Advice to parents: If you tell your children that the stork brings babies, you might as well tell them that the stork puts the money in the ATMs.

How can the experts say that the economy has improved when unemployment is so high? Maybe it's because the experts don't know anyone who is unemployed.

The Secret Service publicly admitted there have been 91 breaches of White House security in the past 20 years. Another breach was publicizing the 91 breaches — make that 92.

Popular Washington T-shirt: "I went to dinner at the White House and all I got was this lousy picture with the Salahis."