Chan Kam Chuen, Lionsgate
Nicolas Cage stars as Joe in "Bangkok Dangerous," which should be titled "Hairpiece Ridiculous."

You only get a few precious seconds to promote a movie — or pique an audience's interest — in a trailer. So, you have to make those seconds count.

Unfortunately, the people promoting the new thriller "Bangkok Dangerous" didn't choose too wisely.

I laugh every time I see the trailers or television spots for the film, largely because of Nicolas Cage's silly-looking toupee. As a result, I've already given his latest movie a derisive nickname, "Hairpiece Ridiculous."

By the way, that film was not pre-screened for critics. That's usually a sign that a movie stinks, so maybe my first impression was correct.

"Bangkok Dangerous" is just one of this fall's many film releases. So, while I'm at it, here are my "reviews" of some other fall movie trailers with their release dates:

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (Nov. 14).

The people who made this trailer are smart enough to know that we don't really need to have plot details. We just need to know that Daniel Craig is back as 007 and that there's action.*** 1/2

BODY OF LIES (Oct. 10).

On a similar note, the spots for this spy thriller simply tout the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe are in it. What more do we need to know? ***

BURN AFTER READING (Sept. 12).

Yes, the new Coen brothers movie does look a bit silly — at least in the trailers. But after the dark "No Country for Old Men," that's probably a good thing.***

EAGLE EYE (Sept. 26).

I know a few people weren't sold on Shia LaBeouf in the latest "Indiana Jones" adventure. But if this thriller is as good as it looks, that might change a few minds. ***

FOREVER STRONG (Sept. 26).

It appears from the trailer for this rugby drama that we may finally have a locally produced feature that's not just technically competent but one that's actually an all-around winner. ***

THE EXPRESS (Oct. 10).

By way of comparison, this sports drama starring Dennis Quaid looks a little too familiar for its own good. Though most of them are formulaic by nature. ** 1/2

GHOST TOWN (Sept. 19).

The concept is novel — a lovelorn man (Ricky Gervais) gets advice from a ghost (Greg Kinnear). But the television ads still don't convince me that Gervais will work as a romantic lead. ** 1/2

NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (Oct. 3).

Leads Michael Cera and Kat Denning are appealing. But this teen comedy also looks like it might be trying too hard to be hip — and that it's trying to sell an accompanying soundtrack CD. ** 1/2

BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (Oct. 3).

I'll admit that the doggies are pretty cute. But this looks too similar to those Taco Bell commercials. You know, the ones that became tiresome really quickly. **

THE WOMEN (Sept. 12).

Judging by the trailers, the makers of this comedy have turned the 1939 classic (and equally classic stage play) into a "Sex in the City" rip-off. **


E-mail: jeff@desnews.com