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Scott G Winterton, Deseret News
USU fans celebrate an Aggie Score as BYU and Utah State play Friday, Sept. 30, 2011 at Lavell Edwards Stadium.
BYU fans, please don’t throw stuff at our refs like you did at the "other" game —you know the one. ... Also, in case you didn't see the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3HM9s_eq4c" target="_blank">YouTube video</a>, you all have rotten aim.

I sat in a Walmart parking lot in the fall of 2010 for the most part of the BYU-USU football game. I don’t remember why.

I do remember that my Cougars got spanked, 31-16, while I was, what? Waiting on my kids to pick ice cream flavors or something.

I passed the time pounding my head on the windshield.

The next night was general priesthood meeting for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and as I sat there, I wondered how everyone could focus on good works and doing right when BYU had tanked just the night before.

As a BYU fan, I have been spoiled by teams that don’t lose a lot — not to Utah State at least. My father, who lives in Logan, remains annoyingly neutral on the subject during family get-togethers. If the conversation at the table leans a little too much toward one team or the other, he will pop in with a polite factoid about the other team to even things up. That’s the kind of Utah State fan he is.

The problem is that there are just too many of his type of Utah State fans around.

Driving down the road past my father's home after a game — he lives way to close to Romney Stadium for my taste — one sees Aggie fans cheering, singing and waving. Not just waving little flags in a shade of blue slightly different from the one that I prefer, but waving to passers-by — the friendly, "How the heck are ya? Thanks for visiting Logan!" kind of waves.

Once I was helped across the street and handed a coupon for a Big Blue burger and some Aggie Ice Cream that, I have to admit, was entirely too yummy for words.

Not that the Aggie team itself is so cordial. From what I heard in the Walmart parking lot, they hit hard and take names. After they knock you to the ground, they help you up with an encouraging word and a pat on your rear. That goes for the boosters too.

Even Utah State head coach Matt Wells has sweet things to say "(BYU’s Kyle Van Noy) is a really, really good pass rusher…" he practically gushed. "I’ll be happy to shake his hand Friday night…"

And them were the fighting words.

So, I am going to have to smack talk for all my friends at Utah State who are to genteel to do it themselves — all in the name of camaraderie and courteous rivalry.

Here goes:

The color blue is lovely, don’t you think? So go out and get your own! Yes, we know. Your color is navy blue, or royal for some games, but our Aggie Blue is also navy-ish, and we had ours first. Now we have had to resort to adding gray to our uniforms so people can tell us apart.

Aggie fan to ESPN reporter: "No, we are the gray-and-blue horned cows, not the Cougars."

What is with BYU quarterbak Taysom Hill? First he is the pride of Pocatello, then persona non au-gratin. After one little game against Texas, he is heralded as the biggest thing since pearled spuds. Athlon Sports National Player of the Week, then off for a week, the Player of the Chinese Year of the Potato. Please make up your mind. It is really hard for us to prepare for that.

Can’t BYU keep a team on the field? With all due respect to the honor code, exactly what is it that has your team taking personal and individual byes for 1 to 5 games? Do you think that USC, SMU and Auburn got where they did by having high standards? Next you will be telling us that BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall didn't get his offensive line from APP line-up.

BYU fans, please don’t throw stuff at our refs like you did at the "other" game —you know the one. Some of these men are friends of people we have heard about, and we don’t want anyone who has risked his life by driving through Sardine Canyon all the way to Cache Valley to get donked by a sailing missiles of Sprite and caffeine-free Diet Coke.

Also, in case you didn't see the YouTube video, you all have rotten aim.

Friday night's game is Utah State’s second home game, and, arguably, the hottest ticket of the year. USU Athletic director Scott Barnes said the single-game tickets sold out within 30 minutes of going on sale.

Friday nights in Logan are serious business for both for Utah State (3-2, 2-0 MWC) and BYU (2-2). Wells hopes Friday at Romney Stadium becomes a blue-and-grey game to rank with the finest of them.

So, I will be listening to Greg Wrubell on KSL News Radio in some parking lot while eating a Blue Burger with coupon given to me by a nice coed majoring in family studies. My wish is that everyone, Cougars and Aggies alike, will be able to keep a sense of who they are so no one will have to spend most of LDS general conference apologizing and begging forgiveness because they screamed obscenities at people who look like they were at their family reunion last Wednesday.

Just watch how the Aggies do it. They have the polite please and thank you, and then they will pat your rear.

Gotta love Logan.

Davison Cheney writes the "Prodigal Dad" for KSL.com. See his other writings at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com & on Twitter @davisoncheney.