nd700 - stock.adobe.com

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Amusement parks all over the country are in financial trouble. Their roller coasters just can’t compete with the stock market.

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Think of the market as a boat listing near the shore. Its crew members are trying hard to stabilize things while Republicans cheer them from the shore and Democrats cheer the waves.

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And in the middle of all this, both sides decide to cut the rope that was governing the boat from the dock.

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Despite all this, the Christmas season was a big hit. Master Card reported more than $850 billion in holiday charges, and Amazon said tens of millions of people signed up for its Prime services. This is great news for the economy going forward. Think of all the bill collectors, repo men, bankruptcy court judges and financial counselors people will need to hire.

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Monday night is that annual special time when parents put wide-awake children to bed, assuring them they’re not old enough to stay up late, then end up falling asleep themselves a few minutes later on the sofa in front of the TV.

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This also is the time of year when TV sends us images of all the year’s tragedies, disasters and deaths, then switches at midnight to scenes of revelers in silly hats who are certain the New Year won’t bring anything like that.

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6 comments on this story

Some groups are calling for a ban on wrapping paper at Christmas, noting that billions of dollars of the inked paper are filling landfills each December. Taking this to heart, next year I will cover my presents in an adobe mixture made from straw and mud from my backyard, dried in a kiln. Each gift will come with a pick and small explosive devices to loosen the mortar. This solves two problems. First, it will save the environment. Second, it will answer the age-old question of what to do Christmas afternoon. Opening gifts will take all day, at least.

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I’m confused: Are the people who don’t want the president to withdraw troops from Syria the same as the people who didn’t want them there in the first place, and how are they related to the ones who didn’t want President Obama to withdraw from Iraq?