • SLCWatch Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 10:23 a.m.

    I agree without reading the book that many could misunderstand the "recipe" reference.
    However with that said, highlighting the wonderful role women play in the church and their wonderful contributions to the church, their Divine role in eternity and the positives they bring to life can be a wonderful blessing.
    My wife is my partner and best friend. Her contributions to our marriage make me better and I help her in this wonderful partnership. I'm not perfect and neither is she. But we are better together than apart.
    I look forward to reading this book with my companion so we can use it's valuable insights to make our lives together better.
    The cost to give this resource to every woman is staggering. The Lord loves the sisters very much (priceless) and this is only a small token to every woman about their worth to all of us.

  • DistantThunder Vincentown, NJ
    Aug. 20, 2011 10:21 a.m.

    Ouch, gives the impression of "cookie cutter" production of a single recipe we must follow - and I know that isn't true. They may have to rethink this. How about a smorgasbord of creativity and love?

  • jill17 Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 9:47 a.m.

    As an lds woman and returned missionary, I am looking forward to the book, and agree with what sister beck said its purspose will be, but I have to empathize and agree with kami on that terrible line choosen: "a recipe on how to be an lds women". This is terrible PR and rather demeaning. First off: to cleverly use the word recipe, which is a word that would never be used for a book given to priesthood holders. For the same reason we changed "homemaking night" to "enrichment night" there could have been a much better word chosen than recipe, that could relate to all women. Secondly: I don't want to be taught how to be an lds woman. I am an lds woman, and I feel like a rather happy, good one. So now there's a "recipe" I must follow? To clarify one last time, I am looking forward to the book, ad don't think its real purpose is to give us a "recipe" on how we must live, but with a line like that, expect more posters like kami. I concur it is a turn off and rather unappealing and out of touch.

  • Open Mind Taylorsville, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 9:15 a.m.

    Kami, I'm so sorry you feel that the expectations of women are too high in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. But Heavenly Father expects the best of you and me and every one of his children. He knows we're far from perfect and all he asks is that we try. He'll always love you for who you are but like every good parent he wants you to be the best you and nobody else. I'm excited for this book, I think it will inspire women and motivate them to keep pushing through adversity.

  • Jeanie b. Orem, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 9:13 a.m.

    It is possible that after reading this book some of your misconceptions about what it means to be an LDS woman will be laid to rest.

    From the article:
    She (Sister Beck) added that the history "addresses some of the insecurities and myths" many LDS women have felt about themselves and their religion."

    The definition of Latter-day Saint woman is likely broader than you believe.

  • Kami Bountiful, Utah
    Aug. 20, 2011 8:35 a.m.

    The first authorized account of women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, titled "Daughters in my Kingdom: The History and Work of Relief Society," is more than just a written history. It is "a recipe book for how to be a Latter-day Saint woman," said Sister Julie B. Beck, Relief Society general president.

    Another way for women in the church to feel guilt -- cause most of them won't live up to the expectations in this book. I can hardly wait to get my copy.

  • Maryquilter Farmington, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 8:17 a.m.

    Voice of Reason: As usual, great comments that I concur with.

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    Aug. 20, 2011 2:16 a.m.

    I'm not a woman, but this is certainly very exciting. This book will surely be an invaluable resource for women in the church.

    With their stating that it isn't a manual, but more 'stories to uplift and help', I imagine that some may feel inclined to brush this off as a 'mere' addition. However I believe that first, any good addition to a good work cannot be discounted; second, I believe this book is absolutely needed. I believe this as otherwise it wouldn't be published.

    I believe this book will help members of the church to better themselves and help each other. Women are absolutely essential to the work and this book stands only to prove the need we have of them.


    We see so many attempts to diminish the role, even the need that everyone plays in doing good work. Mothers roles, Fathers roles, siblings, church callings, and any other 'assignment' is often viewed as a burden when it is really a place where we are all needed. People are called because they are needed for the work, to help others. This book will help uplift women and help them to understand that they are loved and needed.