Apple unveiled its new iPhone5 last week. Consumers are excited about a new feature that will allow users to actually make telephone calls.

The new phone has a larger screen than earlier models, allowing the nation's aging population to actually see some of what they're doing.

Apple, which now is wealthier than many countries, may soon decide to tax people to fund future developments.

Teachers in Chicago walked off the job last week, saying they were only interested in the kids they teach. The city, meanwhile, refused to budge on its demands, saying it only had the interest of kids in mind. The kids, meanwhile, wished people wouldn't care so much about them.

In an effort to jump-start the economy, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke announced he would connect a fire hose from a printing press at the mint directly to banks.

In making the announcement, Bernanke said he wants to make housing more affordable. Of course, prices and interest rates would have to drop considerably to make a house affordable to someone without a job.

With interest rates falling, it's not only easier to buy a house, it's easier to get a second or third mortgage, even if you don't really need it. Where have I heard this before?

Four years ago, the presidential race accidentally gave us Joe the Plumber, who ended up running for Congress based on a question he asked at a rally. America, meet your newest political sensation — Scott, the bear-hugging pizza guy.

Scott Van Duzer lifted the president off the ground with a bear hug during the chief executive's visit to his Big Apple Pizza restaurant in Florida. Now he says he might like to campaign. Joe the Plumber just asked a question. Think how far someone might go based on having actually manhandled the president.

What exactly do we pay the Secret Service for, anyway? To guard the pepperoni?

Meanwhile, Joe the Plumber made news last month by saying he would like the government to start shooting Mexicans at the border. Maybe this method of discovering new political talent doesn't work so well.

Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.