Being an expert in television viewing (I have been watching for a while) and having studied television at New York University (pin a rose on my nose), I feel it’s my duty and honor to share my opinion on this fall’s new prime-time television lineup.
While I’m only covering new shows on the major networks, I will confess that I have set my DVR to record "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," "Married to Jonas" and "Conjoined Twins: Abby and Brittany." That’s all I can allow myself to admit (OK, "Dance Moms," too).
Fine, you discovered my one flaw. I’m a television junkie. I love TV, so while we might disagree on some of my reviews, at least you know I care.
This fan's opinion is based on seeing a few pilot episodes and lots of previews available online.
Must watch — I can’t wait to see this.
Meh — I don’t love it, I don’t hate it. Meh, I’ll probably watch it.
Booooo — Not into it.
Uh-uh — No.
"666 Park Avenue" — ABC, Sept. 30, 10 p.m., Uh-uh. If this show is ABC’s idea of keeping the Sabbath Day holy, then we go to very different churches. Not far from my old apartment in New York City, 666 Park Ave. would be near Hunter College on the upper east side if it existed. And to destroy the illusion of this seductive show even more, the exterior shots of the hotel are the Ansonia Hotel on Broadway and 74th St. on the upper west side. Based on the book with the same name, evil hotel owners are out to do the devil’s work through a young, naïve couple looking for cheap rent. It’s said the show is "Rosemary’s Baby" meets "The Shining" meets ABC, so don’t plan on a good night’s rest.
"Partners" — CBS, Sept. 24, 8:30 p.m., Meh. In this show, a straight guy and a gay guy are life-long best friends who are way too involved in each other’s lives. The story is based on the real life of the two men who created "Will & Grace." And there is a very cute basset hound in the cast if that counts for anything.
"The Mob Doctor" — Fox, Sept. 17, 9 p.m., Meh. Jordana Spiro ("My Boys") is back on TV and starring in a show about a young doctor in Chicago who, because of family drama, is forever in debt to the Mafia. Yay! Actually, it’s terrifying. In the preview, she pulled a screwdriver out of a man’s head. I’m not sure if I can handle that.
"Revolution" — NBC, Sept. 17, 10 p.m., Must watch. J.J. Abrams has done it again. In this show, technology disappears. Electricity, cellphones, Internet, everything. And it wipes out the world. Fifteen years later, “the militia” is still trying to figure out where the power went. I'm really hoping the power doesn’t go out while I’m watching it.
"Vegas" — CBS, Sept. 25, 10 p.m., Meh. Oh cool, another show about Vegas. (Boring.) That’s what I thought until I read that the show is actually based on the true story of former Las Vegas Sheriff Ralph Lambs, who tried to stop corruption in Sin City back in the 1960s. Now that’s more interesting.
"Ben and Kate" — Fox, Sept. 25, 8:30 p.m., Must watch. I laughed out loud not once, not twice, but three times in this preview, and I do not LOL as carelessly as a teenage girl flirting on gchat. Ben and Kate are brother and sister trying to get their lives straightened out, and I really hope this show is as funny as the preview made it out to be.
"The Mindy Project" — Fox, Sept. 25, 9:30 p.m., Must watch/Meh. In her show, Mindy Kaling plays a good-hearted doctor who helps the needy but has terrible luck with men. The pilot clearly sets up a love triangle that will keep the lady viewers on the edge of their seats, but it looks like she is going to make a lot of wrong choices before finding Mr. Right M.D. I'm not sure the pilot episode sends the right message to young women, but I think Mindy will find her way. (Pilot episode available on fox.com)
"Emily Owens, M.D." — CW, Oct. 16, 9 p.m., Meh. "Emily Owens" is CW’s "The Mindy Project." The show is almost identical to Mindy Kaling’s show. Emily Owens is an awkward girl who grows up to be a doctor but is terrible with men, except in this show her high school nemesis is also a doctor. Life is so unfair!
"Go On" — NBC, Sept. 11, 9 p.m., Booooo. In this series, Matthew Perry loses his wife in a texting-related car accident (sad) and is forced to join a transitions group where others with equally or more sad stories are learning to cope with their sadness and go on with their lives. And yes, this is a comedy. I think the show is supposed to be one cathartic experience after another, but some of the stories were just too sad for comedy. (Pilot episode available on nbc.com)
"The Neighbors" — ABC, Sept. 26, 8:30 p.m., Meh. "The Neighbors" is this generation’s "3rd Rock from the Sun." A new family moves into a neighborhood full of aliens. There’s a lot of husband and wife squabbling and green alien goo, and all the aliens are named after retired athletes I’m trying to give this show the benefit of the doubt, but it’s hard.
"Nashville" — ABC, Oct. 10, 10 p.m., Meh. Oo la la, it’s Tammy from "Friday Night Lights"! This show is serious country drama. It’s like if Faith Hill had to take on an evil Taylor Swift. I’ll give it an episode or two, but I’m worried about some potentially smutty scenes. I hope good conquers evil.
"Arrow" — CW, Oct. 10, 8 p.m., Booooo. "Arrow" is sort of like Robin Hood meets Batman. A playboy billionaire gets stranded on an island after his yacht sinks. His family believes he is dead but five years later he is found and returns to his former life a different man. He is determined to go out and stop criminals with his abs (at least an eight pack) and homemade bow and arrow.
"Animal Practice" — NBC, Sept. 26, 8 p.m., Meh. I wanted this show to be like "Scrubs": a silly and ridiculous doctor drama except this time in an animal hospital. It wasn’t like that. To sum it up, the pilot was hard to watch. Would I give it a second chance? I might, but only because I love two of the actors, Joanna Garcia Swisher (Reba) and Tyler Labine (Reaper). (Pilot episode available on nbc.com.)
"Guys with Kids" — NBC, Sept. 12, 8:30 p.m., Must watch. Besides the fact that I can’t possibly understand why you’d ever take your babies into a bar, the men in this show actually seem like good fathers instead of the Tim Allen I-just-fix-stuff-and-grunt type of men in sitcoms past. Definitely going to watch.
"Chicago Fire" — NBC, Sept. 10, 10 p.m., Must watch. Chicago has a special place in my heart since my husband is from the Windy City and we spent half of our time dating there (and the other half in New York where the real firemen are). Maybe I was distracted by love, but I never saw any firefighters as good looking as these guys. Dick Wolf, the immortal creator of "Law & Order," is executive producer of this show, and while there are not nearly enough mustaches and Chicago accents, I think I’ll set my DVR for this one.
"Last Resort" — ABC, Sept. 27, 8 p.m., Must watch. The name Last Resort really gives no indication as to what this show is actually about. To sum it up, a U.S. submarine is instructed to blow up Pakistan but refuses to do it because the order comes from someone they don’t recognize. Then another American submarine tries to sink them. It looks intense and a little unpatriotic, but I’m ready for a thriller that isn’t about a detective or a doctor.
"Elementary" — CBS, Sept. 27, 10 p.m., Uh-uh. Another "Sherlock"? I absolutely love the BBC remake of "Sherlock." It’s available on Netflix if you haven’t already checked it out. But in true patriotic form, American TV is attempting to one up an already awesome remake. While I’m all for girl power, Watson cannot be a woman, even if she is played by the very lovely Lucy Liu. The only reason I would watch this show is to confirm that it is as terrible as I’m sure it will be.
"Beauty and the Beast" — CW, Oct. 11, 9 p.m., Meh. This show is just another "Vampire Diaries" (and I already watch "Vampire Diaries"), except this time he’s some kind of mutant beast instead of a vampire, and they aren’t in high school, and the female lead is an NYPD super hot cop. Believe it or not, it’s a remake from the ’80s.
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"Made in Jersey" — CBS, Sept. 28, 9 p.m., Meh. Ah Jersey, you always give us your finest. This show has some spunk, but that’s because the lead actress totally nails her Jersey accent (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s real). This show’s beautiful lead is a Jersey girl turned big city lawyer, and everybody loves her. It’s like "Legally Blonde" for brunettes with attitude.
So there you have it. My honest opinions for this year's lineup. Let me know what you think. I'm always up for a TV debate.