Yuri Kadobnov, Associated Press
Russian President Vladimir Putin gestures speaking at his meeting with Kazakh President Nursultan Nazarbayev and Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko in the Novo-Ogaryovo residence outside Moscow on March 5, 2014.

Now would be a good time for the NSA to tap Vladimir Putin’s cell phone. (Based on a suggestion by reader Ron Young of Bountiful.)

President Barack Obama reacted angrily to Russia’s aggression in Ukraine, to which Russia’s leader responded, “Crimea river.”

Russia claims it has a right to reclaim the Crimean Peninsula because it belonged to Russia for more than 200 years. Using that logic, England may soon demand the 13 colonies back.

If that logic were to carry the day, the U.S. might see some advantages. Unfortunately, France might not be interested in taking Detroit back.

Speaking of which, when the leaders of Detroit heard that the European Union was offering a $15 billion bailout package to Ukraine, they started looking for ways to provoke Putin.

NASA should be happy. If the Cold War restarts, the United States may get the incentive it needs to beat the Russians back to the moon.

It’s a good thing China wasn’t the aggressor in Ukraine. It would be hard to slap economic sanctions on the country that’s buying all our debt.

Producers of the new movie “Noah,” want to be clear it is only loosely based on the Biblical account. That explains why “Norwegian Cruise Lines” is painted on the side of the Ark.

Then there is the part where a weary Noah, having just cleaned the Ark, points a gun at the hippos and says, “Go ahead, make my day.”

The City of Grand Rapids, Mich., repealed an ordinance this week that made it illegal to be annoying. Thousands of parents were expecting their children to be released from jail.

It’s true, for 38 years it has been illegal to “willfully annoy another person” in Grand Rapids. It’s a wonder anyone was elected to run the city.

This explains why Justin Bieber has now scheduled a performance in Grand Rapids.

Utah lawmakers were considering a strongly worded bill to regulate how popular e-cigarettes are produced, but then appeared to be changing their minds last week, deciding this was something the feds ought to do, instead. That’s right, make Washington cough up the regulations while unsuspecting new smokers in Utah simply cough.

Jay Evensen is the senior editorial columnist at the Deseret News. Email him at even@desnews.com. For more content, visit his web site, jayevensen.com.