BYU study: Good parenting all about the right 'dad-itude'

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  • g00chygirl
    June 20, 2010 8:46 a.m.

    I agree. Letting the child have autonomy in something safe and inconsequential like dressing himself, and then complimenting him and building his confidence will pay off later. If the parent and child have developed a good relationship in small ways like this, then the child will be more likely to trust the parent's opinion in more important things and the parent will be able to have a lot of influence in guiding them, or be able to draw the line when it has to be drawn without a huge pushback.

  • Dr. Right
    June 19, 2010 10:26 p.m.

    There are times when a little information can be dangerous. I generally don’t comment on newspaper articles, but I feel this is a time when the information provided is insufficient and can lead to misfortune. As a child psychiatrist, I recognize that studies can be dangerous in that in order to assess the topic desired, other information is neglected. In this case, the long term outcome of the child. Excessively controlling parental relationships are harmful for children by inhibiting the child’s ability to make routine choices that lead to not only learning but also self-confidence. Excessively tolerant parenting styles may preserve the parental relationship but leave the child ill equipped to deal with the real world and at increased risk of experiencing mishaps that could have been avoided if generational knowledge was present. A balanced approach is best, with children being allowed to rule themselves in items where the consequences are minimal but with adults intervening to ensure safety and competency outside the home.

  • washcomom
    June 19, 2010 11:07 a.m.

    At least the child is dressed! I cannot tell you how often I see Dads out of the equation when the families are walking down a store aisle, looking for goods for themselves and ignoring bad behavior. Mom is burdened by pushing the cart, making sure the baby has its bottle, and that Jr. hasn't toppled the juice bottles.

    HELLO???? McFLY????? Are you in there?????

  • FYI
    June 19, 2010 9:03 a.m.

    UtahRoper, you did a nice job of commenting on this article, let's get together and I'll help you write some really nice comments.

  • formerUT
    June 19, 2010 7:50 a.m.

    As someone who experienced a very unflexible fatherly parenting style, totally agree. Wish society taught men better how to be this way.

    Oh--and Utah Roper---it didn't say the parents couldn't teach them....but in all honesty, why freak out about "spilled" milk. Allowing a 3 year old to be unmatched does not mean you're going to create an over-tolerant child. Instead you'll create a child with problem solving and functional living skills, because they won't become overly-dependent upon a parent to "teach" them (or force them) to do everything!

  • UtahRoper
    June 18, 2010 10:18 p.m.

    Sorry, as someone who has worked with children and families for over 3o years, teaching trumps tolerance. How about, "son you did a nice job getting ready, let's go upstairs and I'll help you put together a realy nice ensemble." We live in an ultra tolerant society that places acceptance of anything ahead of teaching and leading. I really can't believe BYU was part of this study!

  • radio_lover
    June 18, 2010 7:47 p.m.

    although not a parent, i cannot help but agree with the findings of this study. this is a very interesting column.