Susan Walsh
The first test of the national wireless emergency system by the Federal Emergency Management Agency is shown on a cellular phone at the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 3, 2018. About 225 million electronic devices across the United States received alerts from FEMA Wednesday afternoon. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Americans went through a collective panic attack last Wednesday as they discovered the president has the power to command them over their cellphones.

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The “presidential alert” many of us experienced said, “No action is needed.” For now, that is. Maybe this is just the start of a new White House revenue enhancement program. Next you will receive an alert telling you a rich president wants to give you millions of dollars in exchange for your credit card number.

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Or, worse, the president will start posting directly to your Facebook page to compete with the Russians who already are posting directly on your Facebook page.

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Last week, the FBI completed its helpful investigations into Brett Kavanaugh and the claims made by Christine Blasey Ford. Also helpful was the way the FBI put its report in a dimly lit vault and allowed lawmakers only limited time to shuffle in and look at it. Thus, the nation was spared the crisis of its politicians having to change their minds based on facts.

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Americans have been looking forward to the end of this whole Supreme Court nomination thing. Then they can go back to watching TV shows they feel comfortable with — the nonpolitical ones that make light of sexual abuse and are sponsored by beer.

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Google recently celebrated its 20th anniversary. It’s true; I looked it up on Bing.

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Los Angeles International Airport is letting passengers pack marijuana in their carry-on bags. This is not going to be good for on-time departures.

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Actually, this could be a costly move for the air industry. Airlines may find themselves quickly running out of snacks and munchies on their flights.

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And things won’t be as pleasant when your plane lands in Texas and you are immediately thrown in prison for possession of a controlled substance. Toward the end of flights, attendants may have to announce that you have limited time left to stand in line and flush evidence down the toilet.