New initiative sheds light on pornography's impact on families

DMC launches 'Out in the Light: women uniting against pornography'

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  • Marduk Logan, UT
    Sept. 21, 2010 3:42 p.m.

    What a fascinating debate! While personally I have a hard time with the exploitation of women that accompanies the porn industry, I can also (by experience in my current, very happy relationship with a wonderful man) see how small amounts of porn can liven up intimacy in marriage when shared together in a spirit of wanting to increase the mutual pleasure.

    The key word is mutually. Perhaps the reason that so many women lose interest in intimacy is because their partner has no idea how to make it extremely enjoyable for the woman. It becomes then, a chore, something to keep the MAN happy. This is not right, and too often a consequence of men viewing pornography- they see women as only being the object of MEN's pleasure.

    Rather, an open and honest dialogue about wanting to find ways to make the shared experience better for BOTH partners can accompany a very small amount of porn, usually viewed together. If BOTH partners are satisfied, they won't find it necessary to look outside the relationship, but rather for ways to enhance what exists between the two of them.

  • Terence L. Day Pullman, WA
    Sept. 21, 2010 12:51 p.m.

    Serious problems are associated with pornography, which can be very damaging. I only hope that the Deseret News' Out in the Light campaign will shed more light than darkness on the subject. Time will tell.

  • Kevin Surrey, BC
    Sept. 21, 2010 12:24 p.m.

    Porn in any form is offensive to God and the Spirit. The prophets have said so many times to stay completely away from. There is no justification for ever getting involved with it. Free agency is a wonderful thing and those who choose to be involved in porn in any way will see the consequences in this life and the life to come. My advice.. follow the prophets!!

  • bye bye butterfly Murray, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 5:40 p.m.

    @ Joggle

    Thank you for your response. Of course adults make their own choices. If they're abiding by laws, they have the right to make those decisions whether or not their neighbors agree with them morally.

    I'm cautious, though, about people who may "give it a try" when they don't really want too at their partner's insistence.

    I have one girlfriend who did that and it wasn't a pleasant experience. If she'd stood firm on what she was comfortable with, it would have saved her from some regrets.

  • Trevor G. Layton, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 5:04 p.m.

    This story was informative on some levels, but it focused on the spouse's struggle rather than the addict's. Most religious addicts I know who struggle with this desperately want to wipe it out of their lives. But as with all addictions, there is a craving for it that at times seems uncontrollable.

    It's not as if everyone who views pornography is seeking to justify their actions all the time and need to have it bashed into their heads that what they are doing is wrong. On the contrary, many addicts are aware of the harm they are causing themselves and others, and are praying daily and going to recovery meetings trying to be free. Guilt-tripping an addict is not an effective way to combat this.

  • Jiggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 5:01 p.m.

    @Californian#[email protected]

    Research has shown that in countries where pornography is banned, rates of sexual assualt against women are high and women's rights are virtually non-existent.

    First of all, pornography does not make everyone view women as sexual objects. Women are not forced to be in pornography and they are paid for what they do. It is a job for them. The actors and actresses are being paid and have most likely been made aware of what will happen and therefore have given their consent. They, for the most part, probably don't feel they are being degraded. Without the availability of women (and men) who were willing to produce this kind of material the pornography industry would come to a screeching halt, but obviously it hasn't.

    I, personally do not approve of or like ALL forms of pornography and think some is degrading, but I support First Amendment rights and the right of women to voluntarily find employment in the porn industry.

    You should take note that not everybody believes the same as you and your in that does not apply and cannot be used as a justification.

  • Californian#[email protected] San Francisco, CA
    Sept. 20, 2010 3:45 p.m.

    Re: Jiggle 12:28 "Some people enjoy porn responsibly and others abuse it....I fully understand both the good and the bad of pornography. "

    ...and others who see no problem with porn as long as it's "used responsibly," whatever that means. It's fun or a turn-on for some folks, it spices up their relationship, blah blah blah.

    Here is what porn actually is. It is humans selling their bodies for profit. Another word for that is prostitution. It is men, women, even children having one of the most precious gifts God has given us exposed to leering, drooling, and catcalling (and worse) by countless strangers. It is people abusing the power of procreation by making it a public spectacle. Some "performers" choose this occupation; others are exploited by profiteers who draft young people into the business and are just as much pimps as those who manage stables of hookers.

    In a few words, porn is the degradation of human beings.

    Do you really want to use the degradation of human beings as an "aphrodisiac"?

  • Thomas Jefferson Cottonwood Heights, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 12:50 p.m.

    So because a few people get addicted we should all suffer? Perhaps the addicts should take responsibility for their actions and quit pretending that porn is their problem when it is obvious that their problems are far deeper.

    We always hear that 'freedom isnt free', but many never stop to think that one of the costs of freedom is that people will sometimes make bad choices and some will become addicted. Big deal, thats their problem.

  • Jiggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 12:28 p.m.

    To Bye Bye Butterfly from Joggle:

    Some people enjoy porn responsibly and others abuse it. Some people become addicted to it and others don't. Should it be banned for all just because some people are offended or have problems with it in THEIR relationship? Wouldn't it take away our right to choose for ourselves if it was made illegal? It's not's all bad or all good issue. It can be both harmful as well as beneficial depending on how you use it.

    YOU ASK: Was the person's spouse really as enthusiastic about the pornography, or was the wife going along with it to please her husband?

    People here are ASSUMING I'm a male because I defend pornography to the extent that I do. I fully understand both the good and the bad of pornography. I, personally, as a woman, do not go along with anything just to please my husband. I would not do ANYTHING if I didn't like or enjoy it. I enjoy pornography sometimes with my husband as part of our relationship, but it is by no means a central focus or an addiction.

  • ConflictedCougarUte San Diego, CA
    Sept. 20, 2010 11:01 a.m.

    @Neanderthal: And even if it were not in the Bible, so what? A living Prophet has warned us against the evils of pornography more than once. Remember Amaziah in the Book of Amos in the Bible? It does not go well with people who tell the Prophet, "Don't preach here. Go preach somewhere else."

    All of the stories shared here of those who have been addicted, and have recovered, are wonderful. It is a testament to the healing power of the Atonement of the Savior. Pornography is a grand lie, and as all lies fail eventually, so will pornography. I believe we are witnessing the beginning of the end of pornography being seen as an acceptable sexual outlet. Those who will continue to defend it will find themselves buried by mountains of evidence that it is indefensible.

  • jack robinson Provo, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 11:00 a.m.

    The "negative" forces in this world are working overtime to convince us in suttle and often blatant ways that pronograpghy is ok.
    These distortions falsify the true meaning of love and its expression.

    These same forces also know their efforts to exploite the human body for evil purposes can and do create hard hitting additions. Recently, a family counselor attended a conference and the following advice was given; "stay away" and "don't even" go to pronograpghy sites...because they can become highly addictive...even with only one initial viewing. The images are implanted in our mind and they are difficult to erase.

  • truecougar Lehi, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 7:13 a.m.

    @Neanderthal: Please don't say it's not in the bible. For your reference see Matthew 5:28 or Romans 1:26-29 among other plain statements.

  • Hunam Layton, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 6:57 a.m.

    For many pornography starts out as a "more exciting" form of entertainment. It's edginess and "naughtiness" holds appeal because it allows the individual to choose to inject evil in a "controled" setting into their life. They feel "dirty", and there's a spike in one's adrenaline that one can control evil.

    It's all a big selfdelusion.

    This need for control comes from a lack of faith and purpose in life. It is easy to be detatched from purpose with the stories we ingest in even the most banal forms of entertainment today. We view stories of reprobates who save the planet, and over time their sins are okay, because they saved the world.

    Why isn't our life as exciting? Our children lose their confidence in us. Our spouses don't understand us. Our bosses are tyrants. Our debts unsurmountable. Our circumstances dismal. Our world politics do-or-die dangerous. Our potential undervalued. We matter so little. Poor us.

    So we reach for something we can control, all the while not recognizing how it reinforces everything we hate about us.

    Never recognizing, we're God's beloved children of infinite value and "control" is an illusion.

  • Steven S Jarvis Orem, UT
    Sept. 20, 2010 6:07 a.m.

    Is porn the CAUSE of the divorce or is it the EFFECT because the couple struggles? I don't think that has been adequately discussed. The article only focuses on men's addiction. I once dumped a girl who was addicted to this garbage though that wasn't the sole reason for dumping her. Women can get stuck just as easy as men can, perhaps even more considering how they always want to compare things. While I doubt porn killed these people's marriagages it certainly was a factor and should be avoided.

  • FreeAtLast Ogden, Utah
    Sept. 20, 2010 12:12 a.m.

    I am a recovering sex addict and can attest to the harm and damage a pornography addiction can do to a family, a spouse, and especially to the addict himself/herself. My addiction began when I was very young and persisted into my adult years. I thought marriage would solve all of my problems, but it only made matters worse. I used lies to cover up the addiction, not because I wanted to get away with it, but because I couldn't stand to hurt my wife. The marriage eventually ended and I found myself disfellowshiped, divorced, and still addicted. Even with all of the terrible consequences I still could not stop. I decided to continue with the recovery work I had commenced during the marriage. I began therapy again, 12 step work, and I discovered amazing books such as Healing the Shame that Binds You and Don't Call it Love. After approximately six years of recovery work I am experiencing freedom from the compulsion I had never thought could be attainable. I am happily remarried, in full fellowship, actively serving, and succeeding in my career. If you will never give up, freedom is possible.

  • Neanderthal Phoenix, AZ
    Sept. 19, 2010 10:42 p.m.

    Porn is addictive. As is Sex. If it were not so, the human race would have vanished long ago.

    Porn is considered bad only because those who purport to be the deciders of what is good and bad have decided it's bad. If they hadn't made that call it wouldn't be bad. Therein lies the root of the cause of porn destructiveness.

    There is nothing in the Bible that addresses the issue of porn.

    Too much porn and it becomes blase over time.

  • JSB Sugar City, ID
    Sept. 19, 2010 9:39 p.m.

    Re. Otis. "Moderation in all things" can be so deceptive. Should a person be moderately honest? Moderately trustworthy? Moderately faithful to his spouse? Just participate in a moderate amount of child abuse? Abuse drugs moderately? When it comes to porn, "moderation" is just a convenient excuse. Total abstenence is the very best behavior for the individual and the persons to whom he will inevidibly cause pain.

  • JBrady Murray, Ut
    Sept. 19, 2010 8:57 p.m.

    I hope things work out for them.

    I have to say that picture in front of the window is quite striking. Nicely done.

  • roqson Payson, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 8:39 p.m.

    And blaming religion for demonizing sexuality and therefore pushes men to porn is just so...sophomoric. Lets turn it around: how about the "progressive thinkers" throughout history (you guys aren't the first ones to be free with sex: the worshipers of Ashteroth beat you by about 5000 years) who have admitted they can't live up to a moral code or are above it that have demonized religion for the one and only reason that they don't want to grow up and be an adult. Moral codes were set up by societies and religion for well and good reasons, the foremost was to be civilized, and separate ourselves from the animals.I know that my religion doesn't demonize sexuality, it celebrates it as long as it is within the bounds of marriage. Again, there are tons of studies that show that sex before marriage, especially at a young age, is harmful to the growth and healthy development of youth. The possible explanation of why you see it as "demonizing" is probably because you are so far out in left field, any attempt at control looks like demonization.

  • roqson Payson, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 8:27 p.m.

    There are mountains of eveidence and studies that show porn changes a man's outlook on women; it objectifies them and makes them, in the man's mind, objects for his pleasure. Many studies have found that if engaged in over time, men can only see women as potential sex-toys, and can't interact with them as real persons. STOP with the "porn made my relationship better" stuff: it would only be in the area of sexual acts, not in interpesonal relationships. More studies suggests that viewing porn is more addictive than heroin, as it releases dopamine in the brain, and the individual becomes a dopamine addict. The article mentions that porn addicts are very good at compartmentalizing -- all men are, that's how they are built. Men compartmentalize and are visually excited, women connect everything and are mentally/emotionally excited. Opening up to the spouse does not make the addiction go away; it would be the acceptance by the spouse that addresses that need that allows him to let go of the addiction. Acceptance that you are an addict is one of the first steps toward healing. Not acceptance of porn itself.

  • aceroinox Farmington, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 8:19 p.m.

    All who are here promoting the idea that a little porn is OK, especially if shared with the spouse, are ignoring the other side of this equation. Where do you think porn comes from? Someone has to create it. I think it was CBS that did a series of reports on the incredibly harmful effects on those employed in the porn-creation industry, and tracked the lives of several porn stars. The industry is notoriously unconcerned about the emotional and physical welfare of its workers. They lure youth into the industry with large paychecks and promises of limited nudity, etc, and then cast people off to the side as damaged goods when they are no longer appealing on film. According to this series, STDs are rampant amongst porn workers, as "safe sex" is just not appealing on camera.

    The very nature of pornography, where women in particular are viewed as mere objects, makes it difficult for porn's consumers to recognize or care about the very real human cost occurring on the other side of the camera. So take a step back, think about someone other than yourself, and lets reduce the demand that drives this human tragedy.

  • pat1 Taylorsville, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 7:43 p.m.

    Thanks for the article. I am sad for men and women who either have a problem with pornography or are married to someone who has.

    What I find amazing is that the women's movement was supposed to help women value themselves, but in the last 40 years I believe that women are thought of as sex objects more than ever, and that image is perpetuated through the media.

  • knows from experience Nashville, TN
    Sept. 19, 2010 7:40 p.m.

    I have been living with the disease of pornography addiction for almost 11 years now. My husband learned at a very young age to deal with uncomfortable feelings and stress in his life by medicating with pornography. It was the deepest, darkest secret in his life. The effect this disease has had on my life and the life of my family has been excruciatingly painful.

    We have both been in recovery for pornography addiction and co-addiction for almost 5 years now. To those who are living this in their lives, I want to offer hope. There is life after active pornography addiction. Though we are still living with those effects in our lives, we are in a much better place now both individually and as a couple/family. The road is painful but recovery is possible. Happiness is possible.

  • LKA Tremonton, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 7:24 p.m.

    Agree with truecougar.

  • K Mchenry, IL
    Sept. 19, 2010 7:04 p.m.

    First off these families are saying it was the cause of trouble in their marriage.

    Secondly of course women can be hooked on this, have addictions as well acted out virtually and IRL. But I think men wouldn't be as comfortable going forward with the complaint that their spouse is doing this as part of a series. Don't think those families don't exist.

    If the relationship were healthy why would it be necessary?

  • bye bye butterfly Murray, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 6:46 p.m.

    @ CCB and Jogger

    On forums discussing pornography I've heard people stand in its defense. They've talked about how fun it is and how much they and their partner enjoy it and how others should try it, too.

    I always had a question.

    Was the person's spouse really as enthusiastic about the pornography, or was the wife going along with it to please her husband.

    As studies show that women react very differently to pornography then men do, I think that should be carefully considered.

  • Sarah B Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 6:36 p.m.

    I remember hearing an interview that infamous serial killer Ted Bundy gave just days before he was executed.

    He said his problems all began with pornography. He started with "soft" porn. Soon it wasn't enough and his needs escalated into violent perverted porn. Soon that wasn't enough and he actually needed to act out in person, what he was viewing in his "fantasy" world.

    Don't let ANYONE ever tell you porn is harmless. Bundy didn't set out to be a serial killer. Sadly a number of innocent women lost their lives to this monster created out of pornography viewing.

  • ConflictedCougarUte San Diego, CA
    Sept. 19, 2010 6:26 p.m.

    My wife and I bought into the lie that pornography, if mutually shared, is not necessarily evil. It is just that -- a big, fat lie. Thankfully, we were rescued by a loving and forgiving Father in Heaven. "What's the Big Deal About Pornography" by Dr. Jill Manning does a wonderful job of exposing the lie. I have escaped an addiction that held me captive for 4 decades, destroyed my first marriage, and very nearly landed me in prison. The key to escape? Regular attendance at the temple, and the miracle of a changed heart.

  • Speaks The Truth Murray, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 6:16 p.m.

    I believe many people, at least men, have had issues with this because they look to pornography to compensate for the lack of intimacy in their marriage. Some people's sex lives are horrible and if either or both spouses do not work at keeping that in good shape too, then there can be some real issues. If you are living like a monk and are in a celibate marriage, and your spouse does not want to do anything to fix it, then you either live with it, face divorce, or find some other medium to fill the need. Unfortunately, that is what is happening with so many men I know.

  • washcomom Beaverton, OR
    Sept. 19, 2010 6:04 p.m.

    Pornography = selfishness and self-centeredness, as discussed in round-about terms with those that "allow it" in their marriage.

    Pornography doesn't only effect those that are married and are children of the offender, but also effects the extended family as well, as people are trying to understand why their loved-one is acting so weird, so secretive, and so volatile.

    It's a mind-melt, waiting to happen.

  • Juana DT Provo, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 5:21 p.m.

    My husband and I have been serving as missionary group leaders in the LDS 12-step Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) for nearly 3 years in the Provo South Mission. Our meetings include PASG meetings--gender specific meetings for sexual addictions for addicts and their spouses, children, parents, friends. We have seen so much progress in addressing this challenge through the implementation of the ARP. These meetings are the most heavily attended of all the meetings offered several times each week.

    THANK YOU for this article. Everything which can be done to raise awareness--not only to the issue, but to lower/erase the stigma attached in addition to the hope which exists for addicts and their families is of prime importance. There is hope!!

  • mecr Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 5:07 p.m.

    All addictions start with "a little bit of (you name the object of your affection) does not harm anybody or myself". How wrong! I won't get in an accident if I speed a little bit because I am in control. I wont' crash the car if I talk on the phone for a minute. I am not an addict if I drink a glass of wine every day. Every single one of these reasonings are based on the supposed fact that one is in control. And that's not entirely true. You may be in control, but you won't know for how long. Why taking risks then?

  • SoCalTrueBlue San Diego, CA
    Sept. 19, 2010 4:52 p.m.

    Pornography is destructive to all because it glorifies sex outside of marriage. Like alcohol, it is even more dangerous for some because some people, for a variety of reasons, are more likely to become addicts. For men, pornography fuels lust in a way that cannot be quenched, often leading to "acting out" and sex outside of marriage. Even if it doesn't always result in that, it destroys the marriage relationship over time.
    Of all the comments posted above, I was most impressed with "truecougar's." I have served as an LDS bishop and stake president and have learned a little about the destructive force of pornography. A forgiving, loving, supportive wife can help, but overcoming a pornography addiction requires earnest desire and deep faith (both of which are wounded, sometimes mortally so, by a long addiction). It is beautiful to witness when victory occurs, which can and does happen.

  • JanSan Pocatello, ID
    Sept. 19, 2010 4:07 p.m.

    After my divorce.. one of the problems which was porn, I went back to school. I took a Human Sexually class in which there were about 75 to 125 in attendance. I remember one day the topic was porn and the professor said something to the effect that there was nothing wrong with porn and then asked how many there had viewed porn on a pretty regularly basis. I was shocked when about 3/4 of the class raised their hands. He went on to explain how this is not not a big deal and so on and so forth. It made me realize that even in college we need to be mindful of what is being taught.(Yes, I know they are of age.. Just like they are of age to drink and can do a report on Friday of the horrors of binge drinking on Friday and the then go out of Friday and Saturday and do just that!).

  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Sept. 19, 2010 4:02 p.m.

    Re: CCB's comment @ 2:07:

    No, what destroys families is evil, not just "guilt". (It sounds like you believe guilt is 'always' bad. You don't talk much to your conscience anymore?, or have you turned that off?)

    So what is evil?

    Simple, anything that moves us away from God. If it encourages you to believe in Him, obey Him, love Him, serve Him and His children, then it is of God. If it has the opposite effect it is not.

    Pornography does none of those things and anyone who is honest knows this.

    Yes, the women shown in pornography are visually attractive (and there's nothing wrong with physical attractiveness) but the bigger portion of "beaty" and "goodness" involve more than physical attractiveness.

    Good luck.

  • truecougar Lehi, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 3:58 p.m.

    As someone who is susceptible to this type of addiction I'd like to make a couple of points. My addiction is likely not to the level discussed by some of the unfortunate women highlighted in the article.
    1)Hiding the addiction from my partner is the most cutting aspect of the addiction. I have had many discussions with her about this and those have been the #1 best solution for me. Her understanding and continual help is priceless.
    2)Those who feel that pornography is okay in marriage are really undermining the institution and sanctity of marriage.
    3)Addiction to pornography is very real and very difficult to overcome. It is much better never to get involved than to deal with the consequences--even if it is done with our marital partners.
    4)Pornography is a vice just as alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs are. It is a tool of those who seek to prey on others to make money. We see lighter forms of it in every aspect of our society.
    5)Sex is good. Marriage relationships are even better. We should never consider trading our most valuable relationships for anything. Here lies the problem of pornography.

  • Alfred Tucson, AZ
    Sept. 19, 2010 2:35 p.m.

    Dr. Laura Schlesinger, the noted author, radio talk show host, and psychiatrist stated: "If there are problems in the marriage bedroom look for the result as either divorce or pornography."

    Truer words were never spoken.

  • CCB Orem, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 2:07 p.m.

    I agree with joggle. In every case I have heard of where pornography destroyed a family or marriage, it was always because the involved person was doing it in secret and not letting the other person know about it. Pornography, if viewed and discussed openly in a relationship and NOT in secret is not a harmful thing to said relationship. What destroys families is when one person engages in an activity deemed evil in secret and never comes forward about it.

  • malwambiwamba Provo, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 1:54 p.m.

    Dear ReidPhD,

    Thanks so much for posting the reference!

  • ReidPhD Beverly Hills, CA
    Sept. 19, 2010 1:31 p.m.

    Study reference by VocalLocal was conducted by Dr Michael Twohig and Jesse Crosby. It's titled "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Treatment for Problematic Internet Pornography Viewing" and was published in the scientific journal Behavior Therapy, Volume 10, pp. 285-295. It was published this year, 2010.

  • Mayfair Claremore, OK
    Sept. 19, 2010 1:15 p.m.

    re: The Caravan Moves On

    I predict Joggle's wife or girlfriend is in for a much rougher and much more painful road...

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 1:07 p.m.

    @The Caravan Moves On

    I have already traveled down a long and winding road for many years and it has for the most part been a happy experience! I've already experienced much of life and have seen the guilt religion inflicts on a person's sexuality that drives them to porn rather than away from it. Your lack of talent as a predicter is very apparent! Instead of attacking me personally....perhaps you should think about presenting a reasonable argument!

  • Otis Spurlock Ogden, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 1:01 p.m.

    Moderation in all things. Good advice then and great advice now.

  • KJB1 Eugene, OR
    Sept. 19, 2010 12:48 p.m.

    Saying that pornography is inherently dangerous is like saying that anybody who drinks a glass of wine is bound to become a raging alcoholic. Sure, porn can be abused just like anything else, but I agree with Joggle and VocalLocal: much of the "damage" it causes comes from the guilt and the secrecy that people surround it with. As for myself, me and my wife occasionally indulge and we've actually found that it has improved our relationship. The inability and unwillingness to open is what destroys marriages, not pictures on a screen.

  • The Caravan Moves On Enid, OK
    Sept. 19, 2010 12:33 p.m.

    I predict 'Joggle' is in for a rough and painful road...

  • malwambiwamba Provo, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 12:11 p.m.

    Dear VocalLocal,

    That study sounds fascinating! I tried to find it online, but I couldn't. Do you have a link or reference?

  • VocalLocal Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 11:32 a.m.

    Utah State University recently did research on pornography addiction and found once those addicted accepted the pornography use and stopped wrapping their pornography use in religious guilt which demonized the activity they actually started using the pornography less and less. Yes, there is sexual addiction and there are those that regardless of the belief system will engage in sexual activities that are harmful to themselves and others but demonizing sexuality and pornography will only give addiction the fuel of guilt.

  • jshimizu Cottonwood Heights, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 11:20 a.m.

    THANK YOU for writing this article. families that are in this situation can take great comfort in knowing that they are not alone.

  • Jenn Holladay, Utah
    Sept. 19, 2010 11:05 a.m.

    As I read this article I felt I had to add my comments that not all men are addicted to Pornography. Women can be too. Being sexually abused as a child and submitted to pornography I too am drawn to this evil. Although I don't consider it an addiction my vices are sexual and love addiction of which I am in recovery. However, in losing my marriage to it and wanting a change of heart I turned to therapy and an amazing book called HE RESTORETH MY SOUL by Donald Hilton M.D.. I also go to a 12 step program each week that the L.D.S. Church provides. I have found that each day is a choice choosing between freedom of heart and mind or staying in the chains of bondage. This experience has made me a stronger person and helps me realize that even good people can stumble but if they choose they can use their stumbling blocks into stepping stones of recovery.

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 11:03 a.m.

    Pornography is only a problem when it becomes habitual, and diverts a person from developing a loving, personal and intimate relationship with their spouse or signifcant other. Contrary to what many believe, pornography can be healthy in a relationship. Most people think of pornography in the seediest of terms, however not all material is like that. Pornography as part of a healthy relationship can add to that relationship if it is mutually experienced and openly discussed. So long as you are talking you are keeping your relationship open and may very well learn about your partner's likes and dislikes as well as your own. Before dismissing all pornography as evil one must consider that in many relationships it can be beneficial. It isn't necessarily the material that is bad, it is the abuse of it that is bad.

    Religion itself can be viewed as harmful as pornography when it requires the repression of normal sexual function and promotes guilt which leads to a dysfunctional view of sex and lack of intimacy with their partner.

    This article is very one-sided and doesn't address all sides of the issue of porography.

  • Nebraska Offutt AFB, NE
    Sept. 19, 2010 10:44 a.m.

    Once again, the man is the 'big bad evil'. Pornography is also made, viewed, enjoyed and causes addiction in women also. This is especially true for young women who are now quickly rising in the number of sexual crimes committed by women.

    Yes, Porno is bad, it does cause addiction that is very difficult for families to deal with, but don't focus on only the men. Women do it too.

  • mecr Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 9:39 a.m.

    I commend Deseret News for publishing this article. I am looking forward for the series. I was married to a man who cheated from day 1. When I found he had been sleeping with several women, I asked him to change or leave. He chose the second. I waited for a change but nothing happened. My mother in-law told me "you should be patience. my husband was the same and now look at us together". That scared me. I didn't want my children make their future spouses miserable as I was. So, I divorced him. Raising my children by myself was not easy, but they are healthy, good children. I remarried a good man and if I compare my two marriages, it's like the night and day. I believe it's on us, the victims, to cut the deal, to break the chain, not only for us, but for our children. It may look like a sacrifize but at the end, it was not. And yes, my ex-busband still cheats on his now wife.

  • S.Andrew Zaelit Salt Lake City, UT
    Sept. 19, 2010 9:34 a.m.

    Perhaps this should be part one of a three installment story. This is a difficult topic for all involved but there can be hope for the future. May God bless those who are fighting to make it through each day.

  • heidi ho Fort Collins, CO
    Sept. 19, 2010 7:15 a.m.

    My husband has dealt with sexual addiction the entire time of our almost 30 years of marriage. I had to get help for myself and learn to not hold him in resentment. He has a disease. But he is a child of God. I go to S-Anon which is for partners of men who are in sexaholics anonymous which is a 12 step group for sex addicts. It has not been an easy road. But I was abused by my dad so was attracted to men that were unavailable to me emotionally and who were addicted to sex. This is a famiy disease and if the family does not receive help, the disease becomes generational and chronic. I have seen women who have not recognized their patterns of being a victim (usually having been sexually abused) divorce their sex addict husbands, just to marry or be in a relationship quickly again to another sex addict. We are co-dependent and sick ourselves. Unless I develop a relationship with God and heal that broken inner child, I will continue my pattern of neediness, co-depenency and victimization.