• Bulletin from Denver: Michelle Obama loves her country! Unsatisfied Republicans demand that she recite every state motto in 60 seconds.

• Democrats continue to search for more McCain houses. Republicans demand to know how many huts Obama's half-brother has.

• Speculation abounds on whether Hillary Clinton will gracefully bow out, jump into an active volcano or distribute 18 million doses of Kool-Aid.

• Republicans demand that Michelle Obama close the convention by reciting the dates that each state entered the Union, followed by George Washington's farewell address.