The real attraction

Aggie football coach Brent Guy unveiled a new marketing strategy last week — one that involved keeping the fans guessing.

Debating whether to start Sean Setzer or Diondre Borel at quarterback against Utah, Guy hit upon a plan.

"People will buy a ticket and come see their starters. That's going to be our marketing scheme for this week," said Guy. "We will announce the starter as soon as we get the football. So you better get a ticket and come see."

Sources say future marketing ploys include unveiling the new parking configuration in the Silver Lot and menu additions at the concessions windows.

The wrong stuff

Former Kansas teammates Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers were ejected last week from the NBA's rookie transition program. The conference educates players on the pitfalls of the glamor life.

Reports say security found the players in a room accompanied by two women and the distinct aroma of weed.

Just wondering, isn't that a bit like bringing donuts to a Weight Watchers convention?

A driving edge

Defending NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series champ Ron Hornaday admitted last week that he used steroids during a two-year period.

His explanation was that he was trying to treat a mysterious malady that doctors couldn't pinpoint.

Just wondering: Exactly how would steroids help a guy driving a car, anyway? Does it quicken your braking time?

Or do you put it in your gas tank to boost performance?

Grappling issues

Two University of Nebraska wrestlers have been kicked off the team after appearing nude on an Internet site.

That's embarrassing and obscene.

Not as obscene as the crotch lift or the grapevine, but still ...

A little respect

The Chicago Sun-Times notes that the Matadors, an all-male dance team, are holding tryouts beginning Sept. 27 at the University of Illinois-Chicago.

Qualifications? You have to look a bit like Bluto Blutarsky from "Animal House."

"Men who have painted their face and/or chest to demonstrate team loyalty, initiated stadium-wide chants or shaved the Bulls logo into his chest or back hair are strongly encouraged to audition," said the press release.

Please, ladies, no whistling, hooting or ogling.

But if you must, be sure to compliment them on their talent and dedication, too.

Nobody appreciates being relegated to a sex object.

Cheer up

Seattle Times columnist Dwight Perry on a 33-year-old Wisconsin woman who faces identity theft charges after allegedly using her daughter's name to enroll in high school, then join the cheer squad: "Possible sentences include 2, 4, 6, 8 months in jail."

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