OK, so "90210" isn't the worst show on television. It isn't even the worst show on The CW. Heck, it isn't even the worst soap on The CW.
That, um, honor goes to "One Tree Hill."
But, on the other hand, "90210" (7 p.m., Ch. 30) is not a good show. As a matter of fact, it's a bad show.
Which comes as no surprise, given that those tricky execs at The CW refused to screen it for critics before it debuted a week ago.
And parents who let their kids watch the show must have been thrilled with that oral-sex scene in the show's fourth minute involving characters who are supposed to be in high school.
Let's just say that this wasn't exactly a show for the entire family.
The premise wasn't bad at all. In a redux of the original "Beverly Hills, 90210," a Midwestern family moves to grandma's home in the strange, foreign land of Beverly Hills.
Making dad the principal of West Beverly High wasn't a bad idea, either. But having him discover that he fathered a child way back when by the witchy mother of the witchy girl his kids encounter was, well, laughable. Or, at least, handled laughably.
Unfortunately, boozy grandma's jokes weren't nearly as funny.
We were told repeatedly that this show was being produced by Judd Apatow disciples who worked on "Freaks & Geeks," but that sensibility was nowhere to be seen.
The soap-opera plotting was itself lame beyond belief. I'm sorry, but to have the same kid kicked off the lacrosse team, then reinstated to the lacrosse team, in each of the first two hours doesn't exactly inspire confidence that these writers/producers have enough material to last, well, more than one episode.
And the stuff that fans of the original show were interested in the return of Kelly and Brenda, the references to Brandon (and, perhaps, Dylan?) probably meant nothing to the teen and 20-something girls The CW is trying to attract. Because they're too young to have watched the original show.
That original show was, well, original. Whereas the remake is just another lame teenage soap that's not as good as "Gossip Girl."
Although at least it's better than "One Tree Hill."