Utah, Germany win titles

So it's settled — the Utes really did win the national championship.

OK, maybe not completely settled, but ...

Several Austin, Texas, football fans applied the BCS formula for grading teams, factored in bowl results and came up with a predictable result: Utah was No. 1.

"With the release of the six computer polls used in determining the ranking of teams in college football's Bowl Championship Series (BCS), it has been determined that the University of Utah has placed first in the final rankings of the 2008 season," said a news release last week.

Too bad nobody notified the BCS, which, as far as anyone knows, still hasn't changed its mind.

Meanwhile, an e-mail has been circulating since December, saying the foolproof BCS formula has also determined Germany was the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands," it said. "Their only losses came against the U.S. and Russia; however, considering their entire body of work —including an incredibly tough strength of schedule — our computers deemed them worthy of the No. 1 ranking."

Elbow room

A Dan Jones & Associates poll for the Deseret News last week showed 51 percent of Utahns consider themselves Ute football fans, while 43 percent are BYU fans.

In 2001, 2006 and 2007 — all years BYU won the conference title — a majority of fans (surprise!) picked BYU as their favorite team.

The survey had a margin of error of 5 percent.

Or roughly the same margin Bronco Mendenhall and Kyle Whittingham get on years they lose to their rival.

Behind the wheel

A LeaseTrader.com survey shows 18 percent of women drive on the first date.

Which means a lot of women must be hooking up with pro athletes, who comprise a large percentage of guys walking around with suspended licenses.

Limited returns

The state of Texas is conducting a $6 million steroid probe, but of the first 10,000 prep athletes tested, only four came up positive.

Sort of reminds me of the time I tried to get a date to the junior prom by placing a classified ad in the community newspaper.

It cost a lot, involved 10,000 subscribers, and only generated four responses.

None of them positive.

Reality TV

The NFL's first 3-D telecast was aired last month, and viewers were asked to text their reactions.

According to the Associated Press, one of the first suggestions was "more cheerleaders."