A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Who needs the NFL, with its watered-down tackling rules? Thanks to cable TV, we can watch Supreme Court nomination hearings. No rules, and they don’t even wear helmets!

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Anyone who really misses the old Barnum and Bailey Circus should come to Washington. Elephants and donkeys perform daily. P.T. Barnum lives! It’s up to you to decide who are the suckers.

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Each day of hearings last week began with the ceremonial tossing out of the first protester. This was followed by several repeats, using a series of different protesters every 10 minutes or so, just to break the monotony. The only thing missing was a scroll at the bottom of the screen telling people what number to call to vote for their favorite performance.

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In the grand finale, Democratic presidential aspirant Cory Booker declared himself Spartacus. You remember Spartacus, right? He led an uprising against the Roman Empire by releasing confidential documents the Romans already had made public … or something like that.

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One good thing is that no one decided to play the national anthem and take a knee. Then the president would have tried to shut the whole thing down.

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After several days of exhaustive hearings, Americans finally learned the truth about Judge Brett Kavanaugh. He’s a “pro-law” judge, as opposed to all those judges who hate the law.

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The late British journalist Claud Clockburn said, “Believe nothing until it has been officially denied.” In other words, you better believe a lot of crazy stuff happened in Washington last week.

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A day after The New York Times published an anonymous op-ed from “a senior official in the Trump administration,” the list of denials from prominent people in the White House began to grow. Curiously, President Trump wasn’t among them.

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Even former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. had to deny he was secretly flying from Moscow (otherwise known as U.S. election headquarters) to Washington so he could frustrate the president’s agenda.

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The op-ed writer called the president, “impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective.” Not so, said the president, as he dashed off several hastily written tweets, including one that called the author gutless and accused him or her of treason, and another that ineffectively demanded the Times hand the writer over to the government.

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All of this has me confused. Am I supposed to be more afraid of the deep state or the shallow state?