• The running-mate derby for the Democrats includes Bill Richardson, who is supposed to bring in the Hispanic vote — that is, all Hispanics named Richardson.

• A heavy favorite is Joe Biden, who on a recent trip to London had a lengthy, one-sided conversation with the statue of Winston Churchill.

• Predictions are flying all over the place that McCain will pick Mitt Romney. Mitt is just the man to teach McCain the computer and that Iraq does not share a border with Brazil.

• But McCain needs a running mate who would make him look younger when they appear together. Barbara Walters would be perfect.