BYU fans have spoken out about the team’s offensive woes, and there’s a clear consensus on one thing: Everybody has an opinion.
As an act of service to BYU coach Kalani Sitake, we sifted through the multitude of suggestions from participants in a recent (and very unscientific) Deseret News survey. The result is a foolproof list that's guaranteed to quickly turn things around in Provo or your next CougarTail is on us, or whoever suggested that the university needs to "shut the program down."
You’re welcome in advance, BYU.
Or, our apologies.
Either way, here you go (with occasional snarky commentary in parentheses):
Tips for Ty Detmer (assuming he isn't sent back to coach Texas high school football, as was suggested):
• Use a spread offense instead of a pro-style one.
• Shotgun! (Nobody likes sitting in the backseat.)
• Play Beau Hogge. Or Ben Hoge. Or Houge. Or Hodge. Or Hogea. Or Bo. Others didn’t even try to spell Beau Hoge’s name — or didn’t know it — and simply called for the backup, QB No. 2, a running QB, Austin Kafentzis, Kody Wilstead or — cue Survivor — “a QB who has that intangible eye of the tiger.”
• Sign Uncle Rico.
• More imagination on offense.
• Teach the wide receivers how to catch a football.
• Send Ty to the booth to oversee everything.
• Play calling seems questionable. First-down incompletions and then running on second and third is mind boggling and maddening.
• Remember, Ty did not set the world on fire when he watched football from the sidelines for many years. Of course, BYU can schedule some high school teams next year and then I believe Ty would do fine. (Ouch.)
• Add some diversity to their offense. Even my 14-year-old brother knew what was coming next.
• Take at least one day to work on quickness of execution.
• Try some new player combos. Intense film review and coaching to drill the O-line to step it up and give their QB protection and time!!! (You know it's a legit concern when three exclamation marks are used!!!)
• Suit up Detmer.
Tips for Tanner Mangum (assuming he's still playing, which some irked fans hope to not be the case):
• Throw the ball better.
• Put me in coach! (Not me me, mind you. The reader me.)
• More no-huddle. BYU offense seems to click more when they are in an up-tempo pace.
• Make smart plays and not stare down receivers.
• Be more confident. He’s too good of a player to be playing so badly.
• Give Mangum freedom.
• More play option and misdirection plays.
• Let Tanner sling it.
• Humility from the leader.
• Provide more short yardage passes like bubble screens, 5-yard outs, 5-yard curls, RB passes in the flat.
• Playas gotta make plays.
• He's under too much pressure, literally and emotionally. Find a way to protect him and loosen up and things can still turn around for the season.
• More crossing routes, screens, pass/read option, trickier running plays (e.g. reverses) etc.
• Scrap the game plan. Let Mangum play like he did his freshman year. No huddle. Shotgun. Throw deep. What can they lose? (More games?)
Tips for the running game (and, sorry, Jamaal Williams is not coming back from Green Bay):
• Find a playmaker that can carry the ball and be a game-changer.
• Move Riley Burt back to offense and give him a chance.
• Picking up blitzes will give Mangum more time to go through progressions and find an open receiver. (Ula) Tolutau in the run game will help open up the passing game.
• Run blocking needs improvement.
• Line has to find a way to make holes.
• It can't get any worse to send in the new kid from Tonga (6-7, 410 pounds).
• They need to put big Mo in as running back.
• Start the larger RB for extra blocking.
• Give the ball to Tolutau now.
• Install a wishbone offense.
• Fsgfhgshfhffhfh? (Couldn’t have said it better.)
• Find out what’s wrong with Canada (it’s a nice country, honestly ... oh, Squally) and use Trey Dye a little more as a situational running back.
• Give the RB you feel is performing the best the bulk of the snaps and let them get into a groove.
• Put #5 in. (Let the Dayan Ghanwoloku Era begin! Oops, he's a defensive back. That's also Ula Tolutau's number.)
• Jet sweeps to spread the field then pound it up the middle.
• Clone Jamaal Williams, Luke Staley and Harvey Unga.
Other random tips:
• Dust off a white flag and seek terms of surrender for the Wisconsin game.
• Play a weaker defense.
• Get rid of the Honor Code.
• Need receivers who can get off the line, chuck their db, and then CATCH the ball. Getting hung up on the line messes with the timing for the QB.
• Stop scheduling good teams, like Wisconsin and Utah.
• Use the backup kicker.
• Recruit better speed at skill positions.
• New head coach.
• New players.
• Bring back Robert Anae.
• Recruit Mike Leach.
• Fire Detmer.
• Fire Mahe.
• Fire wide receivers coach.
• Fire offensive staff.
• Fire all sports writers.
• Fire everyone.
• Open tryouts.
• Recruit, recruit, recruit!
• Protect the dude! (We’ll assume this refers to the dude from BYU’s football team, not the Big Lebowski.)
• Actually, swallow some pride and move back to the MWC. We will be a New Year’s Day Bowl contender every year!!!! (!!!!)
• Play Division II.
• Better play in the trenches.
• Bring back Luke Staley. (Good news! He’ll be at the stadium Saturday to have his No. 6 jersey retired.)
• Stop wearing the royal unis with shiny face mask combo. We have only won one game with shiny face masks. It is bad luck.
• Stop listening to crybaby fans and give Sitake and crew time to bring it all together.
• Give it time. Relax, people!
• Pray harder.
• Heaven only knows. (See previous answers.)
• Join the Big Sky Conference.
• Darned if I know. If I knew, I'd be getting paid nice money as a head football coach at a D1 FBS school. Alas, I am only an accountant. (Hey, nobody asked for the accountants to be fired, so you must be smarter than the rest of us.)