Brian Nicholson, Deseret News
Justin Bieber performs at Energy Solutions Arena in Salt Lake City January 5, 2013.

In Hollywood, bad news is supposed to come in multiples of three. Sort of makes you wonder what Justin Bieber will do next.

Last week, Time magazine reported that the White House is now required to respond to a petition calling for deportation of Justin Bieber after his arrest on DUI charges. Reportedly, the online petition has attracted more than 100,000 signatures. Isn’t it good to know America can unite on the really important national issues?

So let’s get this straight: Canada hasn’t been able to get a straight answer from the White House about an oil pipeline for about six years now, but 100,000 Bieber haters will get an answer in 30 days?

While America was waiting on word from the White House, Bieber turned himself into Toronto police in connection with assault charges from last year. Canadians may soon be petitioning to extradite him back to the United States.

Meanwhile, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reportedly comforted Bieber by telling him Toronto’s jails aren’t so bad, and offering to introduce him to the right bunch of people.

Much of the lower 48 shivered through ice and snow last week that caused impossibly complicated traffic jams in Atlanta and led to many people spending the night away from home. Meanwhile, in Canada officials have their own word for the “polar vortex.” They call it, “January.”

Expect Atlanta’s politicians to raise taxes to buy a fleet of snowplows that will sit idle for the next 100 years.

Olympic organizers in Russia reportedly spent tens of billions of dollars on the construction of venues, much of which somehow ended up in the bank accounts of organized crime figures. Sort of makes the trinkets Salt Lake City organizers gave IOC members back in the day seem trivial, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile, you can be sure that if secret illegal stuff is going on in official Russia circles, Edward Snowden will expose it to the world, right? Right?

A “study” by has ranked Salt Lake City dead last in terms of people who read the Bible. That’s like publishing a survey that ranks New Orleans last in terms of places to find jazz music.

Jay Evensen is associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. E-mail him at For more content, visit his web site,